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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

its killing me

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:29 PM
  • 9 Replies
Our marriage has had its ups and downs since it began. We got married when i was 18 and he has problems holding a job and always blames it on my family.. my family took him in when i got pregnant at 17, they got him his ged, got him everything he ever needed... he is from a bad family and doesn't know how to control himself in alot of things. We have been almost divorced bc of his problems and we just had a baby a month ago. Everything was good for the past year and now he is being even lazier. He isn't working, he sleeps all day and is up all night and went help me with the two boys, i don't know what to do anymore. We live with my uncle i am in school for medical assistant and trying to figure out what i can do to get diapers half the time. My mother helps me with my sons and i hate it. Tonight i got both boys asleep and my husband comes in and starts playing video games and gets so loud it wakes them both up... the baby starts screaming my 3 y.o is now running wild (i haven't showered in a week almost bc i have no time bc he won't help me out...) i just don't know what to do. I don't want my marriage to fail again but i can't stop it from falling apart. What do I do.. i need help
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:29 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this

WOW.. Time to kick him out for a bit. If he won't step up, step out!

Tell him you need a break from him. Plain and simple. You can also suggest getting therapy to figure out why he won't get a job/why he is depressed.

Cindy1221
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Have you tried to talk to him, honestly? Maybe he has just gottrn use to this way of behaving. You should ask him what he is contributing to the family. If he doesnt start changing, tell him that things will change around here and if it doesnt he needs to get out! Ive been there, and dh finally came around. It does take time. If he loves you or the kids at all he will step up and be an adult and father like his family deserves. Just sayin...
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3lilladies81
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Sit him down and have a heart to heart. Tell him how much you love him and love being a family, but he needs to grow up. He needs to step up and start providing for his children. I know it's hard and scary, but something needs to change or it will end regardless. Remember compliment first THEN lay it out on the table. (((HUGS)))
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wantthatbaby46
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:10 AM
2 moms liked this

I was like this when I was really depressed. Is he depressed and not getting help for it?  What worked for me to get my act together (besides therapy, of course) was that people stopped doing those things for me.  If you stop doing everything around the house and it doesn't change his behavior (like, he doesn't get sick of a nasty house and start doing stuff) then make him leave. I think at this point, you are just enabling his lazy behavior...whether it's cuz you want him around for the kids, want your marriage to work, etc.  Just talk to him and do what YOU can do.  Good luck and I hope things start looking up for you!

rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Tell him he needs to man up and help you out.  Let him know how much you have on your plate (make a list if you have to) and that he needs to get a job or a plan.

Meghan6391
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:19 AM
I try talking to him, i ask what is wrong and i am always complimenting him and trying to lift his spirit's but nothing seems to work. I suffer from depression so he knows if he needs to open up and talk he can and needs to do so, if i hold things in i go bonkers. I have left him in the past and it messed up our oldest to the point that he quit eating, stopped talking and everything. He is 3 now and struggling with talking still but i work with him on it as much as possible. I have also tried the no cleaning thing... he didn't care (his family are dirty people so he can handle messy things)
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ashleigh24
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:31 AM
2 moms liked this
Omg I'm so sorry!!!! No way would I put up with that. I know it is mean but time for you to step up and kick him out. Tell him he has a choice get up and help or he needs to go because he is just causing even more stress on top of everything else. Trust me I know from experience. I was scared to death to do everything with out my hubby but once he left I was so less stressed out!!! I felt like his mother too and that isn't right. If you feel like you have tried talking to him until your blue in the face then it is time for action. My hubby had to do this to me. He talked to me until he was blue in the face and tried to get my true feelings out but I didn't want to listen to myself. I knew I wasn't in love with my hubby anymore but I didn't want to break up my family. He knew too because my actions said so. I'm so thankful that he stepped up and said I'm leaving to try and figure us out. I am the happiest person ever now :-) I'm working on me and I'm a much better mom!!!! No more stressing out and if I do I can always call my soon to be ex and he will come over or talk to our dd on the phone. He comes over as much as he can to visit and stuff but we are much happier apart. I think this is the best for our dd. I wish you all the best. I hope you can make him realize things. Sometimes it takes a reality check. Sounds like he needs some help though. Don't get me wrong I went through some crazy emotions trying to figure things out once my hubby left. It took about a month to straighten up and I realized that I wasn't stressed as much and I was actually smiling more. My family doesn't even have a clue yet but they noticed I was happy and said something. I was like yes I feel good!
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Due9
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:39 AM

He sounds like a loser and has alot of growing up to do. You should've never had kids with him..Now you are in a difficult position and these kids will suffer no matter what you do. Finish school, get a job and leave him if he doesn't want to change.

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