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tired of holding my tongue.. i need to vent about DH

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:04 PM
  • 14 Replies
I love my DH. He's an amazing father.. but i feel so neglected. i never, Ever have spoken illy of him to anyone.. but i have to vent......



when we first started dating he was so amazing. kind, never got upset with me, brought a plate to me when it was dinnertime.. he'd make me feel loved, valued, and like i was the love of his life... now, not even 2yrs later, im criticized on a daily basis, yelled or bitched at for eating too much.. he complains when i ask for a footrub or ask him to scratch my back..

im 7mo pregnant with our second.. he doesnt touch me unless he wants sex.. the only time he says "i love you" anymore is after i tell him how unloved i feel or after i wake him up angry and says something that hurts so bad i cry and fall into such a depression over it that i cant do anything but lie on the couch or in bed.. his apologies for yelling at me or saying something cruel are more loving than he is on a daily basis..



ive been in a bad relationship before where i was verbally, emotionally and physically abused l. he knows this.. yet he refuses to see he's slowly becoming my ex...



he's never hit me or laid a hand on me, but the signs are obvious that im getting scared when he sits close to me and raises his voice, i flinch badly...



all i wanna do is cry.. makes me feel like im the one turning him into a man i cant recognize...
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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
C.Fleury
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Few suggestions for you.

Sit down with DH and have a real heart to heart talk. Let him know exactly how you are feeling. Use words like this is how I "feel" when you do this, I "think" we should work on this.

Also, if it doesn't get anywhere possibly start with counseling, if he won't go, go for yourself. Sounds like you've had a pretty rough past and you can always work on you.

If its this bad, maybe you just need to take a step back and go stay with a family member to clear your head and get everything in perspective.

Good luck hun
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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:15 PM

I agree with this!  You really need to have a heart to heart with him.  Good luck sweetie!

Quoting C.Fleury:

Few suggestions for you.

Sit down with DH and have a real heart to heart talk. Let him know exactly how you are feeling. Use words like this is how I "feel" when you do this, I "think" we should work on this.

Also, if it doesn't get anywhere possibly start with counseling, if he won't go, go for yourself. Sounds like you've had a pretty rough past and you can always work on you.

If its this bad, maybe you just need to take a step back and go stay with a family member to clear your head and get everything in perspective.

Good luck hun


Monica_0812
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:23 PM
Communication is the key. Never keep your feelings bottle up it's not good for you.

You definetly need to have a talk with him and let him know exactly how you feel and how you want him to be when you first got together.
Guys are not always the smartes when it comes to understand us girls. They need direct talk
Pregnancy will make you more irritable and sensible so he needs to know this as well. Remember is not good for baby since he/she can feel what you feel.
Good luck and always remember to love you more than anything. (:
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nbgg8687
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:25 PM

I was in an abusive relationship for five years... it wasnt physical, it was emotional and verbal. It killed me... its been almost three years since I left him and im havent recovered. It makes the relationship I have now very hard. I didnt leave my ex for myself, but for my kids and i knew I wasnt in love anymore. I didnt want my two children raised believing that this is how a relationship works. We went to a pastor who told us it would be fine, it was because he wasnt working and men get touchy with that kind of stuff, There is no excuse, if a mans being an ass... i wont take it now, not even one bit. Wich makes it hard because people have their bad days haha. Definitly take a few steps back, maybe go to a family members for a few days and think about everything. Have you been hurt so bad that you just know you cant forgive him, is he willing to go to anger managemant to help with his tounge, and can you identify the issues in the relationships. WIth my ex our entire relationship was base off lies... he would tell me how sexy I was and a the night of our wedding i was crying from something he said. He needs help, maybe one on one counciling for himself to figure out where the root of al the anger is then couples counciling because sometimes men just dont get it. I hope things work out and you two can come to an understanding. I know how hard it is. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:06 AM

 That's awful : (

It's time to sit down for a heart to heart.

greenbrown27
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:26 AM

That sucks, all I can tell you is keep strong for your little one, its your second pregnancy and you should know what to expect from him, if he is not meeting your expectations, maybe write him a letter and tell him what you expect of  him as your husband, and what you need from him  to fulfill your daily cup of needs. As you two grow older those needs change and he needs to know.  If its hard to talk with him maybe this will work , do it in a loving way, pack it in his lunch bag, or after a great home cooked meal.Good luck and do whatever it takes to make you , your first priority , especially in this special time.

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:18 AM

maybe join the confessions group so you can at least put it anonymously.

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:24 AM

you ever wonder though if maybe you are more emotional due to the added hormones of the pregnancy and that you never really got over the trauma of your first abusive relationship that you are transferring that to him?

My hubby and I realized that we both spoke different love languages in that he needs to hear the words I love you to feel loved whereas he can say it a million times and I could care less but that I needed him to help more around the house or do as I asked rather than putting it off for later.  So he was telling me he loved me but that didnt work for me and I was shoing him I loved him by doing things, which didnt work for him.  What I also noticed is that how we were raised also affected which type of love language we preferred.  His parents were very smothering with the talk of love whereas my Mom would do things to show her love.  It will be difficult to get him to tell you which is his love language, so you may have to decipher his on your own based on its description.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:50 AM

You sound pretty depressed honey, and being pregnant can make it worse. You both need counseling, if he won't go you should go anyway, these things only get worse over time so you need to try to either fix it or leave him. He may just have a very critical nature, I don't know. Is there a big difference in your ages?

Reality_check
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 7:38 AM
i am very depressed.. :(
im 24, he is 38. so 14yr difference.


Quoting Lindalou907:

You sound pretty depressed honey, and being pregnant can make it worse. You both need counseling, if he won't go you should go anyway, these things only get worse over time so you need to try to either fix it or leave him. He may just have a very critical nature, I don't know. Is there a big difference in your ages?


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