So, DH and I both have iPhones with iCloud. We use the same e-mail address because it's easier to keep track if he buys something from iTunes. I handle the checkbook. He showed me the other day that our phones have the same bookmarks in safari. I thought that was weird, but no biggy. I noticed in our bookmarks, there is a tab called iCloud Tabs. I didn't know what it was so I opened it and it shows all teh web pages open on all our devices. Well, it showed me what was open on his phone and I saw one page said, "Mature Photos". I almost ignored it because it didn't register with me as anything offensive. I went ahead and opened the page anyway and it was porn... lots of porn. My husband had a safari page open of porn. I calmly and quietly asked him to come with me to the bathroom as to not discuss it around the kids. I asked him what it was about and he got really defensive and said someone must have hacked our wifi. I gave him one last ounce of trust and got on our computer. It is still a locked wifi and besides that, the signal ends as soon as you exit the driveway. I told him, "It says it is open on your phone. I know you were looking at it. Don't lie to me." I don't remember exact words, but I stayed quiet and calm. I didn't want the kids to hear or get worried. After a long talk, he admited that he was looking at it about a week ago and has on and off (seldom, he says) our whole marriage. Now, I understand that some of you may think it's not a big deal; that all men do it, but that's not how I feel. Not once have I ever thought to look at porn since I've been with him. Not once. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel as though I have been cheated on. He looked at other women naked. I'm not okay with that. I told him, if he wants to see all that, he can look at me. There is nothing they have that I don't. I also told him, I gave birth to his children. I take care of them and him and our dogs. I asked him a lot of questions like when would he look at this stuff. And I could just smack myself because he is always on his phone and he doesn't have games on it... facebook is not that interesting. I should have known something was up. I believe him when he says that it is seldom... well, I WANT to believe him. I'm really depressed about all of this. He asked me what he could do to make it up to me. I told him if I told him what to do, that is like me writing out school work answers and just have him copy them down. I can't do his work. I just don't know what to tell him anymore. Obviously, I'm not leaving him. I believe in fixing things first. I'm just really hurt. He says it won't happen again. I'd like to believe that, but when we first got married, this happened... when I was pregnant and he said the same. He says he is sorry, but I feel he is only sorry he got caught. I'm sure I made him feel like shit about it and he feels guilty, but I also think if he hadn't gotten caught, he would have just kept it going.
I don't want to fight about it every day. It has pretty much seen all it can. However, if I just act normal, he's going to think I got over it and he got away with it. It's not like I expect him to watlz in here with something that will make me feel all better. I would just like him to make an effort to prove that he is worthy of my trust. BTW, if it happens again, as sad as I will be, I will leave him. A third time would be conformation that he loves to look at others more than me.
I just needed someone to talk to about this. I can't talk about it to people in real life. It's too personal.
UPDATE: Perhaps I posted this too quickly. I just wanted to let everyone know, DH and I had another talk again tonight and I really do feel a lot better. I explained exactly how I feel. I should be the one that makes him hard. He took that away from me and gave it to these skanks in the pictures. I really think it helped to explain my feelings. I feel a lot better. We had some rough moments tonight. I actually dropped my dinner plate and my food dumped on the floor. I just broke down, cried a lot. It felt good to just get it out. Long story short, DH split his plate in half and the right words were said and I think we are going to work out. Thanks for listening. I think typing it out helped.
Quoting sunfire79:I'm on the fence about this one. I know my husband looks at it, but he denies that he does. That's what hurts. I know that he has created a page on a dating site, I found that today and have no clue how to say anything about that. He was caught not too long ago talking to an ex girlfriend, while I was pregnant with his child. Hopefully he does not get caught doing something stupid again. I've been stupid in the past too, but no way would I do anything again. I believe in second chances, but third and fourth i'm not sure about. All I'm asking is for honesty....let me know if you are unhappy with me, but don't go behind my back and check out other women.
Quoting StrawberryCool:
I agree with you.
I hate porn.
Even when single didnt look at it.
I know how you feel.
My husband was cought looking at it last summer.
Promised me he wouldnt look at it again, and then just recently got cought again...the second time ive not questioned him about it.
But its disrespectful.
Quoting catrig:
He should have been honest about it.
I AGREE
Quoting tracy211:We both like porn. I like girls too, so i'm cool watching anything. I mean come on, after 16 year of marriage, i want to at least LOOK at something else occasionally! I love my hubby, but damn...there's only so many green M&M's you can take before you gotta have another color!
I honestly don't get it either. I have a lot of issues, and I've been very insecure in the past. But it's never occured to me to view him wanting to watch porn as a reflection of me. Maybe that's why I really don't care. Besides he can take it or leave it, sometimes I'm the one that suggests it because he doesn't ask about it lol. But that's how we are, I'm aware other people do it differently.
Quoting sydjademom24:
Im sorry, I wouldnt be at all helpful. I cant stand that some women find porn so offensive. We watch it together, and sometimes seperatly. The reason he hid it from you is because he knows your reaction. You find it insulting, like you should be enough. I am more than enough and I could care less if my husband looked all day every day. We have an amazing sex life, thanks in part to porn. So I cant find it in me to be all bent out of shape about a man looking. I can barely keep up with my husbands sex drive...so I really dont mind. I think its just being taken far too seriously. Guys will be guys...they need visual stimulation. Doesnt mean they are subconsiously wishing the girl on the screen was you. Theres no reason to feel threatened by it. But this is just my opinion. And your entitled to yours.
I felt the same way when I first found out my hubby was looking at it. But,it don't really bother me that mmuch any more. As long as he tells me that he did it so its not behind my back.
And,he don't talk about it a lot.
Quoting StrawberryCool:
I agree with you.
I hate porn.
Even when single didnt look at it.
I know how you feel.
My husband was cought looking at it last summer.
Promised me he wouldnt look at it again, and then just recently got cought again...the second time ive not questioned him about it.
But its disrespectful.
not sure why it is bothering me but
- iSarah
on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:56 PM