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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

*Update* My anxiety is tgrough the roof and Im sure Im headed for a mental breakdown. *Warning: Adult language*

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I just feel like an emotional wreck right now. So I sent this message to hubby via fb...

Hey babe. I had a question and I want you to know Im not trying to start an argument or anything. But why is it a problem that I want to go out with Kristy and Sam tonight? The times I've brought it up you get a nasty attitude about it. You got the weekend away last weekend and have played hockey a lot while I've stayed home with the kids. I think it's only fair that I get to go have fun with the girls like you get to with the guys. I need a break terribly bad. Im starting to feel like Im headed for a mental breakdown.
Like I said Im not saying this because Im wanting to fight or anything, just wondering...
I love you. Just think about maybe letting me go out with the girls sometime. I need it.

He calls me just a bit ago and says, "So I saw your shit on Facebook. You act like Im such a shitty husband. You go ahead and go out! That's fine. Not sure how you're going to afford it but go ahead!". Then he hung up. What am I doing wrong?? My friend asked me to come to her house for a girls night. It wouldn't cost anything. Why does he get so mad when I try to tell him how I feel. Now our day and night is ruined because I opened my big mouth.




I need a break so fucking bad. I have not had a break from my children since a week ago and it was for three hours. Im envious of hubby because since he plays hockey he is gone 4-5 evenings a week, leaving the house around 7 and not coming home till around 11:39pm. He was gone all weekend last weekend for a tourney. I begged my fil to watch the kids for a few hours last Friday. I've been invited to go out with some girlfriends tonight and everytime I bring it up, hubby gets a nasty attitude about it. Then last night while he was playing hockey I had a HORRIBLE night with the kids. I txtd him and told him I was going out tonight. He txtd me back later saying, "okay??". Then when he gets home he says that he has plans for us and he will talk to his dad about watching the kids. I guess there is something called broom hockey for couples tonight. That's cool. I love spending time with him but doesn't he understand that just like he has his time with the guys I need time with my girls. I had so much fun last Friday. I need some friends really bad. My life consists of spending almost every waking moment woth my kids and hubby. I love my family life but Im starting to lose my mind slowly but surely. And it doesn't seem like anyone understands. I feel like going in my room and crying my eyes out right now. My kids are constantly fighting and tattling on each other.
Sorry this is so long but I need to vent. Im so unhappy at this moment.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Replies (71-80):
Alwayscheerful
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM
I'm in the same boat with you, but patience is the password, soon the kids will grow up then we will all have the time to do the things we want!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
furbabymum
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM

 Then he wins. The best revenge is to live well. He can only make you unhappy if you let him. Go out and bitch about him to your girlfriends. I would!

Quoting SuperMom2433:

Im in my room bawling my eyes out. Im seriously mentally worn out. I've had my fill. He called back again and apologized just to continually bitch me out for the message I sent him. Im over this fighting shit. His dad is watching the kids. Im not going out. I can't handle this shit anymore. I feel stupid for ever mentioning anything.


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

At least he is chilling out a little but still he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.



Have fun tonight you deserve a break.



Tomorrow though be extra touchy and Flirty. When he gives you that funny look of what has gotten into you. Say Hun you have no idea how good it felt just to get out for few hours. Now I'm recharged and relaxed.



This should help him realize you need girl time every now and then too.




Quoting SuperMom2433:

He ended up calling me back and told me that his dad is watching the kids tonight and I should be ready to go out because he doesn't want to see me. Meaning he wants me to go out and have fun. But hes still being a butt.






Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I would just be ready to go when he gets off work. When he walls in the door say how was your day babe? I'm on my way over to so and so's. I will be home at such and such a time. I have my phone love you and walk out.







You need a break and he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.








Quoting SuperMom2433:

Could really use someone to talk to right now.




 

SuperMom2433
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:51 PM
I honestly do not feel like going out now. Plus, I feel that since we really do have a sitter we should take advantage. Ill go out with my girls when we don't have a sitter.


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Screw him! Go out you need the mental break. Don't let him dictate your entire life like this.



Truthfully what do you have to feel bad about? Absolutely nothing! Everyone needs time for themselves including a Stay-at-home-wife/mother dispite popular belief.



Trust me go out and don't think about how big of an ass he is being. He is just continuing to behave this way to keep you from going out. You will feel 100% better so you can be the mom you always strive to be.








Quoting SuperMom2433:

Im in my room bawling my eyes out. Im seriously mentally worn out. I've had my fill. He called back again and apologized just to continually bitch me out for the message I sent him. Im over this fighting shit. His dad is watching the kids. Im not going out. I can't handle this shit anymore. I feel stupid for ever mentioning anything.






Quoting CrazyLife1996:

At least he is chilling out a little but still he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.







Have fun tonight you deserve a break.







Tomorrow though be extra touchy and Flirty. When he gives you that funny look of what has gotten into you. Say Hun you have no idea how good it felt just to get out for few hours. Now I'm recharged and relaxed.







This should help him realize you need girl time every now and then too.








Quoting SuperMom2433:

He ended up calling me back and told me that his dad is watching the kids tonight and I should be ready to go out because he doesn't want to see me. Meaning he wants me to go out and have fun. But hes still being a butt.










Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I would just be ready to go when he gets off work. When he walls in the door say how was your day babe? I'm on my way over to so and so's. I will be home at such and such a time. I have my phone love you and walk out.











You need a break and he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.












Quoting SuperMom2433:

Could really use someone to talk to right now.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jenC1978
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Just go.  You shouldn't have to explain yourself as to why you want to go out with your friends.  This is normal. 

furbabymum
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 A weekend away = food, gas and lodging expenses.

An addiction to playing hockey = a monthly/per time usage free for the use of the ice ring

If you rents his skates/gear that is even more money. If he buys it than there is money.

I don't know a lot about hockey but I know there is usually copious amounts of drinking involved in sports.

Now you know why you are broke.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

We are broke at the moment. He didn't threaten to cut me off financially. He was stating something that I was already aware of.


Quoting furbabymum:

 oh jees I think I'm too much of an alpha female to be reading this. You express your needs, he threatens to cut you off financially and you blame yourself?????????????????????


Woman, You married an asshole bully and you are his doormat.


 

SuperMom2433
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM
Yeah, that's for a different post though .


Quoting furbabymum:

 A weekend away = food, gas and lodging expenses.


An addiction to playing hockey = a monthly/per time usage free for the use of the ice ring


If you rents his skates/gear that is even more money. If he buys it than there is money.


I don't know a lot about hockey but I know there is usually copious amounts of drinking involved in sports.


Now you know why you are broke.


Quoting SuperMom2433:

We are broke at the moment. He didn't threaten to cut me off financially. He was stating something that I was already aware of.



Quoting furbabymum:


 oh jees I think I'm too much of an alpha female to be reading this. You express your needs, he threatens to cut you off financially and you blame yourself?????????????????????



Woman, You married an asshole bully and you are his doormat.



 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
boshs1andonly
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:02 PM
2 moms liked this

So basically you're giving him what he wants, taking the blame for what happened (for standing up for yourself) and not going out like you planned. And you wonder why he keeps treating you like this? It's because he's found that it's effective in manipulating you. And  he will keep doing it as long as it works. Is there an easy solution where he all of a sudden becomes handson and  understanding over night? No probably not. But it's not likely to happen when you keep rewarding his bad behavior either. 

Quoting SuperMom2433:

I honestly do not feel like going out now. Plus, I feel that since we really do have a sitter we should take advantage. Ill go out with my girls when we don't have a sitter.


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Screw him! Go out you need the mental break. Don't let him dictate your entire life like this.



Truthfully what do you have to feel bad about? Absolutely nothing! Everyone needs time for themselves including a Stay-at-home-wife/mother dispite popular belief.



Trust me go out and don't think about how big of an ass he is being. He is just continuing to behave this way to keep you from going out. You will feel 100% better so you can be the mom you always strive to be.








Quoting SuperMom2433:

Im in my room bawling my eyes out. Im seriously mentally worn out. I've had my fill. He called back again and apologized just to continually bitch me out for the message I sent him. Im over this fighting shit. His dad is watching the kids. Im not going out. I can't handle this shit anymore. I feel stupid for ever mentioning anything.






Quoting CrazyLife1996:

At least he is chilling out a little but still he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.







Have fun tonight you deserve a break.







Tomorrow though be extra touchy and Flirty. When he gives you that funny look of what has gotten into you. Say Hun you have no idea how good it felt just to get out for few hours. Now I'm recharged and relaxed.







This should help him realize you need girl time every now and then too.








Quoting SuperMom2433:

He ended up calling me back and told me that his dad is watching the kids tonight and I should be ready to go out because he doesn't want to see me. Meaning he wants me to go out and have fun. But hes still being a butt.










Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I would just be ready to go when he gets off work. When he walls in the door say how was your day babe? I'm on my way over to so and so's. I will be home at such and such a time. I have my phone love you and walk out.











You need a break and he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.












Quoting SuperMom2433:

Could really use someone to talk to right now.







MrsRudd
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:05 PM
He sounds insecure and very unfair. It sounds like he likes to have plenty of time to himself but doesn't want you to have the same luxeries. I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Do you have any indoor play areas near by that you could take the kids and meet up with some friends? That way the kids can play and you can chat with friends. I would also suggest making plans and not giving him an option. He may be mad for a bit but he will learn that you are going to make time for yourself and that you don't need his permission.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TommyAbby
by Melissa on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:05 PM

wow.. yeah.. give up and just go out with him. That's the easy way out. Tell him he can go out with his buddies while you go out with the girls. That's TOTAL BS.


MrsRudd
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:08 PM
So he just happened to make plans for the two of you on a night he knew you wanted to go with friends? Also if you do have girl time is he still sending the kids to a sitter? How old are your kids?


Quoting boshs1andonly:

So basically you're giving him what he wants, taking the blame for what happened (for standing up for yourself) and not going out like you planned. And you wonder why he keeps treating you like this? It's because he's found that it's effective in manipulating you. And  he will keep doing it as long as it works. Is there an easy solution where he all of a sudden becomes handson and  understanding over night? No probably not. But it's not likely to happen when you keep rewarding his bad behavior either. 

Quoting SuperMom2433:

I honestly do not feel like going out now. Plus, I feel that since we really do have a sitter we should take advantage. Ill go out with my girls when we don't have a sitter.





Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Screw him! Go out you need the mental break. Don't let him dictate your entire life like this.





Truthfully what do you have to feel bad about? Absolutely nothing! Everyone needs time for themselves including a Stay-at-home-wife/mother dispite popular belief.





Trust me go out and don't think about how big of an ass he is being. He is just continuing to behave this way to keep you from going out. You will feel 100% better so you can be the mom you always strive to be.













Quoting SuperMom2433:

Im in my room bawling my eyes out. Im seriously mentally worn out. I've had my fill. He called back again and apologized just to continually bitch me out for the message I sent him. Im over this fighting shit. His dad is watching the kids. Im not going out. I can't handle this shit anymore. I feel stupid for ever mentioning anything.









Quoting CrazyLife1996:

At least he is chilling out a little but still he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.









Have fun tonight you deserve a break.









Tomorrow though be extra touchy and Flirty. When he gives you that funny look of what has gotten into you. Say Hun you have no idea how good it felt just to get out for few hours. Now I'm recharged and relaxed.









This should help him realize you need girl time every now and then too.











Quoting SuperMom2433:

He ended up calling me back and told me that his dad is watching the kids tonight and I should be ready to go out because he doesn't want to see me. Meaning he wants me to go out and have fun. But hes still being a butt.













Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I would just be ready to go when he gets off work. When he walls in the door say how was your day babe? I'm on my way over to so and so's. I will be home at such and such a time. I have my phone love you and walk out.













You need a break and he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child.















Quoting SuperMom2433:

Could really use someone to talk to right now.














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