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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is this a normal feeling to have? What the hell is wrong with me??

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:03 PM
  • 5 Replies


I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have a beautiful 7 month old baby boy.

One day, I asked him if he would ever marry me. I asked him if that's something that he would ever want to do again. (he was married before) He said that he's very interested in marrying me.

After he made that comment, I got apprehensive that I just walked away and I couldn't talk to him.

To this day, I'm so upset with myself because I'm scared and I shouldn't be.

I can't, for the life of me, figure out why I can feel completely comfortable having a life long commitment with him by having his baby but whenever I think about us getting married, I get so scared that I literally feel myself wanting to cry. Now I don't want to get married. And I had told him for a year how I wanted us to get married when the time was right. How I could see us growing old together.

How can I be scared of marriage? It doesn't make any sense to me.

Ever since I could remember I've been wanting to get married.

Has anyone else ever felt like this before?

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by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:03 PM
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Replies (1-5):
sadee456
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I've never been afraid of getting married, but I've seen girls grow up with divorced parents or they see marriages close to them dissolve. Maybe your afraid that if you do this it won't work out? Are you afraid because it seems too good to be true? The best and most exciting things we will do in life are scary and sometimes down right terrifying.

vinalex0581
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:01 PM

i honestly couldn't answer you questions because i honestly don't know.

this is what i'm trying to figure out.

divorced parents? yes.

but they divorced when i was just under 2 years old.

my grandmother is divorced. my mom remarried and plans on staying with her husband until death do them part.

my SO's parents divorced when he was 2......or 3.

his father remarried shortly after and his mom remarried after that and his father isn't really happy with his wife but he's not miserable either.

idk........maybe it's because i really didn't have a stable relationship with any guy.

well my longest has been 1 and a half years before my SO and I only had 4 serious relationships in my life but have been with over 100 guys.

i sometimes wonder maybe it's because i want my old life back......where i was free to be with any guy i wanted and nothing was holding me back.

now i'm with someone who i will be committed to forever and it's not normal for me because i'm use to jumping from one guy to another.

maybe it's because i don't want to be tied down, in a way, but i'm torn because i also want to be with one guy for the rest of my life.

i know one thing.........i'm confused.

my SO on the other hand, he was with his girlfriend for 6 years before they decided to get married and then they were married for 4 years. so he is fine with settling down with someone.

idk...........i'm confused. that's why i came to this group........hoping to get some sort of answer.

hoping someone else might have felt like this at one point or another.


Quoting sadee456:

I've never been afraid of getting married, but I've seen girls grow up with divorced parents or they see marriages close to them dissolve. Maybe your afraid that if you do this it won't work out? Are you afraid because it seems too good to be true? The best and most exciting things we will do in life are scary and sometimes down right terrifying.


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ShaneManic
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:13 PM

When DH and I first got together we both felt the same.  We knew we'd be together for the rest of our lives and our commitment was never in doubt but his first marriage was a nightmare and neither of us felt comfortable even talking about getting married.  It took about 3 years for us to even talk about it and we knew when the time was right.  If it's right, you won't feel nervous about it, but you also have a baby and that's a huge life change.  One step at a time.

vinalex0581
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:00 PM

well it's nice to know that i'm not the only one feeling that way.

and some women say that i feel this way because it means that i shouldn't be with him and that's not the case at all.

my SO and I have been through hell and back to be with each other the second time, 3rd if you count 7th grade.

and i know for a fact that we are meant to be together.

so it's not that at all. we love each other and we always will.

i'm just afraid of marriage and it kind of shocked the hell out of me when i started feeling this way because, for a year now, i'm the one who keeps talking about getting married.

Quoting ShaneManic:

When DH and I first got together we both felt the same.  We knew we'd be together for the rest of our lives and our commitment was never in doubt but his first marriage was a nightmare and neither of us felt comfortable even talking about getting married.  It took about 3 years for us to even talk about it and we knew when the time was right.  If it's right, you won't feel nervous about it, but you also have a baby and that's a huge life change.  One step at a time.


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vinalex0581
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:20 AM

BUMP!

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