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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Explosive fight, marriage in crisis, now what?

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My husband and I have been together 12 years, with 2 young children of our own and two from his previous marriage.  Tonight we had an explosive fight over a photo album that he found, showing pictures of my single days before i met him, that did not put me in the best light.  He went crazy, we had a big fight, we went our seperate ways for the afternoon, and then tonight everything exploded.  He called me into the room and I thought he would apologize again (he sent a text after the inital fight saying he was sorry), but instead he was ready to do battle all over again.  Both of us had been drinking, although not together.  Things escalated explosively, and I hit him.  In the face.  Repeatedly.   Nothing like this has ever happened.  I am shattered.  The whole thing is overwhelming.  He did not hit me back but grabbed me hard and I get a few scrapes.  He showed alot of restaint.  I am 5'4 120 lbs and he is 6'4 280 lbs.  I am in shock.  I don't know what will happen next.  Our marriage had some chellenges but I would have said it was realtively healthy.  I am shell shocked.  I felt so attacked for something that happened before i even met him ,but nothing forgives the fact that I hit him, repeatedly.  How will we recover???? Has anyone had a similar experience?

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:34 AM
Replies (21-26):
Swt7
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:16 AM
Learn how to solve things without throwing a fight,meaning whenever dh is angry be calm bse fire cannot put fire out,also appologise to him,it doesn't matter who began the fight or who didn't,just compromise.
motamaid
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:07 AM
First of all.....if was your life over 12 years ago? Who gives a rats? ! Sounds like you both have more issues with drinking than you care to embrace. Take care of that and see what happens.
SlightlyPerfect
by Slightly Perfect on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Everyone keeps mentioning counseling, but you two need to sit down when you're calm and not hungover and talk it out. I suggest someone takes the kids overnight tonight (if you can swing that) and just sit down. Obviously you need to apologize. Physically hitting someone like that is never ok, and who knows if he'll find it forgivable, but you gotta try. And he has to apologize, too, for being ridiculously insecure about a photo album.

You both have to figure out whether what each of you did is forgivable and then work from there. Remember that there are two parts to forgiveness: dismissal and investment. You will have to be able to dismiss his transgression of stupid insecurity, and he will have to be able to dismiss your physically assaulting him. The next step is to figure out whether you both are willing to invest in one another.

Once you've discussed these key points, you'll know whether counseling is necessary.

slightlyperfect

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:42 AM

 I think this is the best response on this thread.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Everyone keeps mentioning counseling, but you two need to sit down when you're calm and not hungover and talk it out. I suggest someone takes the kids overnight tonight (if you can swing that) and just sit down. Obviously you need to apologize. Physically hitting someone like that is never ok, and who knows if he'll find it forgivable, but you gotta try. And he has to apologize, too, for being ridiculously insecure about a photo album.

You both have to figure out whether what each of you did is forgivable and then work from there. Remember that there are two parts to forgiveness: dismissal and investment. You will have to be able to dismiss his transgression of stupid insecurity, and he will have to be able to dismiss your physically assaulting him. The next step is to figure out whether you both are willing to invest in one another.

Once you've discussed these key points, you'll know whether counseling is necessary.

 

2lilmamas
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 4:28 AM
You both need individual counseling. And also couples therapy. There is insecurity issues here.
MrsDAJ720
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 5:06 AM
Well, I can tell you that I found albums early on in my marriage that I didnt like of my DH. They made him look like trash. I knew of his wild days, but I didn't want a visual reminder in our bedroom. It hurt because I felt like the past should be left there, and some things need to go when you have a spouse, out of respect. I do not have pics of my single days. Ihave albums for my children with their Dad but that is it. I dont need them. As for the violence and drinking, counseling. But try not to be too hard on him. Its difficult for some people to see the ones they love all over other people even if it was before their time with them. People deal with things differently.
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