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I can't stop crying. PIOG long

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:31 AM
  • 24 Replies
I really hate cancer! I have to say this.... I wish it just didn't exist.

I also wish I wasn't pregnant right now. Really not the best time because all of my family does what's "best for Emma" no matter what. Well I don't give a damn what's "best for me"! I don't care.

I just got a phone call that my grandmothers throat cancer that she was undergoing treatment for and was doing well, is worse. Loads worse.

This morning the nurses couldn't wake her up. It was VERY difficult. She had been admitted to the hospital for part of the care because she had to be put on a feeding tube because of where it's located. When they finally woke her up she had no idea who anyone around her was or where she was. That was our first sign of bad news. It looks like it has started to spread to her brain because her mind was sharp as ever yesterday.

The second sign of bad news was that she had soiled herself, and it was black. That only means one thing... Blood. Meaning she is now bleeding internally. They walked out if the room to contact her doctor and within the 20 minutes that it took to get him to the hospital she was unresponsive.

My grandma is now on life support, against her wishes. She has been saying she didn't want it but her husband doesn't understand that at this point they can't help her.

Normally at this point I would be scraping together the money to fly home if not for any other reason to be with and to help my family. But I can't. I'm fu$%ing pregnant and have been told "do not come" by all of my family. Grandma told mom yesterday that she doesn't want me traveling right now and to make sure I stayed put.... It was the last thing she said to my mom.... How can I go against her dying wish? I'm so upset. I feel like my hands are tied and I can't do anything to help.

It's times like this that I wish I wasn't pregnant and I had the ability to do what needed to be done... Instead I'm in bed... Bawling....

Please pray for no pain for my grandma and healing for my family. I know there is nothing that can be done to help her beyond that.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:57 AM

If you want to go and your OB says you can go, go! Your Grams isn't going to be upset to see you when you are there and you seem like you need this closure.

by Kendall on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

(hugs) I'm so sorry hun!  I agree with the PP.  If your OB clears it, then you should go.  They can get over their own issues.  You need to be with your family.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:37 AM

Prayers and good thoughts to ALL of you.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:53 AM

 I was stuck in Japan when my grandpa died. I didn't get to go home for the funeral or anything.

Anyway, praying for ya'll!

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:58 AM

*hugs* I understand how entirely devastating cancer is. Those last few days are the absolute worst. Sending you and your family lots of positive energy.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:04 PM


Sending you big hugs...sorry your grandma and your family are going through this....keep strong!  (((HUGS)))

by Platinum Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:29 PM

That is a lot to be going through.  I will definitely say a prayer. 

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:55 PM
Prayers hun! And a big hug!!
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:57 PM

If your OB says it fine for you to go, go.**hugs*

by Slightly Perfect on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:58 PM

I fucken hate cancer with the force of a nuclear explosion.

Hope that makes you feel somewhat better.


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