Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Marriage might end

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:40 AM
  • 17 Replies

Sorry for this being so long but I need help!

I have to say that I truly love my husband and will do anything for him. I fell in love with within days of meeting him. I got pregnant with in 5 months of dating. I shed so many tears through my pregnancy because he was going through some issues with his ex who was pregnant but they both decided to terminate the pregnancy. Still till this day I am blamed for not giving him a say about whether to keep our unborn child or not. At first he was excited. He thought that this was his chance to make things right and not repeat the same mistake. But after some time things took a turn for the worse. Questioning me if he was the father, saying I was trying to trap him and more hurtful things. We got through those issues and made our relationship work. Recently he made it clear to me that he wasn't ready to be married and he wanted to get a divorce. And throws "I want a divorce" in my face when he gets really upset. I have been feeling more disconnected from him even more. There are a lot of things that I am wrongly accused of. He spends a lot of time on the computer or on his head phones. Completely shutting me and his daughters out. He tells me a few weeks ago that he tried to make contact with his ex on Facebook. She ignored him but he admitted that he wanted her to respond. Talk about a slap in the face! And now we are back at the silent treatment. For some petty crap. He left an hour and a half early for work. He wouldn't look at me let alone eat dinner I made. I'm feeling like this could be the end. Usually I would be crying right now but can't bring myself to do it. If I was working I'm sure I would try to look for another place. I'm tried of this! Is there someting I could do differently? Any advise is helpful.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:40 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:27 AM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:36 AM
Do you have family or friends that will let you stay? My husband and I moved very fast ourselves, but without any exes involved. It's not easy since we are still getting to know each other, even though we know a whole lot about each other. I don't have the problem your facing though. I can tell you this, don't leave yourself in this situation especially being pregnant. Maybe someday he will come to his senses.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I would see if their was anyone I can stay with. He is probably feeling a litte resentful however, he should not take it out on you. I would find some where to stay and find a way to take care of myself and my child. I feel that he will come to his senses in time. I don't ever advise couples to throw around the divorce word because that is putting to much negative energy out into the atmosphere.

He needs sometime to pull his thoughts together in the mean time I would suggest that you get into yourself and the baby. The storm will soon pass over he just needs time to get over himself.

by Casey on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this

You stepped into a bad situation and moved too quickly. You're trying to make a diamond out of a pile full of shit. It doesn't work. He clearly wasn't over the ex, and had issues about it when you married. Were you both pregnant at the same time and she got an abortion? He was sleeping with you both at or around the same time frame? There is so much wrong here I can't even begin. You want this to work so badly that you are a little blinded I think. He says he wants a divorce, he says he wants to contact his ex, he's telling you the truth. You need to accept that at face value. It's time to get real. 

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Save yourself the heartbreak and leave...its obviously what he wants
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:56 AM
There are so many red flags here. I would def being looking for someone to stay with or whatever. He clearly isn't over his ex and openly admitted that to you as we'll. You yourself need to come to terms with this. It sounds like he checked out of the relationship long ago without even giving it a try.

Stay strong, I'm sure you deserve so much better
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:39 AM
You deserve better i do agree with other ladies there are red flags here ill be praying for you i know its scary with GOD'S hrlp you and your unborn child can and will move on
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:14 AM
I am the biggest advocate to push threw and do everything to make marriage work.

However I agree with the other ladies. You both moved too quick and I believe it is time to move on without him.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:39 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't know about your relationship but the little you did provide speaks volumes to me. You asked so here goes:

Trying to save your marriage is going to be hard work. Probably the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. But as you stated, you have children. It makes me vey sad to see folks behaving like their actions don't effect anyone else in the world besides themselves. Marriage is a two way street also. You both have to work at it. Now sadly, for many folks (the most common) recommendation would be to leave him. But I would disagree with that. 

At some point you loved each other enough to commit. You two made vows to each other (and I am assuming maybe even before God as well.) You brought at least one child into this world together. He is not hitting or abusing you, nor you him. That would be a deal breaker. You can repair this marriage and heal. You can even build a stronger marriage than you may have ever hoped for to this point. These things CAN be done.

Now for the hard part. You need to seek help. Whether or not he will go with you is not the point. You need solid support and guidance. You are seeking advise and my BEST advise would be, get involved in a strong bonds type of learning group and get a marriage counselor. One that believes in the art of marriage. Teach yourself the way to build a strong solid marriage. It does not come naturally, nor does most of society promote it. Do your best to get him to follow suite. 

Lastly, but most importantly, PRAY! You are going to need all the prayer you can get. Pray for yourself, your husband, your children and for strength and guidance. Ask friends and family to pray for you, your husband and your marriage. You and your choices and actions today may be the difference between being just another statistic or the testimonial of how you saved your marriage and built the best life you could have ever dreamed of.

Many prayers to you my dear. You have some tough choices to make. I am rooting for you and your family! HUGS!! <3

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:47 PM

 Hopefully he stops reproducing. He's obviously unfit as a parent. I'm not sure why you felt you could have a baby with a guy that had his ex get an abortion. How many red flags did you ignore in the name of "love"?

Sure you could fix your marriage but that would require both of you trying. Doesn't sound like he wants to. The best you can do is move on and do your absolute damnedest NOT TO EVER REPEAT THIS MISTAKE WITH ANOTHER MAN. I see too many mistakes getting repeated by desperate women.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)