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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

DH Has Been Starting To Have Substance Abuse Problems Again.

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM
  • 19 Replies

DH had been clean and sober for 10 years and 4 months untill I think last month(I really can't get a straight answer from him on when he relapsed). I am really pissed and hurt by him right now. It can only get worse because he will be going on tour in a week away from my watchful eye.

Some back story. He was born a crack baby and also with fetal alcohol syndrome. His parents were both crack and herion addicts. His problems started I'd say when we were 10. I started smelling a stange smell on him all the time of course unknown to me was marijuana. He says that his dad showed him how to a roll a joint around this time and they started smoking marijuana together.  His Mom dies from an OD and his dad skips out on him shortly after the funeral. My parents took him in instead of letting him go into they system. He started hanging with some questionable people more and the next thing I know he smoking herion and crack.  Mind you he is only 11 at this point. "That quickly turned into him injecting heroin and speed. I was really sad to watch him like this as he was my best friend since forever. My parents tried putting him in rehabs for teens he would just find ways to escape. When we were 14 I got pregnant by him.  Initially he still continued to use during the beginning of the pregnancy.  I got absloutely fed up one night with him and gave him an ultimatum and he decided that he was going to try to kick it cold turkey. I can still remeber how dope sick he was from the withdrawl.  From that point on he was clean. He stepped up become an amazing father to now three kids and a good husband.

I figured out that he relapsed because I saw this empy chip bag in his car. I remembered the only time he ate junk food was when he was using. At fist he tried to lie about it but, i kept pressing him and he gave it up. I told him that he needed to leave. That I wasn't going to have him around the kids until he checked himself into rehab, worked the 10 step program and showed me that he could stay clean. This broke him and broke me inside but, I had to put my kids safety and well being first. I have my mother staying with me right now so I can check on DH. He is stashed up in a skumbag hotel using. Yesterday I couldnt get him to answer the door. This morning I was able to get in and he looks like an absolute mess.  He is about 6 feet tall and he is starting to look scarecrowish. His eyes look dead. My husband, best friend, and father of my childre is slowly killing himself. I can't convince him to go to rehab. Mostly because he is a pretty lucrative tour coming up that he says he can't miss because the venues will sue him for cancelled shows.I yelled at him explaining that his life, his family, are more pressing issues right now. I am just so frustrated, scared, hurt, and depressed. He claims that he is going to ween himself off the heroin and that is how he is going to get clean. I don't believe for a second that will work.

I am lost  for ideas and solutions to help him. I am affraid that once he goes on that tour that I am going to get a phone call to identify his body. I also think he was using maybe before December and I just didnt know it yet because he looks like is already on his way six feet under.

I am trying to keep it all together for my kids right now. I didnt have the heart to destroy their view of their father that they adore. They think that he is already on tour. 

I honestly feel overwhelmed right now. Are there any ladies that he dealt with their DH/SO having a substance abuse or alcohol abuse problem?


by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
feliciasmith
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Bump!
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afwifeandmommy3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:04 AM
My brother is a heroin addict my father a crack addict / heroin addict . Suboxin or methadone . He can't wean it won't work
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SareyF
by Sarah on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:12 AM
We've dealt with addiction but not in a long time. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope he wants to fix this and gets the help he needs. :(
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esmeralda1
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:21 AM



Quoting afwifeandmommy3:

My brother is a heroin addict my father a crack addict / heroin addict . Suboxin or methadone . He can't wean it won't work

I told him it wouldnt work. He was like I need to do i this way. I don't think he is ready to give it up yet


esmeralda1
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:24 AM



Quoting SareyF:

We've dealt with addiction but not in a long time. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope he wants to fix this and gets the help he needs. :(

If you dont mind me asking how did you guys deal with it? Any advice on what kind of stance I should take. I know I need to be firm and consistent with him. I just don't want to push him completely away. What was the deciding factor for you DH to change?


afwifeandmommy3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:28 AM
You need to give him an ultimatum and walk away . I can't count the times I wish my mother with my brother or my dads parents would of with my dad . My brother even went back to using after oding and being in a coma for 17 days . My dad is twice divorced and has lost his 5 kids . He has to want it . You can't want it for him . Give him the info the tools and walk away . Rock bottom has to it and it will kill you watching it so join alanon and stay strong
Are you religious
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afwifeandmommy3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:29 AM
My brother is on methadone and is sober now and has been 2 yrs . He was a 9 yr daily heroin user
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esmeralda1
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:35 AM



Quoting afwifeandmommy3:

You need to give him an ultimatum and walk away . I can't count the times I wish my mother with my brother or my dads parents would of with my dad . My brother even went back to using after oding and being in a coma for 17 days . My dad is twice divorced and has lost his 5 kids . He has to want it . You can't want it for him . Give him the info the tools and walk away . Rock bottom has to it and it will kill you watching it so join alanon and stay strong
Are you religious


Yes I am and thank your for the insight. When you say walk away do you mean completely cut off contact? Any advice on what I should tell my kids?

afwifeandmommy3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Try reading god loves an unmade bed . An addict wrote it .
Tell him that you love him that your here for him but that until he can fight for himself that you are going to fight for yourself . If need be allow him to call at a set time to assure you he's ok . I can say that will purely be for you not for him .as for the kids what are their ages


Quoting esmeralda1:




Quoting afwifeandmommy3:

You need to give him an ultimatum and walk away . I can't count the times I wish my mother with my brother or my dads parents would of with my dad . My brother even went back to using after oding and being in a coma for 17 days . My dad is twice divorced and has lost his 5 kids . He has to want it . You can't want it for him . Give him the info the tools and walk away . Rock bottom has to it and it will kill you watching it so join alanon and stay strong

Are you religious



Yes I am and thank your for the insight. When you say walk away do you mean completely cut off contact? Any advice on what I should tell my kids?

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afwifeandmommy3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:40 AM

This is my bro after he od'd . He was 17. He was suppose to be a vegetable
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