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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Porn UPDATE at bottom of post

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So, DH and I both have iPhones with iCloud. We use the same e-mail address because it's easier to keep track if he buys something from iTunes. I handle the checkbook. He showed me the other day that our phones have the same bookmarks in safari. I thought that was weird, but no biggy. I noticed in our bookmarks, there is a tab called iCloud Tabs. I didn't know what it was so I opened it and it shows all teh web pages open on all our devices. Well, it showed me what was open on his phone and I saw one page said, "Mature Photos". I almost ignored it because it didn't register with me as anything offensive. I went ahead and opened the page anyway and it was porn... lots of porn. My husband had a safari page open of porn. I calmly and quietly asked him to come with me to the bathroom as to not discuss it around the kids. I asked him what it was about and he got really defensive and said someone must have hacked our wifi. I gave him one last ounce of trust and got on our computer. It is still a locked wifi and besides that, the signal ends as soon as you exit the driveway. I told him, "It says it is open on your phone. I know you were looking at it. Don't lie to me." I don't remember exact words, but I stayed quiet and calm. I didn't want the kids to hear or get worried. After a long talk, he admited that he was looking at it about a week ago and has on and off (seldom, he says) our whole marriage. Now, I understand that some of you may think it's not a big deal; that all men do it, but that's not how I feel. Not once have I ever thought to look at porn since I've been with him. Not once. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel as though I have been cheated on. He looked at other women naked. I'm not okay with that. I told him, if he wants to see all that, he can look at me. There is nothing they have that I don't. I also told him, I gave birth to his children. I take care of them and him and our dogs. I asked him a lot of questions like when would he look at this stuff. And I could just smack myself because he is always on his phone and he doesn't have games on it... facebook is not that interesting. I should have known something was up. I believe him when he says that it is seldom... well, I WANT to believe him. I'm really depressed about all of this. He asked me what he could do to make it up to me. I told him if I told him what to do, that is like me writing out school work answers and just have him copy them down. I can't do his work. I just don't know what to tell him anymore. Obviously, I'm not leaving him. I believe in fixing things first. I'm just really hurt. He says it won't happen again. I'd like to believe that, but when we first got married, this happened... when I was pregnant and he said the same. He says he is sorry, but I feel he is only sorry he got caught. I'm sure I made him feel like shit about it and he feels guilty, but I also think if he hadn't gotten caught, he would have just kept it going.


I don't want to fight about it every day. It has pretty much seen all it can. However, if I just act normal, he's going to think I got over it and he got away with it. It's not like I expect him to watlz in here with something that will make me feel all better. I would just like him to make an effort to prove that he is worthy of my trust. BTW, if it happens again, as sad as I will be, I will leave him. A third time would be conformation that he loves to look at others more than me.


I just needed someone to talk to about this.  I can't talk about it to people in real life.  It's too personal.



UPDATE: Perhaps I posted this too quickly. I just wanted to let everyone know, DH and I had another talk again tonight and I really do feel a lot better. I explained exactly how I feel. I should be the one that makes him hard. He took that away from me and gave it to these skanks in the pictures. I really think it helped to explain my feelings. I feel a lot better. We had some rough moments tonight. I actually dropped my dinner plate and my food dumped on the floor. I just broke down, cried a lot. It felt good to just get it out. Long story short, DH split his plate in half and the right words were said and I think we are going to work out. Thanks for listening. I think typing it out helped.
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
iSarah
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:32 PM
I'm sorry. I know someone who did the same; made a dating profile while his wife was pregnant. I'm not close to either of them so I'm not sure how it worked out. It wasn't long ago and she is still pregnant. I'm good friends with an in-law so I'll ask about it. I hope it works out for you if you want it to.


Quoting sunfire79:

I'm on the fence about this one.  I know my husband looks at it, but he denies that he does.  That's what hurts.  I know that he has created a page on a dating site, I found that today and have no clue how to say anything about that.  He was caught not too long ago talking to an ex girlfriend, while I was pregnant with his child.  Hopefully he does not get caught doing something stupid again.  I've been stupid in the past too, but no way would I do anything again.  I believe in second chances, but third and fourth i'm not sure about.  All I'm asking is for honesty....let me know if you are unhappy with me, but don't go behind my back and check out other women.


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sydjademom24
by Rachel J on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Im sorry, I wouldnt be at all helpful. I cant stand that some women find porn so offensive. We watch it together, and sometimes seperatly. The reason he hid it from you is because he knows your reaction. You find it insulting, like you should be enough. I am more than enough and I could care less if my husband looked all day every day. We have an amazing sex life, thanks in part to porn. So I cant find it in me to be all bent out of shape about a man looking. I can barely keep up with my husbands sex drive...so I really dont mind. I think its just being taken far too seriously. Guys will be guys...they need visual stimulation. Doesnt mean they are subconsiously wishing the girl on the screen was you. Theres no reason to feel threatened by it. But this is just my opinion. And your entitled to yours.
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tracy211
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:56 PM

We both like porn.  I like girls too, so i'm cool watching anything.  I mean come on, after 16 year of marriage, i want to at least LOOK at something else occasionally!  I love my hubby, but damn...there's only so many green M&M's you can take before you gotta have another color!

Apr1l
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:53 AM
How did u catch him again? did u decide to let it go?

Quoting StrawberryCool:

I agree with you.



I hate porn.



Even when single didnt look at it.



I know how you feel.



My husband was cought looking at it last summer.



Promised me he wouldnt look at it again, and then just recently got cought again...the second time ive not questioned him about it.



But its disrespectful.
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Susie140
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:10 PM

 


Quoting catrig:

He should have been honest about it.


 I AGREE

iSarah
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:36 PM
Technically, all the MnMs taste the same lol... Unless you get peanut butter or peanuts. They make mint, too.


Quoting tracy211:

We both like porn.  I like girls too, so i'm cool watching anything.  I mean come on, after 16 year of marriage, i want to at least LOOK at something else occasionally!  I love my hubby, but damn...there's only so many green M&M's you can take before you gotta have another color!


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boshs1andonly
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:51 PM

I honestly don't get it either. I have a lot of issues, and I've been very insecure in the past. But it's never occured to me to view him wanting to watch porn as a reflection of me. Maybe that's why I really don't care. Besides he can take it or leave it, sometimes I'm the one that suggests it because he doesn't ask about it lol. But that's how we are, I'm aware other people do it differently. 

Quoting sydjademom24:

Im sorry, I wouldnt be at all helpful. I cant stand that some women find porn so offensive. We watch it together, and sometimes seperatly. The reason he hid it from you is because he knows your reaction. You find it insulting, like you should be enough. I am more than enough and I could care less if my husband looked all day every day. We have an amazing sex life, thanks in part to porn. So I cant find it in me to be all bent out of shape about a man looking. I can barely keep up with my husbands sex drive...so I really dont mind. I think its just being taken far too seriously. Guys will be guys...they need visual stimulation. Doesnt mean they are subconsiously wishing the girl on the screen was you. Theres no reason to feel threatened by it. But this is just my opinion. And your entitled to yours.


mommy2be77
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:07 PM
I am 50/50 about it. Part of me hates that he watches it cause they are better looking then me ( bigger boobs flatter stomach) the other half of me I don't care cuz I rather him do that then go out to a strip club or cheat.
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willow105
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:44 PM

I felt the same way when I first found out my hubby was looking at it. But,it don't really bother me that mmuch any more. As long as he tells me that he did it so its not behind my back.

And,he don't talk about it a lot.

ToolArmy066
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:43 PM
Omg! My husband pulled the same shit last year. We had been married a week and he was "too tired for sex" but had time for that crap. I told him it was deal breaker in the beginning of our relationship. I saw what did t my sisters marriage and I wasn't having it. Told him next time he was gonna loose his family. Promised me wouldn't do it again. Well I looked at his old phone and four months after i told him that, he apparently tried to download it, it failed to download 4 times that he tried. I just recently found this out I'm so fucking pissed.


Quoting StrawberryCool:

I agree with you.



I hate porn.



Even when single didnt look at it.



I know how you feel.



My husband was cought looking at it last summer.



Promised me he wouldnt look at it again, and then just recently got cought again...the second time ive not questioned him about it.



But its disrespectful.

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