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He doesn't realize that I need time ALONE too....its pissing me off

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:14 AM
  • 32 Replies

My bf lives with me and my kids, just all moved together the last month.  He works an opposite shift than me.  I snuck home at lunch for a quickie and he was sleeping.  He later said that he  "took a nap and should have woke him up."  Well that isnt happening when he is miserable when he wakes up.  I travel an hour home from work and get there about 6pm, and two of my kids are with me on the way home.   His days off are T, W and Sat.  So we only see each other for a few hours those days and the hour or so that he wakes me up in the nite when he gets home to talk.

So with the hour travel....NO ONE seems to realize that I need time ALONE as well as everyone else.  I always either have kids (teenagers) around or he is always wanting to talk.  So last night....I was frustrated from work, frustrated from no sex in a couple weeks, and I just wanted to be ALONE to wind down for a bit then I would have been back to my normal self.  He sents me messages "can you go to the store, i'll wait for you and we can go to the store, etc."  He doesn't realize that I need time ALONE.  He always thinks that I am just in a bad mood, etc.  He does cook dinner, but doesnt start it until AFTER I get home on his days off when he has been home all day.  Sometimes I just sit in the same room as him and read and don't want to be chatting, but he doesn't get it.  What to do?

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
grownsexy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:18 AM

You have to talk to him he can't read your mine. Tell you bf that you need at least 10 Min's to unwind and put everything in perspective when you first get home. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a warm bath carry in a glass of wine sip and wind down. Tell the children when your doors are closed don't knock unless its and emergency you are taking some me time. Talk to the family set a routine for yourself and stick to it.

You are the woman of the house you set the standards and eventually everyone will fall in line.

2lilmamas
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:21 AM
Men sometimes can read between the lines. Tell him straight up how you feel.
mhaney03
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:32 AM
I am like this, so I don't date. I was miserable being married in part because I had to share my space.
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1der1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:38 AM

I did tell him the night before when I sat downstairs to watch 15 minutes of news.  He came down and says "what's going on?"  I said "im just watching some news".  Him"oh you are in a bad mood."  Me:"  I just need a couple minutes to wind down.  Just because I don't feel like running and jumping when I walk in the door doesn't mean I am in a bad mood."  It's like damn.....I need a little time to clear my head before I face the second part of the day....the bf and family.  As I am sure that you know exactly what I am talking about.  Then when he keeps insisting that I am in a bad mood or am going to bed real early...I need som damn time alone with no one around me. 


Quoting grownsexy:

You have to talk to him he can't read your mine. Tell you bf that you need at least 10 Min's to unwind and put everything in perspective when you first get home. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a warm bath carry in a glass of wine sip and wind down. Tell the children when your doors are closed don't knock unless its and emergency you are taking some me time. Talk to the family set a routine for yourself and stick to it.

You are the woman of the house you set the standards and eventually everyone will fall in line.



1der1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:39 AM


I have...he doesnt get it.  We only see each other a few hours a week as it is, and i know he wants to chat and have adult time. 

Quoting 2lilmamas:

Men sometimes can read between the lines. Tell him straight up how you feel.



1der1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I dont mind living together.  We just don't talk much when we are together.  And I can't tell you the last time we did anything together as a couple. 


Quoting mhaney03:

I am like this, so I don't date. I was miserable being married in part because I had to share my space.



grownsexy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:03 AM

 I hear you because I felt the same way when I came home from work.


Quoting 1der1:

I did tell him the night before when I sat downstairs to watch 15 minutes of news.  He came down and says "what's going on?"  I said "im just watching some news".  Him"oh you are in a bad mood."  Me:"  I just need a couple minutes to wind down.  Just because I don't feel like running and jumping when I walk in the door doesn't mean I am in a bad mood."  It's like damn.....I need a little time to clear my head before I face the second part of the day....the bf and family.  As I am sure that you know exactly what I am talking about.  Then when he keeps insisting that I am in a bad mood or am going to bed real early...I need som damn time alone with no one around me. 

 

Quoting grownsexy:

You have to talk to him he can't read your mine. Tell you bf that you need at least 10 Min's to unwind and put everything in perspective when you first get home. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a warm bath carry in a glass of wine sip and wind down. Tell the children when your doors are closed don't knock unless its and emergency you are taking some me time. Talk to the family set a routine for yourself and stick to it.

You are the woman of the house you set the standards and eventually everyone will fall in line.

 

 


 

meangreen18
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:14 AM
I might not be working but I've explained to DH that I need some "me" time every now and then. He works two jobs 6-7 days a week so it's not like I'm asking for much, a trip to the bathroom alone would be a good start.
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1der1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:16 AM

And how do you handle it?


Quoting grownsexy:

 I hear you because I felt the same way when I came home from work.


Quoting 1der1:

I did tell him the night before when I sat downstairs to watch 15 minutes of news.  He came down and says "what's going on?"  I said "im just watching some news".  Him"oh you are in a bad mood."  Me:"  I just need a couple minutes to wind down.  Just because I don't feel like running and jumping when I walk in the door doesn't mean I am in a bad mood."  It's like damn.....I need a little time to clear my head before I face the second part of the day....the bf and family.  As I am sure that you know exactly what I am talking about.  Then when he keeps insisting that I am in a bad mood or am going to bed real early...I need som damn time alone with no one around me. 


Quoting grownsexy:

You have to talk to him he can't read your mine. Tell you bf that you need at least 10 Min's to unwind and put everything in perspective when you first get home. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a warm bath carry in a glass of wine sip and wind down. Tell the children when your doors are closed don't knock unless its and emergency you are taking some me time. Talk to the family set a routine for yourself and stick to it.

You are the woman of the house you set the standards and eventually everyone will fall in line.







1der1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:17 AM


All I want is the first half hour when I get home to be me.....it's like he doesnt get it at all.  Very frustrating. 

Quoting meangreen18:

I might not be working but I've explained to DH that I need some "me" time every now and then. He works two jobs 6-7 days a week so it's not like I'm asking for much, a trip to the bathroom alone would be a good start.



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