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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do i just not turn him on anymore or could he have a problem?

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 Soemtimes when me and dh are having  sex he'll all of a sudden go soft and we will stop, of course its upsetting to me cause i feel like he just isnt truned on by me anymore. and then other times we will start fooling around to have sex and he wont even get hard at all and which is very frustrating. like last night he was the one who wanted to have sex and started things up but he never got hard so we just quit, he said i'll just get u in the morning,  wth!!! he hasnt always had this problem it probably started happeinging more in the past few months. i cant talk about it with him cause he just gets mad if i do. i just dont know what to do with it.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Replies (31-40):
gonecrazi
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 He could be having a medical problem. He needs to talk to his doctor.

KyrinM
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Something is on his mind, whenever something is going on with my DH he has the same problem.  It isn't us, it is something going on in his head.  On top of that, when a man has problems with ED, they tend to worry over it the more they worry, the worse it gets.  So suggest you not focus on getting him erect & focus more on pleasing each other with no pressure.  Also tell him that you are worried about his health, since this is not normal, & that the two of you need to address this issue because it is also starting to affect your self esteem too.  Another possibility is that he is doing something behind your back he shouldn't.  Could be anything, from looking at porn, to cybersexing online to actual fooling around & guilt is messing him up.  His defensiveness could be either he is terrified something is wrong with him, or he knows he is doing wrong & is afraid you will find out.   One you can do something about for sure, have him see the doctor.  The other, you will just have to wait & see if he tells you or catch him.  I offer the doing wrong scenerio because when my DH was fooling around on me online, he was having problems with this issue too.

pampire
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Erectile dysfunction can be caused by medications or underlying medical conditions like low testosterone or diabetes (other stuff too, I'm sure.)  When things are calm and ok, try saying something like "Honey, I know that we're still hot for each other so I'm worried that the issue we've had may be a sign of a physical ailment.  Would you be willing to talk to your doctor and make sure that you'll be around a lot longer for me?"

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with this

Quoting vinalex0581:

let me ask you this:

the whole time you two have been together, has he ever giving you reason to think that he has been unfaithful?

maybe just ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about?

ask him if YOU should be worried and if your marriage is in jeopardy.

because honestly, if you continue to push and ask him questions he is going to take it as you nagging and harping on him and that's going to push him even farther away. 

maybe try to be patient and let nature take it's course.

and in about 1-2 weeks, if he hasn't said anything to you by then, then confront him about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesn't want to discuss it because he is embarrassed so then just give him his space.

if he feels that it's something to be concerned about he will let you know.



KyrinM
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Uh oh, on reading through the replies I see a big red flag.  His ex is single again & since then he is having issues?  That does not sound good at all, sounds like he still has issues regarding her.  You need to bring this up in counseling session, because the ED in combination with his EX being single again is not a good sign.  It sounds like he is still hung up on her.   I'm bothered by this, good luck.

BaronSamedi
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:28 PM

  This is possibly serious!  It could be physical.   I strongly suggest a sexual dysfunction physician.  Not getting blood to the penis is something to be looked at carefully by people who know about all the problems it could signify.

  It is not You most men would feel very frustrated and upset.  As it is happening with greater frenquency it is more upsetting.  It is usual for men to have this happen occasionally. 

BaronSamedi
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:34 PM

  Do not ask him why!  He does not know!  Asking why puts more stress on his to have an erection that lasts.  You may not have the actions he thinks indicates sexual interests.  He may be inexperienced and not realize there are many different ways of expressing interest.  One thing is to rule out any physical problem.   After that to comprehend this may be a team effort.  What does he mean when he says you did not seem interested?  That is one question he can answer but may not have the words to be specific. 

babygirl_1012
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:50 PM

Tell him to make an appointment with the doctor and if he wants you will go with him. Im sure he feels embarrassed but tell him nicely that it is an issue and you guys need to figure out what the issue is, because it isnt normal. I hope things work out!

nyomilooney
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 thats what im most worried about, is that hes thinking about  her and feels guilty about it. it just seems like a big coincidence, we were talking about her last night cause she  wasnt able to pick up there kids and then he loses interest in having sex. and like i said its not the first time either. makes me feel like im not as good as she was.

Quoting KyrinM:

Uh oh, on reading through the replies I see a big red flag.  His ex is single again & since then he is having issues?  That does not sound good at all, sounds like he still has issues regarding her.  You need to bring this up in counseling session, because the ED in combination with his EX being single again is not a good sign.  It sounds like he is still hung up on her.   I'm bothered by this, good luck.

 

cherylam
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:26 PM

it's not you, hon, it isn't.  There are so many things that could be going on with him... he should see a dr first, to rule out anything physical, then start talking about what else might be going on.... but it's not you.

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