Anyone have a depressed spouse? After a year of this it is affecting me now..

[Samantha431]

Hi there.
My DH has been depressed (medicated) for a year now and is not working. It was managable when I was at home because it was helpful to have him there (drive here and there and run errands). But, now that i'm back at work I find it really difficult not having him/anyone/grown-up to talk to! The energy he does have he gives to our very young kids (he is a verrry good dad. he plays with them, takes them out etc.). The energy he does have he gives to them. To me, he is expressionless or negative.

Now that I am out of the house 11 hours a day goign to and from work, I need support when I get home but he doesn't have it in him to give me any. I don't have it in me to be understanding toward his non-communication and am bored stiff. He wants intimacy but I can't give it becasue there is zero communication. I tried to anyway b/c he was insistant that this is what he needed and that it would trigger him to feel closer to me and talk..but it didn't.

I don't like this.... :(

Any advice?

[Mommy980106]

He needs to go back to the doctor for a medication adjustment. Have you changed diet to get rid of processed foods? Does he drink? My husband is bipolar, and his depressed cycles are very much like you described about your husband. He says craves intimacy to feel normal and safe for a bit.
It's a hard road, good luck.

[ChocolateJunky]

All I can say if that I know it's hard for you. I've been battling depression for a few months now. I had it growing up, but it's never been this bad. I was sitting with dh and everything that was brought up in conversation became negative from my end. I finally stopped and realized that I haven't asked him how his day was once during this period. I haven't known how he was doing at all, I just knew he was here supporting me and trying to help me get better.

Depression is a tricky thing. It removes all thoughts of hope and causes a person to live only in past regrets, or at least just trying to live day to day. The best advice I can offer you is to research it. The more you understand, the better it may be for you to learn how to communicate again. I'm sorry your husband is going through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It can be very debilitating at times.

There are a few herbal supplements that may help. St. John's Wort has been known to stabalize the chemicals in the brain and can balance out moodswings.

Just remember that he needs you. You might let him know that you love him, and want him to get better, but sometimes you need him too. He's probably so caught up with his own struggles that he's just not thinking about how his illness is affecting others. Good luck.

[ChocolateJunky]

Here's a couple of links for you, if you're interested.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/223474-how-to-cope-with-a-depressed-spouse/

This is a very long article, but it had some good facts and advice in it.
http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/how-to-cope-with-a-depressed-spouse/

 

[TheMommaJessie]

new medication, couples therapy, understanding 4 him & he needs 2 have understanding 4 you

[TommyAbby]

Time for a med change and therapy. :) Good Luck

[Samantha431]

Thank you thank you thank you ladies!!! Xoxoxo

[Lindalou907]

I do, and the constant negativity can be depressing for me! My husband takes zoloft but he needs something else, it's not working well enough. I love him but it's very hard living with someone who can never see the positive or be joyful. And I find myself "gathering evidence" too much, like it's all I see anymore...

[Samantha431]

It's hard now because he is stone-walling me. Does not reply to me speaking, texts, emails... very very very lilttle YET he does talk to the kids like there is no problem and talks to others albiet not like he used to :(

[ChocolateJunky]

 

I'm sorry. It may be time to try out counseling or go to a support group together. At least in the support group, he could see that he's not alone and you could get an idea of what's going through his head. Maybe it would help him to become more comfortable with talking to you. When he is ready to talk, be open to what he has to say. He may say some shockingly horrible things, but it's the illness talking and he needs to know it's ok to tell you these things and not lock them up inside. If it wasn't for my husband, I would still be stuck in that rut.

Quoting Samantha431:

It's hard now because he is stone-walling me. Does not reply to me speaking, texts, emails... very very very lilttle YET he does talk to the kids like there is no problem and talks to others albiet not like he used to :(

 

[Samantha431]

What do you mean by "shockingly horrible things"? About me? About his thoughts? We have an appt to see someone in a few weeks. Wish it was much much sooner. I feel dead inside too now as soon as I come home :(

Quoting ChocolateJunky:

 

I'm sorry. It may be time to try out counseling or go to a support group together. At least in the support group, he could see that he's not alone and you could get an idea of what's going through his head. Maybe it would help him to become more comfortable with talking to you. When he is ready to talk, be open to what he has to say. He may say some shockingly horrible things, but it's the illness talking and he needs to know it's ok to tell you these things and not lock them up inside. If it wasn't for my husband, I would still be stuck in that rut.

Quoting Samantha431:

It's hard now because he is stone-walling me. Does not reply to me speaking, texts, emails... very very very lilttle YET he does talk to the kids like there is no problem and talks to others albiet not like he used to :(