Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

*Update* My anxiety is tgrough the roof and Im sure Im headed for a mental breakdown. *Warning: Adult language*

Posted by   + Show Post
I just feel like an emotional wreck right now. So I sent this message to hubby via fb...

Hey babe. I had a question and I want you to know Im not trying to start an argument or anything. But why is it a problem that I want to go out with Kristy and Sam tonight? The times I've brought it up you get a nasty attitude about it. You got the weekend away last weekend and have played hockey a lot while I've stayed home with the kids. I think it's only fair that I get to go have fun with the girls like you get to with the guys. I need a break terribly bad. Im starting to feel like Im headed for a mental breakdown.
Like I said Im not saying this because Im wanting to fight or anything, just wondering...
I love you. Just think about maybe letting me go out with the girls sometime. I need it.

He calls me just a bit ago and says, "So I saw your shit on Facebook. You act like Im such a shitty husband. You go ahead and go out! That's fine. Not sure how you're going to afford it but go ahead!". Then he hung up. What am I doing wrong?? My friend asked me to come to her house for a girls night. It wouldn't cost anything. Why does he get so mad when I try to tell him how I feel. Now our day and night is ruined because I opened my big mouth.




I need a break so fucking bad. I have not had a break from my children since a week ago and it was for three hours. Im envious of hubby because since he plays hockey he is gone 4-5 evenings a week, leaving the house around 7 and not coming home till around 11:39pm. He was gone all weekend last weekend for a tourney. I begged my fil to watch the kids for a few hours last Friday. I've been invited to go out with some girlfriends tonight and everytime I bring it up, hubby gets a nasty attitude about it. Then last night while he was playing hockey I had a HORRIBLE night with the kids. I txtd him and told him I was going out tonight. He txtd me back later saying, "okay??". Then when he gets home he says that he has plans for us and he will talk to his dad about watching the kids. I guess there is something called broom hockey for couples tonight. That's cool. I love spending time with him but doesn't he understand that just like he has his time with the guys I need time with my girls. I had so much fun last Friday. I need some friends really bad. My life consists of spending almost every waking moment woth my kids and hubby. I love my family life but Im starting to lose my mind slowly but surely. And it doesn't seem like anyone understands. I feel like going in my room and crying my eyes out right now. My kids are constantly fighting and tattling on each other.
Sorry this is so long but I need to vent. Im so unhappy at this moment.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Replies (91-100):
LoveMyLos
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

*sigh*

jett286
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this

You are his wife, not his nanny or his slave.  You are an individual.  Did he marry you to be his shadow and subordinate?  In order to havea happy marriage you have to be individuals while still being a couple.  That means doing things you like without eachother.  It's not a substitute nor does it mean you don't want to be with your husband.  If you lose yourself in your marriage you lose your marriage.  He needs to understand that.  He might not ever, and thats too bad.  As for fighting when you get home....it takes two to fight.  It's his issue, you have to allow  him to be upset by remaining calm and telling him...I'm going to fight over your issues.  I went out with my gf, sorry YOU feel like I don't want to be iwth you.  That's not true, and I hope you understand...and dont' get upset.  It's difficult  not to respond in anger or be defensive but it's the best way....and if he won't do counselling YOU should.

SuperMom2433
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:54 PM
No. I actually ended up having a horrible headache. He kept telling me to take some ibuproen and go out but I just didn't feel so hot.


Quoting TommyAbby:

So did you ever go out??? 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:28 PM
2 moms liked this

He gets mad because he's CONTROLLING sweetheart.  I've been watching this for awhile now in a lot of your posts and he's very selfish and controlling.  He's the "perfect husband" as long as he's getting his way, but the second you have an opinion he throws a temper tantrum.

If you're going to stay with him, then you need to stand up for yourself and start throwing your own temper tantrums.  Don't ASK his permission.  TELL him, "I'm going out tonight, if you plan on doing the same then YOU need to find a sitter.  Tonight is my night.  K thanks."  And go on about your business..  

(hugs)

gonecrazi
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:35 PM

 (((HUGS))) sorry you are having a hard time..

wishbearmom
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Stand up for yourself now sweetie. I kept it bottled up for 25 years, kept thinking, hoping, praying things would get better. They got worse. The more I gave up, the more he took advantage. I finally ended our marriage (I'd tried a year before, but he locked me in the bathroom for 3 hours and threatened me because he didn't want to be humiliated in front of his family and the church, but NOTHING changed!!) He testified in court during our divorce proceedings that OH-EM-GEE he had to pour cereal for our youngest daughter and prompt her to put on the clothes I'd laid out the night before because I was so selfish as to go to a local pool to swim laps at 6 am and I wasn't always home when she woke up. Screw the fact that I did lay out her clothes, make her lunch, drive her to school (as I did for our older 2 kids!!) The judge rolled his eyes at that (and every other selfish claim he made). I didn't even want our divorce to go to court, but he wasn't willing to compromise on anything, insisted on taking it to trial. He lost on everything and even had to pay all attorney fees. I don't wish my life on anyone; I pray you can stand up for yourself, help your spouse see that giving you mental health time is not only beneficial to you, but to your ability to be a better wife and mom.

lazyd
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:58 PM

I dont know WHY you feel bad for "opening your big mouth".  You dont even NEED a reason to go out.  Just GO!  I cant believe you are letting your hubby walk all over you like that!  (And the situation with the money - its usually cuz my husband has spent it all on his nights out that there is no left over spending money for me).  So go over to your friends house and let them provide the alcohol and food for a night and tell your husband to SHOVE IT!  I would be drinking a lot that night and not even come home.  Im sorry, but i would be tellin my hubby to bite my ass!  Stop making him make you feel so bad and treating you like shit!

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 It's hard for me to say for sure, but I think I'd just go. He "gave his permission" and you can prove it didn't cost a cent. Go have fun!

BaronSamedi
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:22 PM

  Tell him you are going to have a career and he can pay for an au pair.  Then go and do it.   That will change the dynamics.

KyrinM
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:43 PM

He is being abusive, he is cutting you off from your friends & making you feel guilty for wanting to see them.  This is not right, just because you are a wife & mother doesn't mean you are on house arrest & only allowed to go out in public if he is with you.  He may not even realize he is doing that, but he is.  As for being a shitty husband, well if the shoe fits.  He is being very selfish, he gets his time away from home to play, but you aren't entitled to?  Bullshit.  Quit being apologetic & submissive about it, it isn't up to him, you aren't asking for permission & you shouldn't have to.  Tell him, hey the girls invited me out for the evening, so I made dinner for you & the kids, & I will be home by whatever time!  Love you, bye!  Quit letting him control you, you are a grown adult, you don't need permission.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)