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i love him, but is love really enough!

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:54 AM
  • 33 Replies
Lately Dh has been driving me crazy. He has had an attitude for awhile now. Ex: last night our two year old wanted to sit with Dh at the dinner table after he was done eating. Aiden was sitting on Dh's lap watching him eat. Aiden picked up his spoon and tried to give Dh a bite of his food. Dh wasn't paying attention at all he was texting on his phone. Aiden ended up spilling a little of what was on the spoon on the chair Dh was sitting in. Dh flipped out. He told Aiden, "why do you have to make messes, huh? Keep your hands and spoon out of my food." He took Aiden off his lap and set him down on the floor next to his chair. Aiden started throwing a tantrum. He threw himself back and ended up cracking his head on the table leg. Dh looked down at Aiden and went on a rant about Aiden playing with his food, making a huge mess and Dh not feeling sorry for Aiden. I was clearing the table and Dh walks over, takes the bowls out of my hand and say's, " I got this get." Said it with about as much attitude as he could. Our oldest was playing his ds while watching a cartoon in the livingroom. Dh came in and sat down after cleaning the kitchen. He takes the remote and changes the channel. Gage got all upset frantically asking Dh why he turned his cartoon off. Dh said because he wasn't watching it. It was a spat back and forth about argued he was or was not watching. After about a minute or two Dh told Gage to go to his room. Gage was crying saying, "I was just watching tv." Dh yelled back for him to hush it up and get his butt in his room." The night before while petting Gage to bed he felt it necessary to point out every bad choice Gage made since being home from school and scold him about how he don't approve. Told him he was dissapointed in his poor choices. Gage left the room to go potty and I said, "could we please not talk about this right now. I don't want Gage getting all stressed out and wetting the bed." His response was, "it's never a good time for you. I'll just keep my fing mouth shut." It's not just with the kids it's other stuff as well. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm tired of talking to him about this. He maybe good for a day or two then he'll go a couple days up to weeks being an ass. I just don't know what to do.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tialee925
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:01 AM

Seems like he has alot of stuff on his mind. He may need to hang out with his friends for a couple of hours to clear his head. You just make sure your there for the kids right now...Hope it all gets better for you guys...

edelweiss23
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:06 AM
Sounds like you should have stepped in and told him to knock it off to start with.

Every time he starts you need to tell him to quit acting like a jerk.

Tell him to go for a run, punch a punching bag, throw darts, work out. Do something so you(he) doesn't take his frustration out on his family.

Also, make dinner time an electronic free time.
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Kageegirl
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:13 AM
I've tried to consider the fact that he might be stressed out. I am honestly having a hard time figuring out what he could be stressed out about. We just enjoyed a wonderful three day weekend. On Saturday we took the boys to planet fun, out to lunch and the library. We got to watch his football games on Sunday. Monday he got to spend the morning enjoying some one on one time with our two year old, eat lunch and then an hour nap while our two year old was napping before I returned home with the other two boys. Work isn't all stressed out. He's been leaving the house about 6:30am and getting home about 2:30pm. He has at least an hour before any of the boys get home from school or are up from a nap. He'll usually get a snack, take a shower and then slip into some sweats. I don't pressure him to help out around the house. The boys have actually been getting along pretty well. I just don't know.


Quoting tialee925:

Seems like he has alot of stuff on his mind. He may need to hang out with his friends for a couple of hours to clear his head. You just make sure your there for the kids right now...Hope it all gets better for you guys...


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tialee925
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:21 AM

Sometimes you wont know. He may not even know but it sounds like you have a great attitude about the situation. Try going on a picnic date, just you and him and casually ask him if anything is bothering him.

tialee925
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:23 AM

You never want to add fire to the flame. The kids don't need to be around 2 stressed out parents. Someone has to remain the more comforting adult..

Quoting edelweiss23:

Sounds like you should have stepped in and told him to knock it off to start with.

Every time he starts you need to tell him to quit acting like a jerk.

Tell him to go for a run, punch a punching bag, throw darts, work out. Do something so you(he) doesn't take his frustration out on his family.

Also, make dinner time an electronic free time.


chloesmommy777
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I smell something rotten in Denmark. Child abuse (intimdation/yellin/verbal, emotional) is NEVER okay.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Ok, I'm sorry, but I don't disagree with your DH. 

Kageegirl
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:48 AM
I feel like I'm caught in a caught 22. It seems everything I do is wrong. Dh just gets upset over every little thing. He's not nice about it. He will carry on about the smallest thing all night. Last night two hours after dinner he told Aiden he couldn't sit with him because last time he did he made a huge mess. Aiden threw a tantrum because dh kept motioning Aiden to walk away from him. I told Aiden he could come sit with me and dh gave me a very dirty look and said quietly but laced with tons of attitude, "yes let's just give into him. I see how it is." I replied, "give into what?" Apparently he was trying to prove that he didn't approve of his behavior at dinner and I was under minning him. Come on really does a two year old remember that he accidentally spilled half a spoonful of chili on the chair two hours ago? Is it really worth crabbing about two hours later? Well yesterday morning I saw that Dh's hat had fallen on the floor from the door knob in the bathroom. I picked it up and put it on the dresser in the bathroom. Dh couldn't find it because he threw his pjs on top of it. He accused me of hiding it from him because I don't like his hat. 8 went in and got it for him and he said, "that's not where I left it. I see how it is." Ugh!
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Kes1s
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:45 AM
3 moms liked this

1.  No texting during meals unless it's an emergency situation. (I would be more irritated about this than anything else.  Meal time = family time.  If you need to do business we'll wait.  If it's social your friends will wait.)

2.  Keep your hands and utensils in your own bowl.  This is how we teach kids to EAT, not play with food. Additionally we have the rules of you will keep your butt in your chair and you will say excuse me before you interrupt an adult or to be noticed by an adult that is occupied.

I would not tolerate my daughter (3yo) putting her hands or her utensils in my face or my spouses face while we are eating - or at all.  This is not to say that she doesn't try, but she is corrected and is told to sit on her bottom, use her fork and eat her food.  Your kids are old enough to eat a meal politely.  What was cute at 2 is just flat out irritating at 5.  Having a fit for it is unacceptable.

My 3yo will occasionally kick up a fuss about being told that the dinner table is for sitting and eating, and if she does she is removed from the table and yes.  She will cry.  It's not the end of the world. Maybe you can practice dinner manners during lunch to get the kids used to sitting.

It sounds like your kids are setting the rules for your household, not you.  In our house, once it's family television time, the kids shows get changed.  When dad gets home, he gets the TV for a few hours.  The kids have had it all day.  If we are watching or talking about something inappropriate the kids are told to go play or leave the room as well.

There is no negotiating or reationalizing that the kids don't want their shows changed.  Dad is an adult and has the right to come home and watch some TV at the end of the day. 

It's time to adult proof your house.  

It also sounds like your man has different expectations and desires for the kids behavior than you do. 


Telling a child to go to their room and raising your voice when your child refuses to do as they are told is not abuse.  By stepping in between him and being firm with his children you are teaching the kids that dad is being mean, rather than dad means what he is saying, what you did was wrong and I back him.

You all are setting yourselves up for divide and conquer tactics from your kids later on.  Get on the same team.  Toughen up on those kids mom.

Anryan
by Platinum Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

woohooExactly!!!  I couldn't agree more! This is how we run our house as well....Very well said!!!

Quoting Kes1s:

1.  No texting during meals unless it's an emergency situation. (I would be more irritated about this than anything else.  Meal time = family time.  If you need to do business we'll wait.  If it's social your friends will wait.)

2.  Keep your hands and utensils in your own bowl.  This is how we teach kids to EAT, not play with food. Additionally we have the rules of you will keep your butt in your chair and you will say excuse me before you interrupt an adult or to be noticed by an adult that is occupied.

I would not tolerate my daughter (3yo) putting her hands or her utensils in my face or my spouses face while we are eating - or at all.  This is not to say that she doesn't try, but she is corrected and is told to sit on her bottom, use her fork and eat her food.  Your kids are old enough to eat a meal politely.  What was cute at 2 is just flat out irritating at 5.  Having a fit for it is unacceptable.

My 3yo will occasionally kick up a fuss about being told that the dinner table is for sitting and eating, and if she does she is removed from the table and yes.  She will cry.  It's not the end of the world. Maybe you can practice dinner manners during lunch to get the kids used to sitting.

It sounds like your kids are setting the rules for your household, not you.  In our house, once it's family television time, the kids shows get changed.  When dad gets home, he gets the TV for a few hours.  The kids have had it all day.  If we are watching or talking about something inappropriate the kids are told to go play or leave the room as well.

There is no negotiating or reationalizing that the kids don't want their shows changed.  Dad is an adult and has the right to come home and watch some TV at the end of the day. 

It's time to adult proof your house.  

It also sounds like your man has different expectations and desires for the kids behavior than you do. 


Telling a child to go to their room and raising your voice when your child refuses to do as they are told is not abuse.  By stepping in between him and being firm with his children you are teaching the kids that dad is being mean, rather than dad means what he is saying, what you did was wrong and I back him.

You all are setting yourselves up for divide and conquer tactics from your kids later on.  Get on the same team.  Toughen up on those kids mom.


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