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Explosive fight, marriage in crisis, now what?

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:34 AM
  • 26 Replies

My husband and I have been together 12 years, with 2 young children of our own and two from his previous marriage.  Tonight we had an explosive fight over a photo album that he found, showing pictures of my single days before i met him, that did not put me in the best light.  He went crazy, we had a big fight, we went our seperate ways for the afternoon, and then tonight everything exploded.  He called me into the room and I thought he would apologize again (he sent a text after the inital fight saying he was sorry), but instead he was ready to do battle all over again.  Both of us had been drinking, although not together.  Things escalated explosively, and I hit him.  In the face.  Repeatedly.   Nothing like this has ever happened.  I am shattered.  The whole thing is overwhelming.  He did not hit me back but grabbed me hard and I get a few scrapes.  He showed alot of restaint.  I am 5'4 120 lbs and he is 6'4 280 lbs.  I am in shock.  I don't know what will happen next.  Our marriage had some chellenges but I would have said it was realtively healthy.  I am shell shocked.  I felt so attacked for something that happened before i even met him ,but nothing forgives the fact that I hit him, repeatedly.  How will we recover???? Has anyone had a similar experience?

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:34 AM
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:37 AM
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Counseling for both of you. Possibly AA and anger management for both of you.


by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:18 AM
Well for starters its probably not best to get into a huge fight then go drink and go right back to face them again. Also, I agree with AimSnapHolz. Counseling for sure.
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:05 AM
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Oh're definitely gonna need counseling and a major change in your marriage. Especially with 2 young kids involved

by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 5:02 AM

Alcohol just exacerbates and amplifies emotions, had he been drinking when he first saw the photo album?  I agree with the others, find a good therapist and talk this stuff out, you have 4 kids counting on you, set a good example and fix this.

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 5:41 AM
Counseling is a must. He had his kids when he was very young and I guess he never sowed his oats maybe. I didn't have children until my mid 30's so I experienced life a lot differently. I traveled extensively and lived more care free. He is about to turn 40 and he will say that he is having a mid life crisis. The photo album was of me and friends partying at Mardi Gras. He was so angry and jealous that we were acting crazy in the pics. I never hid from him that I had these kind of experienced. I think this just struck a nerve deep with Him. Thanks for everyone's replies. I was so surprised by the depth of my angry with him. We need counseling for sure. He acts like I am standing in the way of something for him or that I am preventing him from having something. I already felt persecuted lately, but when I felt directly attacked, I snapped.
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:39 AM
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 You might want to get help for yourself. Anytime you abuse your husband. There are deeper inside you that you need to deal with. So you don't abuse your husband again

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:45 AM
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Individual counseling for both of you.  For him because it's my opinion that he shouldn't have been THAT mad over the past, but it's understandable if it made you look like a completely different person.  For you for anger management.  Also, I would suggest getting rid of that album if it is that upsetting to him.  The past is the past and you don't need pictures to remind you of days that didn't "put you in the best light".  Sometimes people have so much anger and anxiety built up that they don't realize and they explode. That could've been what happened to you.  Good luck! I hope you guys can make it through this in a healthy way for both of you and for the kiddos.

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:00 AM

First off, you two need some space to cool down and think things over and sober up. Drinking when you're upset does nothing but intensify the problem. It happens to the best of couples sometimes. No one wants to admit it, but it does. A marraige isn't about being perfect, it's about persevering through some of the darkest of times TOGETHER and coming out of the hole wiser and stronger.

I've been in a similar situation, so you're not alone.

by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Oh my. Um, first of all you need separate counseling. Marriage counseling and why drinking? Where were the kiddos?

If the album bothers hi. Throw it out, period! Let him throw it out. Tell him that. Apologize to him for keeping it. You goofed.

Why did you hit him?

You need serious counseling , and anger therapy. Have you guys talked since this occurred?
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Take a deep breath. Remember the past is the past. You shouldn't be upset over pictures of him and his past. Regardless those are his memories before you. Not sure what escalated the initial blow up. However, you do need to sober up, give each other space. Never lay a hand on each other. You both need to handle this like adults. You also need to set a good example for all the kids involved. I suggest the obvious, talk when things have had time to cool down. Possibly counseling, sounds like some deep seeded issues going on.

Good luck !!!
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