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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Does he trust you 100%? (S/O from my last post)

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM
  • 24 Replies
Hubby just sent me a txt that says...
"I love you too. I don't want to lose you or have you cheat on me. Odd dream last night."
My reply...
"You should know me better than that."
I replied with that because that's how I feel. We have known each other for 10 years, been together for 9.5 years and married almost 8 years. Its not like we have only been together it married for a short time. Makes me sad because I trust him and know in my heart he would never cheat on me. With his feelings of mistrust comes a problem. I can't have a social life outside my family. That's basically what Im getting from all of this. That if I do get a social life going Im going to have a husband at home worried that I won't come home. And the worst part? I've never given him any reason not to trust me. Im a faithful wife and worthy of his trust. I hate this!
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by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rosekit
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:46 PM

Sounds like you guys have some pretty serious issues, if you feel that you can't have a social life, and he mistrusts you that much. I'd suggest sitting down and talking to him about this, and trying to figure out why he doesn't trust you. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, married almost 3, and yes, he trusts me 100%, just as I trust him. 

SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:48 PM
Yeah, we def need to sit down. It just keeps getting worse and worse, this mistrust issue. I've talked to him so much.


Quoting rosekit:

Sounds like you guys have some pretty serious issues, if you feel that you can't have a social life, and he mistrusts you that much. I'd suggest sitting down and talking to him about this, and trying to figure out why he doesn't trust you. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, married almost 3, and yes, he trusts me 100%, just as I trust him. 


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JTnJT
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:50 PM

I would ask him for the details of his dream....more often than not the things that we see in our dreams....aren't as clear cut as they may on the outside seem.   Have him start keeping a "dream journal"...this will help him to decipher the meanings behind his dreams.   Was he abandoned as a child in some way?  Has he had a lot of failed relationships?  Is there stress going on in his job, that is above the normal level of stress his job induces? 

Even though he may have had a dream that you cheated on him....surely he knows that doesn't make it a reality....however if these dreams are recurring....than it is likely his subconcience is trying to get him to pay attention to something he has shoved onto the back burner....

Help him find the meanings behind his dreams, and he may just realize....his issue isn't in thinking you may or may not do this or that....but rather something that is deep seeded and has been swept under the rug for far too long.  This is just my opinion though.   Good luck mama!!

OliviaW.
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:52 PM

My DH & I have been married for almost 5 years and we dated for years before we decided to get married. My DH trusts me 150%. He knows that I would never do that. 

I know that you guys have talked about this but maybe it's time to try some counselling. Even just talking to a neutral 3rd party might help. 

SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:54 PM
When he first started having these dreams I went online and got a lo of info on dreams and the meanings behind them. Not sure if he ever read the info. He had a rough childhood of abandonment and other things that Im sure is cause for his mistrust. He does not believe in therapy so that's out of the question.


Quoting JTnJT:

I would ask him for the details of his dream....more often than not the things that we see in our dreams....aren't as clear cut as they may on the outside seem.   Have him start keeping a "dream journal"...this will help him to decipher the meanings behind his dreams.   Was he abandoned as a child in some way?  Has he had a lot of failed relationships?  Is there stress going on in his job, that is above the normal level of stress his job induces? 


Even though he may have had a dream that you cheated on him....surely he knows that doesn't make it a reality....however if these dreams are recurring....than it is likely his subconcience is trying to get him to pay attention to something he has shoved onto the back burner....


Help him find the meanings behind his dreams, and he may just realize....his issue isn't in thinking you may or may not do this or that....but rather something that is deep seeded and has been swept under the rug for far too long.  This is just my opinion though.   Good luck mama!!


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momto3infl
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:56 PM

 He said odd dream last night-it happens.  Hubby has these dreams every so often-he text or says this to me, and then we laugh later on.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:08 PM
2 moms liked this
So he's super insecure and taking it out on you. This is an easy diagnosis. He doesn't want you around your girl friends because he's jealous and scared that if you talk to them about your marriage they will turn you against him. He's insecure and jealous so he tries to guilt you into staying home to feed his ego. He knows his faults as a husband, but he's terrified that someone else will point them out to you. You'll never get him to counseling for that reason.

This is a situation that will never get better. I've been waiting for 12 years for a situation like this to get better. I just started saying screw it, and quit letting him make me feel guilty. I stopped letting him win.
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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:19 PM
I dont handle drama well at all and it doesn't help that Im seriously pmsing. I break down and end up over the top emotional. Its ridiculous. I can't seem to stop myself wither. Anyhow, I've talked to him so many times about this. It happens the same every time. Then he brought up the three hours that I was out while he was gone for the weekend. I hate to do the tit for tat but Im starting to feel like Im missing out on life, in a way. Im always home, always with the kids.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

So he's super insecure and taking it out on you. This is an easy diagnosis. He doesn't want you around your girl friends because he's jealous and scared that if you talk to them about your marriage they will turn you against him. He's insecure and jealous so he tries to guilt you into staying home to feed his ego. He knows his faults as a husband, but he's terrified that someone else will point them out to you. You'll never get him to counseling for that reason.



This is a situation that will never get better. I've been waiting for 12 years for a situation like this to get better. I just started saying screw it, and quit letting him make me feel guilty. I stopped letting him win.

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jett286
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Wondering if he has been faithful to you.  Sometime people project onto others what they did.  Not saying he did, but I do think people worry about their spouse/so doing what they did.....  and then make everyone miserable.  Too bad he doesn't beleive in counselling.  Especially with abandonment issues it can be very helpful and isn't a sign of weakness, I think it's a sign of strength that someone realizes they need to do somehting and a counsellor is a great help.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:41 PM

yep


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