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i love him, but is love really enough!

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Lately Dh has been driving me crazy. He has had an attitude for awhile now. Ex: last night our two year old wanted to sit with Dh at the dinner table after he was done eating. Aiden was sitting on Dh's lap watching him eat. Aiden picked up his spoon and tried to give Dh a bite of his food. Dh wasn't paying attention at all he was texting on his phone. Aiden ended up spilling a little of what was on the spoon on the chair Dh was sitting in. Dh flipped out. He told Aiden, "why do you have to make messes, huh? Keep your hands and spoon out of my food." He took Aiden off his lap and set him down on the floor next to his chair. Aiden started throwing a tantrum. He threw himself back and ended up cracking his head on the table leg. Dh looked down at Aiden and went on a rant about Aiden playing with his food, making a huge mess and Dh not feeling sorry for Aiden. I was clearing the table and Dh walks over, takes the bowls out of my hand and say's, " I got this get." Said it with about as much attitude as he could. Our oldest was playing his ds while watching a cartoon in the livingroom. Dh came in and sat down after cleaning the kitchen. He takes the remote and changes the channel. Gage got all upset frantically asking Dh why he turned his cartoon off. Dh said because he wasn't watching it. It was a spat back and forth about argued he was or was not watching. After about a minute or two Dh told Gage to go to his room. Gage was crying saying, "I was just watching tv." Dh yelled back for him to hush it up and get his butt in his room." The night before while petting Gage to bed he felt it necessary to point out every bad choice Gage made since being home from school and scold him about how he don't approve. Told him he was dissapointed in his poor choices. Gage left the room to go potty and I said, "could we please not talk about this right now. I don't want Gage getting all stressed out and wetting the bed." His response was, "it's never a good time for you. I'll just keep my fing mouth shut." It's not just with the kids it's other stuff as well. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm tired of talking to him about this. He maybe good for a day or two then he'll go a couple days up to weeks being an ass. I just don't know what to do.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:54 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:33 PM

It sounds like he's really stressed out. Dh sometimes gets in this asshole mood if he hasn't had a day off in a while or he's worried about money. It was like this all of the time for us when he worked 3rd shift. He's not the most patient when it comes to our children. More so with our toddler, because he expects him to be able to comprehend all of these things we ask of him all the time. I've had to remind him a few times to stop and find a different way to approach ds that will avoid so much turmoil. That created even more problems with ds, because now he runs to me everytime his daddy tells him something he doesn't want to hear. So now I'm working on letting him say or do what he's going to do, and if I don't feel it's right for our son, I'll ask him if he can come to the bedroom and talk.

Anyways, I knew he wasn't perfect when I married him. Parenting has been nothing but trail and error for us, but over time we are learning how to communicate with each other and now with our children.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:13 PM


by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this
i have been having the same problem .....but i find time to make sure me and my hubb talk about wats hubb admits he has an addittude with me and the kids because of stress related to work....his co workers are bieng unreliable therfore it makes his job harder, so then he is stressed and has an attitude. im glad he finally told me wat was at least now i know wats up.....soo try and find out wats wrong , but if he doesnt wanna talk or communicate then dont put up with his crap.....dont let him act like a jerk with ur kids,, i wouldnt and i dont think u have to let him....u have a say in it also....
by Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:57 PM
I agree with this completely.

Quoting chloesmommy777:

I smell something rotten in Denmark. Child abuse (intimdation/yellin/verbal, emotional) is NEVER okay.

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by Marianne on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:42 PM
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 Really the only thing I have to suggest is for your family to "unplug". Make dinner time - bed time family time, not electronic time. I have a feeling the more time you all have together sans screens will greatly improve your relationships and evenings like this one will become a thing of the past.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:48 PM
1 mom liked this

i live like that everyday with my dh but i hope things get better for you guys!! good luck with everything

by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:56 PM

giving heartLOVE can be a challenge for his real issues....with lots of love and rules and regulations!!!

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:26 PM


Quoting MomToovey:

 Really the only thing I have to suggest is for your family to "unplug". Make dinner time - bed time family time, not electronic time. I have a feeling the more time you all have together sans screens will greatly improve your relationships and evenings like this one will become a thing of the past.

 I agree

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:35 AM
I agree with the no texting but honestly I do not agree with anything else you say. yelling at a 2 yesr old for just wanting to do what a 2 year old does by trying to help feed daddy is just mean. going in and changing the channel when someone is watching a program is rude, if my kids are watching a cartoon they are told after it is over we are changing the channel. otherwiseit is teaching them it is ok to be rude. there is no reason her dh needs to point out and bitch about all the bad cchoices the older child has made since going to school. hes a kid, kids dont always make the best choices. im sorry her dh is an asshole who needs an attitude check.

Quoting Kes1s:

1.  No texting during meals unless it's an emergency situation. (I would be more irritated about this than anything else.  Meal time = family time.  If you need to do business we'll wait.  If it's social your friends will wait.)

2.  Keep your hands and utensils in your own bowl.  This is how we teach kids to EAT, not play with food. Additionally we have the rules of you will keep your butt in your chair and you will say excuse me before you interrupt an adult or to be noticed by an adult that is occupied.

I would not tolerate my daughter (3yo) putting her hands or her utensils in my face or my spouses face while we are eating - or at all.  This is not to say that she doesn't try, but she is corrected and is told to sit on her bottom, use her fork and eat her food.  Your kids are old enough to eat a meal politely.  What was cute at 2 is just flat out irritating at 5.  Having a fit for it is unacceptable.

My 3yo will occasionally kick up a fuss about being told that the dinner table is for sitting and eating, and if she does she is removed from the table and yes.  She will cry.  It's not the end of the world. Maybe you can practice dinner manners during lunch to get the kids used to sitting.

It sounds like your kids are setting the rules for your household, not you.  In our house, once it's family television time, the kids shows get changed.  When dad gets home, he gets the TV for a few hours.  The kids have had it all day.  If we are watching or talking about something inappropriate the kids are told to go play or leave the room as well.

There is no negotiating or reationalizing that the kids don't want their shows changed.  Dad is an adult and has the right to come home and watch some TV at the end of the day. 

It's time to adult proof your house.  

It also sounds like your man has different expectations and desires for the kids behavior than you do. 

Telling a child to go to their room and raising your voice when your child refuses to do as they are told is not abuse.  By stepping in between him and being firm with his children you are teaching the kids that dad is being mean, rather than dad means what he is saying, what you did was wrong and I back him.

You all are setting yourselves up for divide and conquer tactics from your kids later on.  Get on the same team.  Toughen up on those kids mom.

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by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Sounds like your family needs a technology vacation.
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