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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

23 and already know that I know I wont be having anymore children.

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 I know that I wont be having anymore children, but not because I have a medical problem or anything like that. Its that my husband doesnt help with my 7 month old now, and I know its a battle trying to get him to help with this one child so I doubt he'll help with the next one OR with two children running about. 

   I feel that I should get my tubes tied or find a way to not have children again (without going the non sex route althought I am pretty close to doing that). I cant do this on my own and I dont want my child having a shadow of a father.
Yes I have talked to my husband but talking really does not do anything. He doesnt change, he says that he is trying to change but he has made no changes. I have asked him to please put his phone away while watching our son but he still has it out. He has it out ALL the time! The only time he is not on that damn thing is if he is showering, having sex or sleeping. He is even on his phone while at work (thankfully it is allowed). He just doesnt do what I had ever expected.

  I bathe, feed, change diapers, change clothes, get up with our son most nights. I have to force him into playing with him, changing our sons diaper, getting up with him some nights. I just cant keep this up. I cant keep telling him when our son needs changed, or is hungry or what he needs to do when our son is fussing. I just dont know what to do any more. I am constantly crying now because I am feeling overwelmed. My son is teething and I need my husbands help now more than ever.

********EDIT*****

Lets get this straight. I will NOT be leaving my husband. Just because he is a crappy father who doesnt change diapers or his clothes or gives him  bathes does NOT give grounds for me to leave him.

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:36 AM
Replies (41-50):
LadyBug1990
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:25 AM
My dh had a hard time helping with our first baby. Once she got to about 18 months he became more confident to take care of her. He was scared at first and now with the second he's better. Sometimes it doesn't come as naturally to some men.
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newmom121812
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:26 AM
2 moms liked this
Tell him if he don't change your gonna break his phone then after u ask him to do something and he don't give him the warning again and if he still don't do it throw his phone outside against the concrete and tell him he is being rude and inconsiderate and that u need the help.
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chrtymcdnl
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:26 AM

I might be speaking differently if my husband wasnt so great with our family but thats not the case on the other hand....

If you have a husband that works 70+ hours a week (like mine) then no I certainly do not expect him to come home and sweep the floors. I take care of our home and children. Every family runs differently though. I think it should be equal pull. And if her husband is bringing in the income and cleaning and cooking... then yeah I think she shouldnt expect too much more.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Do you really believe that men shouldn't be expected to help out around the home?  Are you living in the 50's?


Quoting chrtymcdnl:

you still plan to get your tubes tide because he doesnt help with the son? Even though he brings in the income, cooks, does dishes & laundry? LOL

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 Yeah I should be counting my blessings. My husband cooks, does dishes and laundry. Soo...I must be crazy complaining.

Quoting chrtymcdnl:

If every woman left there husband because they didnt help with the children... there would be a lot of single moms. 

The most a woman should expect from their husband is to bring home a good income to support the family. Anything else such as cooking, cleaning or tending to the kids should certainly be thought of as a bonus.

Luckily my husband does cook & help tend to our daughter. I know how lucky I am. 

 

 





macbudsmom
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:29 AM

I agree if a woman is a sahm, but you made the statement for women in general.  If both are working, its simply not realistic to expect the woman to do all the household duties. 


Quoting chrtymcdnl:

I might be speaking differently if my husband wasnt so great with our family but thats not the case on the other hand....

If you have a husband that works 70+ hours a week (like mine) then no I certainly do not expect him to come home and sweep the floors. I take care of our home and children. Every family runs differently though. I think it should be equal pull. And if her husband is bringing in the income and cleaning and cooking... then yeah I think she shouldnt expect too much more.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Do you really believe that men shouldn't be expected to help out around the home?  Are you living in the 50's?


Quoting chrtymcdnl:

you still plan to get your tubes tide because he doesnt help with the son? Even though he brings in the income, cooks, does dishes & laundry? LOL

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 Yeah I should be counting my blessings. My husband cooks, does dishes and laundry. Soo...I must be crazy complaining.

Quoting chrtymcdnl:

If every woman left there husband because they didnt help with the children... there would be a lot of single moms. 

The most a woman should expect from their husband is to bring home a good income to support the family. Anything else such as cooking, cleaning or tending to the kids should certainly be thought of as a bonus.

Luckily my husband does cook & help tend to our daughter. I know how lucky I am. 

 

 







chrtymcdnl
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Right its all about meeting in the middle in that case.

Quoting macbudsmom:

I agree if a woman is a sahm, but you made the statement for women in general.  If both are working, its simply not realistic to expect the woman to do all the household duties. 


Quoting chrtymcdnl:

I might be speaking differently if my husband wasnt so great with our family but thats not the case on the other hand....

If you have a husband that works 70+ hours a week (like mine) then no I certainly do not expect him to come home and sweep the floors. I take care of our home and children. Every family runs differently though. I think it should be equal pull. And if her husband is bringing in the income and cleaning and cooking... then yeah I think she shouldnt expect too much more.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Do you really believe that men shouldn't be expected to help out around the home?  Are you living in the 50's?


Quoting chrtymcdnl:

you still plan to get your tubes tide because he doesnt help with the son? Even though he brings in the income, cooks, does dishes & laundry? LOL

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 Yeah I should be counting my blessings. My husband cooks, does dishes and laundry. Soo...I must be crazy complaining.

Quoting chrtymcdnl:

If every woman left there husband because they didnt help with the children... there would be a lot of single moms. 

The most a woman should expect from their husband is to bring home a good income to support the family. Anything else such as cooking, cleaning or tending to the kids should certainly be thought of as a bonus.

Luckily my husband does cook & help tend to our daughter. I know how lucky I am. 

 

 








gr8d8n3mom
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Yeah, as her mom, it was real hard to sit back and not say anything, she was married and at the time 23 yrs old. It wasn't my business,(tho I was seething) I did finally get the baby from the walker, and went looking for "daddy" with her stinky pants, and said, "someone needs a change!".  Usually, I can't sit by, I just take care of my Grand babies.(this isn't the only reason they are divorcing, tho I'm worried about my grand babies, on his weekends)

When my oldest grand daughter was born, my daughter was in college(nursing school) I lived with them for the first yr, to help with the child care, and shared expenses, so my daughter didn't have to work. So my older grand daughter and I have a special connection.  


Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 Holy hell!! Okay I am glad that my husband isnt that bad. I will admit that he total sucks at times but ....damn

Quoting gr8d8n3mom:

I'm so sorry. I understand ur situation.

I watched my ODD go thru the same thing. It's very difficult. (she never could get her X to change)  She had to flat out tell him. Hey can you do XYZ...  The toddler needs juice in her cup... etc..He of course had to take care of the babies, when he was alone, but I hated seeing him "take care of them" when she was at work. He would leave the youngest in her diaper for 3 plus hours. He would put her in the johnny-jump up for an hr, then put her in the walker (no diaper check, and it was a stinky one) he got pissed cause she was fussy, and interrupting his phone time. (yes he is attached to his phone too) I guess my biggest thing, was when my younger daughter was visiting, and the baby had a 103 temp, & my odd was trying to get off work, and all their dad would do is go in the babies room, put her pacifier in her mouth lay her down and walk away, as the baby cried and cried. My ydd went in the babies room, picked her up, and rocked her and held her all night. (All she wanted was some comfort)

I guess, What I'm saying is, if you can't talk with him and get him  to step up and parent, it will be all on you. Is that what you want for your child?

 



Amiehart62
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:43 PM
It's not uncommon for a baby this age to not hold any appeal to their fathers. Once your son is mobile and not just a "blob"(to dad) he will most likely be a more active parent to him. Men are wired differently and although I haven't experienced what you are going through I know it's not uncommon. Your DH doesn't have anything "in common" with a 7 month old other than half his DNA at this point. Hang in there I am pretty confident that this will change for you!

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 He is 7 months old. Still very much a tiny guy


Quoting Amiehart62:

How old is your son?

 

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JRSMOM0621
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:59 PM
No to the tubes being tied. Did my research and would rather not. As far as everything else its partly the no help and the stress of our fights about him not helping

Quoting chrtymcdnl:

I might be speaking differently if my husband wasnt so great with our family but thats not the case on the other hand....

If you have a husband that works 70+ hours a week (like mine) then no I certainly do not expect him to come home and sweep the floors. I take care of our home and children. Every family runs differently though. I think it should be equal pull. And if her husband is bringing in the income and cleaning and cooking... then yeah I think she shouldnt expect too much more.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Do you really believe that men shouldn't be expected to help out around the home?  Are you living in the 50's?



Quoting chrtymcdnl:

you still plan to get your tubes tide because he doesnt help with the son? Even though he brings in the income, cooks, does dishes & laundry? LOL

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 Yeah I should be counting my blessings. My husband cooks, does dishes and laundry. Soo...I must be crazy complaining.


Quoting chrtymcdnl:


If every woman left there husband because they didnt help with the children... there would be a lot of single moms. 


The most a woman should expect from their husband is to bring home a good income to support the family. Anything else such as cooking, cleaning or tending to the kids should certainly be thought of as a bonus.


Luckily my husband does cook & help tend to our daughter. I know how lucky I am. 


 


 






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JRSMOM0621
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Awe thanks :)

Quoting Amiehart62:

It's not uncommon for a baby this age to not hold any appeal to their fathers. Once your son is mobile and not just a "blob"(to dad) he will most likely be a more active parent to him. Men are wired differently and although I haven't experienced what you are going through I know it's not uncommon. Your DH doesn't have anything "in common" with a 7 month old other than half his DNA at this point. Hang in there I am pretty confident that this will change for you!



Quoting JRSMOM0621:

 He is 7 months old. Still very much a tiny guy



Quoting Amiehart62:

How old is your son?


 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:13 PM

I am sorry, I haven't read any of the replies. But, if he is a good man as you say... Is there a reason why he isn't active in the baby's life? Most men don't have the instincts that we tend to have as mothers. I wouldn't get my tubes tied just yet. You never know, he may change and suprise you. Not all men are comfortable around babies. I think I would do my best to have a calm, peaceful, heart to heart. If you don't think you can keep your emotions in check, try writing a letter and asking him to respond the same way. It is how we do it in our household. It is the perfect way to take time to say what you need to express in a positive way, and you get everything out at once without interruption.

Goodluck momma.

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