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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Once an emotional cheater, always a cheater?

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Hi,

My name is Kat and i'm new to this group. I have been married for 13 yrs to a wonderful trustworthy man, and we have two amazing boys ages 10 and 5. That was until December 6th of last year. My mom had just left that morning after a 3 week visit, my husband left for work, took my kids to school when my best friend calls me and asks me to come over. Once over there, she sits me down and starts crying and tells me that she found some email exchanges between my husband and her daughter-in-law (who is 20 and has a 1 year old son and lives with her since her husband is in the navy)

The meails lasted 2 weeks, my husband pretty much tells her how beautiful and amazing she is, how wonderful it would be to kiss her, at one point she asks if he would regret cheating on me and he says "no i don't think i would" he tells her he's had a "crush" on her for the last 3 months etc...etc...etc...

The good news is, nothing sexual or even kissing happened between them, there was no texting on cell phones (i was shown the proof of that) and no meeting...But basically he was having an emotional affair or crush with someone else.

Since then, my life was torn apart. He owned up to it immediately, of course begged for forgiveness, and a second chance, asked if we could go to marriage counseling together. Eventually I agreed, i figured after 13 yrs and 2 kids, i owed it to us to try and save this. We've been doing mostly good, therapy has helped immensely, but then i'll have those days like today, where all i do is think about what he said to her, his words are imprinted in my memory, and it hurts all over again. 

My question is if any of you have gone through this before how long before the hurt, the pain and the words stop haunting you? How long before the trust is back? Does it ever come back? 

Those emails between them actually opened up a can of worm and we found out a whole bunch of other email between that girl my husband was emailing and another man she was also emailing and actually having sexual explicit conversations with. She even mentions my husband in there and says how she's playing with him and finds him ugly and is just flirting with him to mess with him etc...So part of me feels relieved to know that my dumb ass husband technically felt to her prey. She was playing him all along, and he fell for it like an idiot, but of course i can't help but think about what if it happens again?

We have a good marriage, we have sex a lot, we don't fight...I have no idea how this happened right in front of my eyes but I never saw it...

Anyways, i'd love to hear from other people who've shared a similar story....

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Replies (21-21):
missinghim2013
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:49 AM

Yeah, I've been dealing with this for some time now with my "husband"...I have 2 teenage daughters who will be graduating in May and now he wants a divorce because according to him I have allowed my daughters to emotionally beat him down.  Well, let me see his Military Career has taken him away many times and let's not forget him getting his degree that he needed peace in the house to study from 5-2 really. All he wanted from me was to sit in the bedroom while he worked so he could have my presence only. I will say I didn't do that but hell I did everything else from cleaning, cooking 2 meals nightly 1 for him that I would bring to him and 1 for me and the girls.  I also cleaned the house and laundry all this after working from 8-430 everyday. Oh, let's not forget my daughters are athletes so twice a week I had a sporting event to attend to and picking them up from school. I am just alittle pissed because I've tried to be everything to all of them and now 5 years later he wants to call it quits. Really, I say you have hade numerous emotional/physical affairs with women and it's all my fault.  Still can't grasp this darn man's mind....Strangely he wants to leave me now for a 22 year with 2 children under the ripe age of 2..

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