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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I think my DH resents me...

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:49 AM
  • 11 Replies

So me and my DH have been together for 3 1/2 years, married for 2 months. Before we got married, up until I'd say about a year ago we had a very passionate relationship. During that year we almost called off the wedding about two different times, we were fighting ALL the time about everything. It got so bad that I ended up leaving and spending the night in a hotel because we couldn't stop attacking each other. (Not physically he would never lay 1 finger on me.)  We ended up going to pre martial counseling and our relationship got a lot better.

Now we don't fight as much, I mean we have our disagreements every now & then but eh no big deal. Well my  W2's came into today and my DH saw how much money I made last year. I honestly thought it was less than what it was but whatever...anyway I'm starting to think my DH resents this a lot. He has three kids from a previous who he has to pay child support for, so his income is pretty tight. He used to work at the same I place I have been at for almost 5 years. This has also hindered us from trying to have a baby of our own. He doesn't want to start trying until he makes a certain amount of money. I have always shared everything with him. He has access to all my bank accounts, he's the beneficiary on my life insurance policy. If his children need something I happily will pay for it because to me its just money, and I would say that even if I made 7.00/hr (which at one point I have.)

How did you other ladies deal with something like this?

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Cindy1221
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:57 AM
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 Yes, been married 23yrs. I have always made more money than my dh. In the begining, It was brought up about how much more money I made than he did, and I just told him that he was lucky I didn't sit my ass at home and do nothing like some women...haha. He had one of those before I met him. So, now the tables are turned. I don't work and I stay home with our youngest (4), and dh now gets to raise his head high and know he is the only bread winner...lol.

BTW....You go girl, Make that money! He will appreciate it anyways, he doesn't have to like it. Keep being a strong hard working mommy. I feel, now, that I don't make money, he doesn't respect me as much as before..I hope that make sense.. 

LilTymomma
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:15 AM
1 mom liked this

This money thing is so hard to become ok with and open with your partner, I think. We are having problems about communicating our finances right now. I guess he is too shy or seems embarrassed. Yeah, we're a bit tight.  

I think that when it comes to providing is a guy's "instinct" just  like we have a motherly instinct, is part of their nature. A lot of guys feel emasculated(?) by earning less than the gurl. Is like someone taking away our motherly role. I hope I'm making sense. (lol) A Guy "has" to provide and protect. It's a guy thing it sucks for a gurl because we want to be equal (I do), but I think we gotta understand their nature. To be honest, I still don't know how to "fix" this, but understanding and letting them know you understand is a start. 

Love Always,

Angel

typing

briebaby123
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Some men feel like they should be making the money and taking care of the family...and if they don't, they don't really feel like men. That's what my husband told me when I used to make way more than he could. But now he makes more than I, and yet he still worries about money. It's a guy thing unfortunately.
Here's something to help...start putting money aside in an envelope marked "Baby..."
Once he sees you've started saving and will have money for the baby, it may help. I know it did with my hubby. :]

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:35 AM

 Maybe you can just talk to your husband about it

Snapdragon88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:43 AM
He's mad because you make more money? That's childish... I'm not at all sure how I would deal with that.
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TS9509
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:49 AM
I make more money and work less hours than DH and sometimes his brother gives him a hard time about it. My DH just responds by saying I'm proud of my wife for being a awesome hard working woman and I don't care who makes more money.
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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I make more money than my husband. He's secure enough in himself that his ego isn't hurt by that. We're partners that work for our family. It doesn't matter who makes more. I'm proud of him and he's proud of me.
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AimSnapHolz
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:01 AM

This was pretty much my thought process. I doubt that he resents you OP, it's probably more that he feels less "manly" because he doesn't bring as much to the table as you do right now. Trying to tend to that need to feel "manly" may help, as well as making sure he understands that you don't see it the way that he does and that who makes more money isn't important to you, as long as your family is provided for.


Quoting LilTymomma:

This money thing is so hard to become ok with and open with your partner, I think. We are having problems about communicating our finances right now. I guess he is too shy or seems embarrassed. Yeah, we're a bit tight.  

I think that when it comes to providing is a guy's "instinct" just  like we have a motherly instinct, is part of their nature. A lot of guys feel emasculated(?) by earning less than the gurl. Is like someone taking away our motherly role. I hope I'm making sense. (lol) A Guy "has" to provide and protect. It's a guy thing it sucks for a gurl because we want to be equal (I do), but I think we gotta understand their nature. To be honest, I still don't know how to "fix" this, but understanding and letting them know you understand is a start. 



Monsita
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:02 AM

weddingYES, he may resent it, that you make more money....

The real issue is that he sees how his money goes away to take care of his other kids WHILE HE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ENOUGH LEFT for a kid that he wants to have with you.....

It can be very frustrated....I know because my best friend went through something like this.....PLEASE!  keep on being understanding....and loving.....Best of luck!!!

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this
You guys are a couple, a unit a team! Your money is his and vice versa. He shouldn't worry about it. And you should let him know that. Stop referring to it as yours and start saying ours. Maybe join accounts and let him know and feel like it is yours. Give him that confidence.

Fot the first time in my life my husband makes a lot more than me. I was very insecure and scared to be honest but i am ok now. Its a hard pill to swallow at first knowing that someone else has to foot more of the bill.
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