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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I really need some perspective....

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:12 AM
  • 14 Replies

My DH just got offered a job working on an oil rig in a different city. It's not a lot more money than he makes now but there aren't as many job expenses (He probably only takes home about 2 thirds of what he makes now.) Unfortunately this job isn't necessarily long term (the oil indusrty is pretty bust or boom, as my dad put it.) There are also a lot of safety hazards with this job as he would be working around very dangerous equipment and chemicals for very long hours at a time (we were told the workers are sometimes on site for 3 days or more straight.) He is guaranteed 40 hours a week and there are full benefits (completely free to us) which we don't have now, but it comes at a pretty high price. We also have 3 little kids and I'm pregnant with our fourth currently and it has been a very rough pregnancy (she's tried to come early once already.) If we took this job he would probably have to leave me and the kids for a month or two before we could move up there with him. Plus we only have one vehicle so he would have to rely soley on his friend who works at the same place for transportation because I can't be left for 2 months without a car and 3 kiddos. I know absolutely no one who lives in this city and it's almost 2 hours from where mine and his families live. There are a lot of bonuses too, though. Obviously taking home more money is a plus as well as putting less miles on ouyr car (his current job requires 50 miles of driving a day) and there are much better schools and hospitals where we would be moving to. It's also a chance to start over which we have needed for a while now. It's scary, though. I don't like the idea of him being gone that much especially if I go into labor unexpectedly again.

I guess I just need some input from the outside on this. We really have no idea what to do. I'm also afraid of the toll this could have on our relationship.... We just worked through a really rough patch and our relationship is finally back on track... The stress of all of this could completely ruin that.

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
starsis68
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:20 AM
You have to do what fills right. For you and your family.
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Swt7
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:02 AM
Sometimes it's hard to bear when you are pg and with 3 lil ones alone however you need to make dh happy and safe about his new job by encouraging him to take hrt that no harm will befall him while at work even if others get hurt there tell him he won't be hurt!
Also concerning your situation call in a close relative to stay with you while dh is away,first talk to him about it and see whether he likes the above idea.
Being away for miles and hours really stresses but thinking positively about the situation will light your burden since
"A HAPPY HEART MAKES THE FACE CHEERFUL,BUT HEARTACHE CRUSHES THE SPIRIT."
Proverbs 15:13
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:28 AM

Does he have medical insurance for you all at his current job? Does he like his current job? Travel and separation are hard on a family, I think you would have to move to be close to him asap, are you renting your home now or would you have to sell it?

goddess829
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:16 AM
1 mom liked this

Go with you and your hubby's gut instinct, but don't let fear prevent you from missing a good opportunity.

pristine729
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, unless this new job has security (meaning he knows he'll be working there in three to five years) I wouldn't move. Job security is more important.

And obviously the money at his current job isn't that bad because you can afford another child with it.
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justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:27 AM
My thought is, it will only damage tour relationship if you LET it. It could also bring you closer. This could be a huge positive for you. More money better insurance a fresh start better schools! Sounds amazing to me.

When my husband went into iron work I was so scared. I was worried every day. It is so dangerous. But, it led to an amazing opportunity

He was hired as their estimator;

Think positive
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LDavis33
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:50 AM

This is a pretty tricky situation to be in.  I think you really need to sit down with your DH and discuss everything in detail.  Make a list of all of the pros and the cons and go from there.    

This might sound old-fashioned to some, but my mother always said to me that she would travel anywhere for my dad to build his career because it benefited everyone in the long run.  But the rule in their marriage is that when he retires, she gets to decide where they will end up.

eoewan
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:57 AM

My husband works in the oil industry. He has for as long as we've been married - 25 yrs this year. I basically raised and am raising 4 kids on my own. It takes a very strong independent type of woman to live this way. Yes, your husband's job is dangerous but the way to look at it is it is just as dangerous driving to and from work. Your husband will take all necessary training to avoid the dangerous hazards and these tickets are updated every few years where he will have to do the training all over again.

As for your marriage suffering with the separation due to work. You will find you appreciate each other more. You won't argue or fight because there is no time. You will spend your time together loving and catching up.

You have to be honest with yourself. Can you be the only support in your home for your kids. Or, do you rely on your husband a lot. When anything goes wrong it will be up to you to handle it alone. Take a long hard inventory of yourself to see if you can deal with this life style.

katjo13
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Go with your gut. It sounds like a good opportunity. It will be hard. Change is always difficult. It is up to you to embrace it and make the best of it.
I know being alone with 3 kids and one on the way will be difficult.my husband is in the military. So I know first hand how hard it can be. I am currently pregnant with our fourth and have to move us two states away to a new duty station with out him being here. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have to be out of our house in 10 days.
I find it easier to just embrace change than to be scarred of it. It will get easier and after you do this you will know in your heart you are able to do anything and handle any challenge that comes your way. Just believe in your self and find the strength to make the desicion that is best for your family.
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mommyof24ever
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:50 PM
Ur in a really tough spot.and I can relate in a lot of ways its scarywhen u are having a rough pregnancy. All u want is ur husband its security. Having two rough pregnancies where both wanted nd did come early it eaves u insecure. Especially when u have other little ones depending on u solely. Its hard to uproot late ina pregnancy when u are have complications. I don't know if u believe in prayer. But when it is more important than ever to
Make the right decicion. I always pray for guidance. Jesus works in mysterious ways. All the best. U are in my prayers.
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