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What Does It Take to Maintain a Healthy Marriage?

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:47 PM
  • 16 Replies

What Does It Take to Maintain a Healthy Marriage?

Posted by Kristen Chase on January 22, 2013 

tvAs I beg my husband to watch Downton Abbey with me Sunday night, I realize that more and more, we have very little in common. And with four kids, our busy work schedules, and his graduate program, we don't often have time alone together.

So when we do, I feel as though we need something that we both enjoy doing together, even if it is watching a television show every week. And I have to wonder -- can you actually have a healthy relationship if you don't do anything together but parent your kids?

When my husband and I were dating, we used to play music together, both in our home as well as out at bars. I loved performing with him, but after we had our oldest daughter, the late nights were a bit too much to handle, especially with a breastfeeding baby who hated sleep.

Even though he's kept it up on his own -- at least when it comes to playing guitar in our basement music room and performing at a few of our neighborhood events -- I've totally lost interest. I really don't have a desire to play anymore. Unfortunately, it was really the only thing we did together.

We do both enjoy running, although he runs short distances super fast while I tend to take on longer distances at a much slower pace, so you can imagine how going out for a run together goes. These days, he's planning ski trips or watching Border Wars, and I'm writing and obsessing over Downton Abbey. There's not really much we like to do together, aside from the basic eating and drinking that happens once the kids get to bed.

And quite honestly, we're both too tired and busy to take up any sort of new hobby together. But from what I hear, if we wait until the kids are older, it will be too late. So I'm hoping that you can help with my little dilemma and tell me what sort of hobbies or activities, other than sex (heh), you and your partner/spouse engage in and, more importantly, how you make the time for it.

As much as I enjoy a date night of dinner and drinks, I feel as though we need a little more to help make our relationship a bit closer.

What activities and hobbies do you and your spouse engage in?

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:47 PM
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by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:32 PM

I used to think that having common goals were the working hard to have enough for our own house......saving money for summer being on the same page in parenting having the same interest on how and when we give emotional and financial help to our parents....

Now, I know that there is nothing more important than DATING ONCE A WEEK ALL ALONE....doing big and little things alone, as simple as a walk in the park, or a movie.

And even though some times were all are tired of our schedules and kids duties, lets get all sexy


by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:33 PM
The kids of course
We are both huge movie buffs

We are very different people but we compliment each other well.
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:36 PM

We play music together too. Well he plays, I sing. Though, I don't feel together doing that. He's behind the drum shield off to the side and can't hear what we say most the time. Lol. Our favorite hobby is eating. We do that together. We spend tons of time together though when he is off and more on the weekends. Now, that I'm working we can't get enough time together. Once I stop, we'll be together non stop again and I can't wait!

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:40 PM
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 Well I disagree on television watching as being the bonding activity. Anything involving electronics divides more than it brings together. You aren't concentrating on each other, you are concentrating on a box.

As for us, we take walks with the dogs and kid. Talking to each other the whole time. Or we go out to survey our poultry and discuss that. Or we lay in bed doing nothing but staring at each other in wonder that we survived our DS's newest parental torture. We've taken dance classes and finance classes. Finance classes had the biggest impact.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:46 PM
We r in this boat too..... we just dont have the funds to start a new togetherness hobby either. Im now in school so 2 of his 3 nights home im doing class, and then i have homework too. Being a full time student i have alot of homework. So a good portion of his days off i spend doing homework. I try to save one for us but then he wants to play his game so back to homework i go. *sigh* we just dont have alot of spare time and much in common.
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:48 PM
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My husband and I are complete opposites.

He is quiet and more grounded.

I'm loud and spontaneous.

My passion is being a chef. I can talk for days about food. Him not so much.

His passion is aviation. He can easily talk about the industry nonstop for days. Me not even close.

We balance everything else well. 7 kids, 3 dogs, 3 companies, home, bills and things like that by the end of the day we are exhausted.

Still we make time for each other. We talk about our passions but most importantly we talk about our life after children after retirement.

We have date night once a week. We do anything that makes us focus on each other. If we decide to catch a movie we always sit-down and have dinner first.

We still touch, kiss, hug, hold, and say I love you every single day.(
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by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:12 PM

We are oppisites as well! But the longer we are together the more we become like each other. We LOVE going to Atlantic City and used to do that at least 1-2x a month before kids. Now its maybe 1x a year or so but we try to whenever. 

We watch Parenthood together. And if nothing else we get 2 definate dates a year--our anniversary and my birthday. 

Over the summer we sometimes put the kids to bed then sit on the deck and BBQ and have some drinks while talking and listening to music. 

We dream of life when the kids arent sucking the life out of us! Lol! 

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:57 PM
Dh and mine's favorite activity is going out to dinner then going for a walk. We give each other our undivided attention and often find out new things about each other. Even after 9 years, we are constantly learning about the other - likes and dislikes and things we have in common. Debates can be fun too! Though Dh and I know not to talk politics with each other. We almost started World War 3 over Obamacare! Lol.
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:02 PM
My hubby and I own out own business. We are together all the time. To bond, we have to remember its not all about work. We play board games with kids, have dinner out on occasion or stop by a bar for a drink. We go to the gym together. Sitting in the hot tub always relaxes us. We have a jacuzzi tub at home and love to soak in it after kids are in bed. We talk about what's going on, our goals and how to reach them.
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:35 PM

 Thanks for posting

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