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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do i just not turn him on anymore or could he have a problem?

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 Soemtimes when me and dh are having  sex he'll all of a sudden go soft and we will stop, of course its upsetting to me cause i feel like he just isnt truned on by me anymore. and then other times we will start fooling around to have sex and he wont even get hard at all and which is very frustrating. like last night he was the one who wanted to have sex and started things up but he never got hard so we just quit, he said i'll just get u in the morning,  wth!!! he hasnt always had this problem it probably started happeinging more in the past few months. i cant talk about it with him cause he just gets mad if i do. i just dont know what to do with it.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Replies (21-30):
vinalex0581
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:54 AM

then if you two are all ready in counseling, then maybe this is something worth mentioning the next session you have with your therapist.

my SO feels insecure once in a while too.

i share a 7 year old with my ex but my situation is totally different because my ex and i refuse to speak to one another unless it's via e-mail or text.

and I allow my SO to read our texts and e-mails because I refuse to keep anything from my SO.

so maybe in your next therapy session make a suggestion of your DH only communicating with her via e-mail or text, maybe that will help you on how you feel about this situation.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 and thanks for your advice!!

Quoting nyomilooney:

 he cant just cut ties with her, they have 2 kids together. he swears upand down he doesnt wanna be with her, she was constantly cheating on him when they were together. and we are already in marriage counseling for many reasons, i have a hard time getting over his past with his ex, he always took her back no matter what she did to him

Quoting vinalex0581:

then ask him (prepare yourself for the worse) if he wants to end things with you so he can be with her.

if the answer is no then he needs to cut all ties with her and you two need to seek out marriage counseling.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 yes he has, i caught him talking to his ex behind my back awhile ago. and we just recently found out shes not with her boyfriend anymore and its happend more since he found that out. he continued having a sexual relationship with her after they divorced so this is the longest hes gone without having sex with her so i worry about that a lot

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.

Quoting nyomilooney:

 i try to ask him why and he just gets really irritated with me, especially if i ask him if its me. he will start yelling at me and everything. and then of course thoughts go in my head like if hes getting it from somewhere else or something

Quoting vinalex0581:

could be stress.

girl, your married to him, if you can't talk to HIM about this problem, who can you talk to about it?

my point is, he might get upset because he might feel embarrassed but communication is important in a relationship, not just marriage, and you can't just ignore the problem because it will only get worse.

GL!!

 


 


 

 


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

nyomilooney
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:56 AM

 thanks!!

Quoting carramber54:

Well maybe he's tired because my husband is the same way except he will tell me he isn't in the mood and I'll be fine with that. But my husband always gets hard for me. Maybe there is something wrong with him genetically. He probably should see a doctor about it. I don't think its you honey. From your picture your a beautiful lady.

 

nanasue31204
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this
My dh had the same problem, turned out he was addicted to porn. It got so bad we almost divorced but he decided to get help and quit porn and masturbation. It took several months to retrain his brain to not need the porn images to get aroused but now we're doing really well. Porn will never be in our lives again and mastutbation only happens if I'm involved some how, like if he's away for work we talk on the phone. Sounds extreme but its his idea because masturbating triggers him to want to look at porn and he doesn't want to go back to that life and ruin our marriage again. Very rarely are sex issues actually about the partner, it's not that you aren't attractive or sexy enough, its almost always about the person and what they are dealing with. Good luck and hope you find out what's wrong soon because feeling rejected is awful.
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sfank
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:15 PM

This is exactly what I was thinking. Too much masturbating to porn can really mess up your sex life. If he uses porn on a regular basis it could be why he's having trouble. That or it certainly could be a medical issue. It can be really hard for men to talk about because an inability to perform can make them feel very emasculated.


Quoting nanasue31204:

My dh had the same problem, turned out he was addicted to porn. It got so bad we almost divorced but he decided to get help and quit porn and masturbation. It took several months to retrain his brain to not need the porn images to get aroused but now we're doing really well. Porn will never be in our lives again and mastutbation only happens if I'm involved some how, like if he's away for work we talk on the phone. Sounds extreme but its his idea because masturbating triggers him to want to look at porn and he doesn't want to go back to that life and ruin our marriage again. Very rarely are sex issues actually about the partner, it's not that you aren't attractive or sexy enough, its almost always about the person and what they are dealing with. Good luck and hope you find out what's wrong soon because feeling rejected is awful.



CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:29 PM

is he under stress?  if he thought it wasn't you he wouldn't want to have sex w/you in the first place.....

CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:32 PM


This and especially the part where you mentioned about being rejected - it is the most awful feeling in the world!!! 

Quoting nanasue31204:

My dh had the same problem, turned out he was addicted to porn. It got so bad we almost divorced but he decided to get help and quit porn and masturbation. It took several months to retrain his brain to not need the porn images to get aroused but now we're doing really well. Porn will never be in our lives again and mastutbation only happens if I'm involved some how, like if he's away for work we talk on the phone. Sounds extreme but its his idea because masturbating triggers him to want to look at porn and he doesn't want to go back to that life and ruin our marriage again. Very rarely are sex issues actually about the partner, it's not that you aren't attractive or sexy enough, its almost always about the person and what they are dealing with. Good luck and hope you find out what's wrong soon because feeling rejected is awful.



rosekit
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:54 PM

The anger is probably embarrassment. I doubt it's you, if he gets hard, then goes soft. Have him talk to his doctor. Erectile dysfunction is a very treatable problem. 

Hapsand123
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:57 PM

I know that its hard. Sometimes when my husband gets mad when I want to talk about something serious I (and this might sound not like a married couple but...) write a letter to him. Let him know how you feel, dont sound mad or mean. I mean you are talking about his manhood ya know. So its a sensitive subject. I let him know that I am just wondering whats going on because this has never happened before and if he isnt turned on anymore to please let know so that we can work on the problem together. If its him and maybe his testoterone (sp?) levels are low or something, Im not sure how all that works, but maybe something is up. Leave it in a place he will see it, dont hand it to him. Ask him later if he read it and maybe if he wants to talk about it. If not, let him know that you are there for him and that you want a great marriage. He might talk, he might not and he might start thinking about it himself. 

I hope this helps you. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:30 PM

 It could be stress, medication, depression or something else going on with him.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:56 PM

 Your husband is the only one that can answer your question

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