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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do i just not turn him on anymore or could he have a problem?

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 Soemtimes when me and dh are having  sex he'll all of a sudden go soft and we will stop, of course its upsetting to me cause i feel like he just isnt truned on by me anymore. and then other times we will start fooling around to have sex and he wont even get hard at all and which is very frustrating. like last night he was the one who wanted to have sex and started things up but he never got hard so we just quit, he said i'll just get u in the morning,  wth!!! he hasnt always had this problem it probably started happeinging more in the past few months. i cant talk about it with him cause he just gets mad if i do. i just dont know what to do with it.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Replies (11-20):
vinalex0581
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:29 AM

when my SO has a problem he is the type that doesn't like to talk about it because he feels that he is the man and it's his job to be able to fix every single problem that he has.

so maybe your DH is pissed because he can't figure out the problem himself and you asking him about it is only making it worse?

my SO is like that. and then when he finally comes up with a solution, THEN he will tell me.

men are weird like that. they like to solve problems on their own.

but honestly, i wouldn't jump to conclusions and think right away that he's having an affair.

even if it is a medical condition, just let it go. he's a big boy, if he thinks it's a medical condition then he'll go see a doctor.


Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

nyomilooney
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:29 AM

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 

vinalex0581
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

then ask him (prepare yourself for the worse) if he wants to end things with you so he can be with her.

if the answer is no then he needs to cut all ties with her and you two need to seek out marriage counseling.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

vinalex0581
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:36 AM

i wouldn't initiate any type of sexual relationship with him until he knows what he wants.

i know you don't want to hear it and i'm not a professional so either take my advice or leave it.

and i could be totally wrong.  all i can tell you is what i would do if i was in this situation with my SO and i would do exactly what i suggested you to do.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

vinalex0581
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:38 AM

i'm really sorry that this is happening to you. i hope that this is nothing more than just a simple flirtatious gesture.

i wish you alot of luck.

*hugs*


Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

nyomilooney
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:47 AM

 he cant just cut ties with her, they have 2 kids together. he swears upand down he doesnt wanna be with her, she was constantly cheating on him when they were together. and we are already in marriage counseling for many reasons, i have a hard time getting over his past with his ex, he always took her back no matter what she did to him

Quoting vinalex0581:

then ask him (prepare yourself for the worse) if he wants to end things with you so he can be with her.

if the answer is no then he needs to cut all ties with her and you two need to seek out marriage counseling.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


 

nyomilooney
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:48 AM

 and thanks for your advice!!

Quoting nyomilooney:

 he cant just cut ties with her, they have 2 kids together. he swears upand down he doesnt wanna be with her, she was constantly cheating on him when they were together. and we are already in marriage counseling for many reasons, i have a hard time getting over his past with his ex, he always took her back no matter what she did to him

Quoting vinalex0581:

then ask him (prepare yourself for the worse) if he wants to end things with you so he can be with her.

if the answer is no then he needs to cut all ties with her and you two need to seek out marriage counseling.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


 

 

emarin77
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:52 AM

I suggest he go to the doctor, it might be a medical reason.

hollydaze1974
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this
It's NOT ways us ! we like think it is, because we women can be quite self absorbed . ( you know it's true!)

Sounds like a stress, anxiety, or medical issue. Don't talk to him directly about it . When was his last full physical? High cholesterol is a major cause of this. As is a heart issue.

I'd just tell him it's time for a full physical, that you want him healthy and a physical is never a bad idea

Has he come home from work overly stressed? Boss on his back? Coworker being hateful or hostile?

Is there something new going on that he may have him overwrought of anxious?

This is NOT you! Don't you dare let him make you think it is!

Here's where I get honest. He isn't to leave you hanging. You are to be taken care of even if he can't. Last nite , the response you should have gone with was , I'm sorry baby, but you have me really excited and I could really use a good release. I need you to finish...,pretty please? With sugar on top?" All in a seductive way....
His inabity to get it up is all him, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. There is something going on mentally or physically with him. If he chooses to be a baby and not discuss it with you, then he is "to perform his husbandly duties" in other ways. Just sayin... He'd expect it from you, right?

Get him to the dr. High cholesterol is a big culprit to ED. A change in diet can change things alot. No, age doesn't matter.
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carramber54
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:53 AM

Well maybe he's tired because my husband is the same way except he will tell me he isn't in the mood and I'll be fine with that. But my husband always gets hard for me. Maybe there is something wrong with him genetically. He probably should see a doctor about it. I don't think its you honey. From your picture your a beautiful lady.

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