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so last night I got onto my laptop which dh had used last week while his was in repair. I went to open my e mailmail and it was logged in to his account and open to a msg from a dating web site. I have never not trusted him but my curiosity go the best of me I opened it and was stunned. he has had the account for months and has numerous contact with girls looking for "intimate encounters". I'm non confrontational but this is a problem...how do I go from here?

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:32 PM
Replies (11-17):
gdsTX
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Going about it that way can make you look just as guilty and it's not really a good tactic. When discussed outside the home, it leaves more options open and doesn't bring as much tension into the home itself. Home is where you are comfortable and relaxed. You don't want to start a situation that may be volatile in that space. If you're elsewhere, it leaves you with several "outs" like he can leave if that's what is really in the beat interest of you both. No matter the outcome, don't let it eat you up inside. Come clean and let him know you expect the same. Honesty is always the best option because keeping it inside is just so damaging to your own psyche. Don't get upset when you talk about it, or at least try not to. Get all your tears out beforehand and try to be as rational as possible. I nearly drive myself crazy with things, but I'm getting better about talking things over and not having the conversation in my head so that he never gets a chance to say his piece.


Quoting ashtayk:

someone else, told me to make a fake account and contact him but I feel that lowers me to his level. plus I don't know if I want the answers that would give me


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ashtayk
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:28 AM

so I confronted him and he said he did it several months ago when we were "having problems" except I didn't know we were having problems...I had just had a baby so us I was different for awhile but problems? so he swore nothing ever happened and offered me to look through his phone and computer right there which I declined. he said he was really sorry and he seemed sincere. I never would have guessed this and I believe it was just a weak moment for him so  agreed to give him another chance but I feel I'm still soaking I in so how can I just move on?

pittymama
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:37 AM


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

print out what you found and give it to him. Then ask him how soon he can pack and leave ?


Cindy1221
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:18 AM

 It your brave enough, you could always try to schedule a meeting with him posing as one of those women...lol.

Quoting ashtayk:

I tried...no luck

 

AlohaTink
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:19 AM
I giggled at that lol


Quoting furbabymum:

First be positive it isn't spam. I know if you look at my email I'm banging women like crazy and I have a tiny penis. lol If it's not spam I'm all for being upfront about it. I found this, have you slept with anyone? Will you go to counseling with me or do you want a divorce because I'm not the sharing kind.


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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:45 AM

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it means monogamy probably isn't natural for him, some men can't do it. You are going to be continually on the look out for "cheating" the rest of your life, I'm sorry.

gdsTX
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:16 AM

Consider some counseling. Let him know that it's to help you with moving past this and to make sure that there are no more issues lurking around the corner waiting to pop out at you both. He may balk at it, but assure him that it's for your piece of mind like a relationship check-up.


Quoting ashtayk:

so I confronted him and he said he did it several months ago when we were "having problems" except I didn't know we were having problems...I had just had a baby so us I was different for awhile but problems? so he swore nothing ever happened and offered me to look through his phone and computer right there which I declined. he said he was really sorry and he seemed sincere. I never would have guessed this and I believe it was just a weak moment for him so  agreed to give him another chance but I feel I'm still soaking I in so how can I just move on?


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