Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Porn UPDATE at bottom of post

Posted by   + Show Post

So, DH and I both have iPhones with iCloud. We use the same e-mail address because it's easier to keep track if he buys something from iTunes. I handle the checkbook. He showed me the other day that our phones have the same bookmarks in safari. I thought that was weird, but no biggy. I noticed in our bookmarks, there is a tab called iCloud Tabs. I didn't know what it was so I opened it and it shows all teh web pages open on all our devices. Well, it showed me what was open on his phone and I saw one page said, "Mature Photos". I almost ignored it because it didn't register with me as anything offensive. I went ahead and opened the page anyway and it was porn... lots of porn. My husband had a safari page open of porn. I calmly and quietly asked him to come with me to the bathroom as to not discuss it around the kids. I asked him what it was about and he got really defensive and said someone must have hacked our wifi. I gave him one last ounce of trust and got on our computer. It is still a locked wifi and besides that, the signal ends as soon as you exit the driveway. I told him, "It says it is open on your phone. I know you were looking at it. Don't lie to me." I don't remember exact words, but I stayed quiet and calm. I didn't want the kids to hear or get worried. After a long talk, he admited that he was looking at it about a week ago and has on and off (seldom, he says) our whole marriage. Now, I understand that some of you may think it's not a big deal; that all men do it, but that's not how I feel. Not once have I ever thought to look at porn since I've been with him. Not once. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel as though I have been cheated on. He looked at other women naked. I'm not okay with that. I told him, if he wants to see all that, he can look at me. There is nothing they have that I don't. I also told him, I gave birth to his children. I take care of them and him and our dogs. I asked him a lot of questions like when would he look at this stuff. And I could just smack myself because he is always on his phone and he doesn't have games on it... facebook is not that interesting. I should have known something was up. I believe him when he says that it is seldom... well, I WANT to believe him. I'm really depressed about all of this. He asked me what he could do to make it up to me. I told him if I told him what to do, that is like me writing out school work answers and just have him copy them down. I can't do his work. I just don't know what to tell him anymore. Obviously, I'm not leaving him. I believe in fixing things first. I'm just really hurt. He says it won't happen again. I'd like to believe that, but when we first got married, this happened... when I was pregnant and he said the same. He says he is sorry, but I feel he is only sorry he got caught. I'm sure I made him feel like shit about it and he feels guilty, but I also think if he hadn't gotten caught, he would have just kept it going.


I don't want to fight about it every day. It has pretty much seen all it can. However, if I just act normal, he's going to think I got over it and he got away with it. It's not like I expect him to watlz in here with something that will make me feel all better. I would just like him to make an effort to prove that he is worthy of my trust. BTW, if it happens again, as sad as I will be, I will leave him. A third time would be conformation that he loves to look at others more than me.


I just needed someone to talk to about this.  I can't talk about it to people in real life.  It's too personal.



UPDATE: Perhaps I posted this too quickly. I just wanted to let everyone know, DH and I had another talk again tonight and I really do feel a lot better. I explained exactly how I feel. I should be the one that makes him hard. He took that away from me and gave it to these skanks in the pictures. I really think it helped to explain my feelings. I feel a lot better. We had some rough moments tonight. I actually dropped my dinner plate and my food dumped on the floor. I just broke down, cried a lot. It felt good to just get it out. Long story short, DH split his plate in half and the right words were said and I think we are going to work out. Thanks for listening. I think typing it out helped.
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM

Are you saying that even if both husband and wife are ok with porn in their marriage, that it's not entertainment?

Quoting StrawberryCool:

No its not entertainmemt for married men.


Quoting No1knows:

I'm ok if my man looks at porn. It's just entertainment. I'd rather know than think he is sneaking around hiding things from me. We look at porn together sometimes but if he does it on his own its really no big deal at all. I think denying a man visual freedom is unrealistic and just asking to push him away. Think about why you feel so uncomfortable. Does it make you insecure? Porn is fantasy. Fantasy is fun.



MagicTemptation
by Christina on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM

I am sorry you went through all this. I am glad you and your husband are working it out hun.

KZuz
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I watch porn with my husband, it's fun! But anything done behind my back is sneaky and I'd be pissed!

emillz92
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:56 AM

I agree with you. Yeah, I know that some people are fine with it and some even look at it together and blah blah blah... But I think that as your husband, he should only want to see you that way. To me, if my husband looked at porn, it would feel like I am not good enough and don't make him feel that way anymore. There would definitely be some issues.. If he promised to never do it again, and really never did, then sure, of course I'd let it go and it would be water under the bridge. But doing it, then lying about it and doing it more would so not sit well with me and I wouldn't want to be with him anymore.. I'm glad to hear you may have worked things out though. Good luck! :)

jellybeanjean
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:17 AM

First time you caught him eh? You'll get over it. I used to get pissed about DH and porn, these days IDC as long as it isn't taking away from our sex life. Try not to control him, he'll just go after what he can't have(and clearly already wants) more. Most of the time it's not because men don't find their wives or SO's attractive, or because they NEED to fantasize about other women. It's really just about getting off. If it was about other women he would actually be chasing them IRL.

sunfire79
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:21 PM

I'm on the fence about this one.  I know my husband looks at it, but he denies that he does.  That's what hurts.  I know that he has created a page on a dating site, I found that today and have no clue how to say anything about that.  He was caught not too long ago talking to an ex girlfriend, while I was pregnant with his child.  Hopefully he does not get caught doing something stupid again.  I've been stupid in the past too, but no way would I do anything again.  I believe in second chances, but third and fourth i'm not sure about.  All I'm asking is for honesty....let me know if you are unhappy with me, but don't go behind my back and check out other women.

willow105
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:26 PM



Quoting StrawberryCool:

No its not entertainmemt for married men.


Quoting No1knows:

I'm ok if my man looks at porn. It's just entertainment. I'd rather know than think he is sneaking around hiding things from me. We look at porn together sometimes but if he does it on his own its really no big deal at all. I think denying a man visual freedom is unrealistic and just asking to push him away. Think about why you feel so uncomfortable. Does it make you insecure? Porn is fantasy. Fantasy is fun.



I don't care if my husband watches it,as long as he tells me that he did.

StrawberryCool
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:07 PM

if he has to tell you that he watched it, then you care.


Quoting willow105:



Quoting StrawberryCool:

No its not entertainmemt for married men.


Quoting No1knows:

I'm ok if my man looks at porn. It's just entertainment. I'd rather know than think he is sneaking around hiding things from me. We look at porn together sometimes but if he does it on his own its really no big deal at all. I think denying a man visual freedom is unrealistic and just asking to push him away. Think about why you feel so uncomfortable. Does it make you insecure? Porn is fantasy. Fantasy is fun.



I don't care if my husband watches it,as long as he tells me that he did.



EmilysMom2010
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Whoa.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mandymb
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:14 PM
3 moms liked this
i feel bad for all these guys who get the 3rd degree for porn. so silly.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)