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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I need advice

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:17 AM
  • 21 Replies
So I'm like 8 days postpartum, and I'm *slightly* hormonal- but I need to know if I'm right in feeling this way.



Hubby told me that he was going to bed, I was going to stay up and clean and pump more milk for the Squeak. I picked up laundry from the living room to take to the hamper and walk past the bedroom door and lo and be-freaking-hold- he's watching porn. For whatever reason my heart dropped into my stomach and I felt hurt. He's not even affectionate with me, and though I've offered to do things with him, he'd rather watch porn. I- being immature and bitchy- opened the door to get the things I need to shower and he deer in the headlight looked at me. I was like "bad timing" (knowing what Id seen) and he was like nope, just playing on my phone.



My feelings are hurt. I feel betrayed. I childishly sent him a text and said that said that he didn't have to lie to me and all, but my feelings are still hurt.





What the hell is wrong with me?
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Armywifeholcomb
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:26 AM
You're really vulnerable right now. Try to sit down and talk to him honestly and calmly. Ask him if theres anything you can do for him that can keep him from wanting to watch that.
tell him how it made you feel and explain that Right now you need the love and support and feel wanted. If you don't feel like you are it could lead to serious depression. I'm sorry momma!
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Ninjascreenname
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:30 AM
I've offered to do oral, I have my sex drive back and an okay from my dr to do it. He just......won't.


Quoting Armywifeholcomb:

You're really vulnerable right now. Try to sit down and talk to him honestly and calmly. Ask him if theres anything you can do for him that can keep him from wanting to watch that.
tell him how it made you feel and explain that Right now you need the love and support and feel wanted. If you don't feel like you are it could lead to serious depression. I'm sorry momma!

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Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:33 AM
1 mom liked this
Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.
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Armywifeholcomb
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:37 AM
All I can say is talk with him. Might have something to do with leaky boobies too. Some guys are worried about leakage... It took about a year before my DH would touch them even after finishing BF. he might still be worried that you're body isn't ready yet, even with the ok.
But just try to be calm and talk. Be honest but not argue. Who knows what goes on in men's heads. Let him know how it hurt you to see him doing that and that you want to be the one he's focusing his sexual thoughts on.
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Ninjascreenname
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:38 AM
It hasn't bothered me until like this time. He is replacing affection and things I need with the porn in my eyes. It honestly feels like he cheated on me


Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.

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Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:45 AM
Then it is obviously a problem. And I think letting him know it is a problem at this moment that needs to be addressed. I don't allow it in my marriage.

Quoting Ninjascreenname:

It hasn't bothered me until like this time. He is replacing affection and things I need with the porn in my eyes. It honestly feels like he cheated on me




Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Ninjascreenname
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:45 AM
I'm going to sound like a pansy but how do I address this?


Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Then it is obviously a problem. And I think letting him know it is a problem at this moment that needs to be addressed. I don't allow it in my marriage.



Quoting Ninjascreenname:

It hasn't bothered me until like this time. He is replacing affection and things I need with the porn in my eyes. It honestly feels like he cheated on me






Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:51 AM
You talk to him and let him know it feels and if the shoe was on the other foot. How would he feel? I think he can give you this time so you can recover and he needs to sympathize. I think men have one track minds. Lol. The thing with things as this nature if u bottle it. You will resent him. Resent turns to hate quickly which usually means the end of the marriage. So you need to tell him. I still think he is being a ass.

Quoting Ninjascreenname:

I'm going to sound like a pansy but how do I address this?




Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Then it is obviously a problem. And I think letting him know it is a problem at this moment that needs to be addressed. I don't allow it in my marriage.





Quoting Ninjascreenname:

It hasn't bothered me until like this time. He is replacing affection and things I need with the porn in my eyes. It honestly feels like he cheated on me








Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Ninjascreenname
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:05 AM
The sad part is this is almost exactly what happened after we had out daughter two years ago and it ended in me having an affair because he was always on his phone and neglected me and our marriage. We reconciled and things were getting better and now this. I know I wasn't right in the affair but we separated and were supposed to be seeing other people, except he didn't. Now he's on this high horse about how he gets a "free shot" and that's all I have heard about and now this porn shit. I had started feeling confident in myself and now I feel like shit. My heart is broken and he isn't going to EVER own up to it, but I know if I check his history on his phone, it will be there. Am I that repulsive? I mean for Christ's sake I'm almost back to my normal size. I have the want and the desire but why not pick me- why pick porn?


Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

You talk to him and let him know it feels and if the shoe was on the other foot. How would he feel? I think he can give you this time so you can recover and he needs to sympathize. I think men have one track minds. Lol. The thing with things as this nature if u bottle it. You will resent him. Resent turns to hate quickly which usually means the end of the marriage. So you need to tell him. I still think he is being a ass.



Quoting Ninjascreenname:

I'm going to sound like a pansy but how do I address this?






Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Then it is obviously a problem. And I think letting him know it is a problem at this moment that needs to be addressed. I don't allow it in my marriage.







Quoting Ninjascreenname:

It hasn't bothered me until like this time. He is replacing affection and things I need with the porn in my eyes. It honestly feels like he cheated on me










Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Ummm. No you are normal. You just gave birth. The ass needs to be more sympathetic. Sorry but there us no room for porn in my marriage either.



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USMCwife0530
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:07 AM
I'd be pissed as hell! 8 days pp and he's watching porn instead?! What a jerk! (No offense) Of course its normal to feel hurt, you've just given birth, your hormones are all over the place, your body may look different and he's off looking at that crap. I would sit down and let him know how it makes you feel. He needs to be more sympathetic.

*on a side note: your dr gave you the green light for sex after 8 days pp?! Most drs advise to wait at least 6 weeks.
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