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Trying times

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:46 PM
  • 18 Replies

I have bi-polar, about a year ago I was reading up on it and found that there were some methods that did not include take medicine that would help control it. I talked to my hubby and we discussed the pros and cons and decided that it was worth a try. In September I started having a hard time with mood swings, then it just started getting worse. Until we were fighting and I ended up cheating on him. We are still talking and I have agreed to go back and be put back on the medicine.

I am a mess right now and I am really trying to hold it together, I need to fix my marriage, I need to get control of myself and I need to admit to not only me by my hubby that I can not face this alone. There are days were everything is super easy and I get all that I need to done and then there are days where I don't even get out of bed and he takes care of our daughter.

I don't understand why he hasn't left, and sometimes I feel like I should be the one to leave before I mess up my daughters life and hurt the most amazing man I have ever know more. I have an appointment on Tuesday to get back on the meds and it could take up to 6 weeks for them to stabilize me.

Does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this? I don't want to ruine the best thing in my life because of a mental disorder that I can't control.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:46 PM
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:04 PM
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First, relax. He sounds very supportive of you, you are lucky to have him and he wouldn't stay if he thought there was no hope. You tried something different, it didn't work. That's ok. Now you'll go back on the meds, which I'm sure is hard too, but you will do it and start feeling good again. And then you will remind him how much you love and appreciate him for being there for you. Your DD needs you, don't leave her. When you are stable on the meds, you are the best mom for her I am sure. So you'll get it back together and things will be ok again. Give yourself a break, it's not your fault that you have bipolar, and it's amazing that you recognize it and are willing to get the help you need.

Does he know you cheated on him?
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by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:11 PM

Thank you for the supportive and kind words. My hubby does know I love him and that my life would not have any meaning without him... I am trying so hard, but maybe I am trying to hard. I have this thing about needing to be prefect in everything I do and I am very hard on myself when I fall down.

My husband is the most loving, kind and caring person I have ever met. I don't want ot hurt him anymore.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Yes he does know I cheated, we are working through it. I can not exscue it and I can not pretend it didn't happen. I have taken resposiblilty for it and I am working an gaining his trust. I will do what ever he thinks needs to be done to make amends for it. Part of the Bi- polar is hightened sex drive and low inpluse control. Which is something I have explained to him, but it doesn't exscue what I did and it hurt him even more because it was with his younger brother who was prusing me.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:19 PM
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Relax, I know bipolar is hard.  The only way you will hurt your family is by not admitting and getting the help you need. The fact that you realize how bad it is and that you are going back on meds is the first step.  I wish my sister was as brave as you are.  She wasn't as willing to help herself as you are and we are no longer speaking.  I'm sure your husband realizes you are trying by the simple fact that you know you are not doing well.  Good Luck!

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:40 PM
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There are so many different meds out there. You just have to find the one that works best for you and at the right dosage. 

There's nothing wrong with taking meds. They can help so much. 

It doesn't usually take the full 6 weeks to feel the effects. It can vary on the person. 

I suffer from depression and have been on many different meds. Most times, it took no more than a couple of weeks if that to start feeling better. 

Good luck with everything. 

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:23 PM

At the monent the manic is set in and loud music, drinking and smoking cigs as well as painting is helping me keep it down to a soft roar instead of pacing the house and finding all the thing that need to be done. in a few hours maybe I will settle down enough to go to bed. If not I will be up all night cleaning and reorganizing my kitchen cabinets. I feel very out of control and it is the worst feeling in the world. I am being very careful what I do and say around my husband. I love him and he does not deserve to have to suffer because of my illness. I can not wait until tuesday, I want so badly to feel in control of myself again. I hate the fact that when I get to the point that I am at right I end up be nasty mean and I make demands that are unreasnable. I am being so careful with my words and actions but some times i am not in control and the other side takes over and I do and say things that I wouldn't if I were stable. Tuesday can not come soon enough for me. thank to all of you that have had kind supportive words for me.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:50 PM
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You CAN control it, you chose NOT to.

Get your shit together before you lose it all!!

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:46 AM

If you had read my post you would have seen that I had tried a different method that didn't work.. And upon realizing it wasn't work I have chosen to go badk to the medicine.. There is absolutely no need to be harsh or bitchy.. I could understand the harshness it the post had been a pity party but it was not.. I don't need you type of comments thank you very much!!

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:02 AM
I'm sorry hon ill be thinking of u this week as I too will be starting meds for this, u aren't alone what ur saying and feeling is just like what I'm going through, sucks but u have a chance to repair ur relationship. Hugs xo
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:17 AM

 Go to your local HDC(human development center) and ask about DBT counseling . DBT is Dialectic Behavior Training. Its  a year long program that includes group and individual counseling. It'll give you the tools to cope with your bipolar, your behavior...EVERYTHING.  My Dh is bipolar and is in the training/counseling....its a year long thing....but its helping him alot.

Hes had episodes of "I dont know why you love a loser..etc".  Its hard to handle being a wife and not knowing how to handle it sometimes.  Your Dh should take some counseling sessions and get advice on how to HELP you.

Just 1 day at a time...and remember you are loved.

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