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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

What happened to us?!?!?! **UPDATE**

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:12 PM
  • 26 Replies
DH and I have become extremely distant, to the point of me feeling just like a roommate. I love him, I just need help feeling butterflies again. Doesn't help that DH''s work and extra curricular activities (soccer all weekend) take up all his time. I feel like a roommate and a single Mom.

We will be together 9 years next month and 6 years married in March and we have a 5 year old son Please, help me find the spark before all hope is lost!! :'(

**UPDATE**
HERE IS A LITTLE MORE:

DS goes to bed at 8, DH comes hone AG 9:30/10:00. When he gets home, he will eat, watch soccer and then either go workout or we'll watch a show. But I have go be up at 4:30am for work so by the time he comes home, I'm practically ready for bed. I stay up to the point where my eyes are burning and I end up late to work just so that I can spend time with him.
I've tried talking to.him, but he just gets defensive and shuts down.
Big problem is that he wants to have sex! REALLY?!?!?! I want passion, I want to feel wanted. And not wanted in the sense of just getting your rocks off.
Work schedules suck! I leave when he and DS are sleeping and he gets home when I am finally ready to end my day. Then weekends come and for example this weekend: last night he did an overnight shift, came home at 5:45, went to sleep. DS and I got up and spent the morning out with my Dad. Then DH left for soccer and probably wont be home until later this evening and then tomorrow, he has soccer in the morning and then he is working tomorrow night. We don't really seem to exist on the weekends either. And the real kicker... I'm not the only one effected. DS is too! And now DS asks, "is Daddy playing soccer?" "Is Daddy going to work?" He knows Daddy isn't ever home. I'm at a loss here!!!
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by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:41 PM

((hugs)) i'm sorry hun.  Is there anyway you two can go on a date night?

stephwordelman1
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:45 PM

i feel you, been married for 11 years with dh, but been together since i was 16, i just feel like a roomate as well, dh really bitches me out because i dont do good enough cleaning and i admit i dont do good enough but i do try but most of time it gets unnoticed.

huntmom1104
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:56 PM

i started out as a roomate before we started dating and got engaged and not that we are engaged im feeling like the roommate again i dont know what to do because i need that spark in my relationship to so any advice that you get ill have to take a look at i hope we both find that spark again in our relationships and can feel like we did before we started feeling like roommates again good luck girl... :)

Huera620
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM
I love date nights, but I've decided to stop planning them. I was feeling so stupid getting a sitter and planning everything all the while so DH could complain that I plan too much and too far ahead. Duh! We have a child and a sitter NEEDS to be planned ahead of time. Plus! He has only once gotten a sitter and planned something. That was when my birthday and Father's Day landed on the same day about 3 years ago :-/

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

((hugs)) i'm sorry hun.  Is there anyway you two can go on a date night?

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cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM

I'm sorry :( I haven't really been in this situation with my dh so really the only other advice I can offer is maybe talk to him and let him know you two need a date night and that it would be good for you. I hope things get better for you soon hun.

Quoting Huera620:

I love date nights, but I've decided to stop planning them. I was feeling so stupid getting a sitter and planning everything all the while so DH could complain that I plan too much and too far ahead. Duh! We have a child and a sitter NEEDS to be planned ahead of time. Plus! He has only once gotten a sitter and planned something. That was when my birthday and Father's Day landed on the same day about 3 years ago :-/

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

((hugs)) i'm sorry hun.  Is there anyway you two can go on a date night?


Sheilaweila07
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM

i'm sorry about your situation. i would just start out by talking to him and telling him how you feel followed by changes that need to be made to help you feel more needed and loved. im sure he loves you he just might not know how to show it. afterall he is a guy. good luck to u:)

inlovewithmy2
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:10 AM

i think that happens to a lot of couples its like u fall into a routine. make a date night once a month. try to do spontaneous things to suprise him and hopefully he will follow suit. remember the things that made u fall in love in the first place and try to incorporate that

mommyof24ever
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:02 AM
I know exactly what u mean. I have been with my husband 9 years tommorow, and will be married 6 years in June. And we have a 2 1/2 year old and a4 year od turning 5 in a little over a week. Recently my husband and I went through the same thing. We almost split because we became too distant which leaves room for bad things that u dont want to happen in ur marrisge . Unfortunately. If u truly love him no mater how u feel. Because we are human. We might not always feel lovey dovey ut it doesn't mean that we don't love our husband. If u truly love him. Drop everything. Find a babysitter for the day. Do something u both really enjoy but haven't done in a while have dinner talk. Go home make love and just be together. Maybe not the same night. But at some point bring out the wedding tapes. I hope this helps. Best wishes.
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ttc1rainbow
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:19 AM

I'm sorry you're going thru this hun :( My DH and I haven't been together quite as long, but went thru this last year and I left (We are TTC #1). We both work crazy hours, and were like ships passing in the night. It came down to COMMUNICATION! I had to sit him down over dinner, and talk to him, tell him how I was feeling! I used a lot of "I feel" statements, so he didn't feel like I was accusing or pointing fingers, etc. That helped...We made a deal, we HAD to have just ONE day a week that was for us, either for the whole day, or a date night of some kind...and do just that. Date again...Hand holding, pecks on the cheek, he'd bring me flowers or a single rose. Just like before we got married. Best of luck to you!! Wish you the best!! *hugs* 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:54 AM

It's just the way it goes. We've been married 11 years and the butterflies are long gone. It's just about moving into a different phase of your life. You can try to carve out time together on the weekend.

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