Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need advice on post-baby sex life!

Posted by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:41 PM
  • 6 Replies

I am new to this site and I am desperately seeking advice!  I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship and a brand new boy with my current boyfriend.  Before becoming pregnant, my boyfriend and I had a wonderful sex life.  We were making love at least 4-5 times a week and I felt very satisfied.  Further, I had never really felt as secure with sex as I had with him.  Once I became pregnant however, everything seemed to change.  In all I think we had sex maybe 5 times during my pregnancy.  He said that he wasnt very attracted to a big belly.  I understand guys are visual creatures so I understand where this came from, though it was still hurtful. (I felt like he was the one who did this!  Also I have heard that some men actually become MORE attracted to their partners during pregnancy)  I though " Well I never had this problem with my older son's father"  I accepted this and moved on figuring everything would be fine after the birth.  Well fast forward 6 weeks later.  I have the green light from my gyno and I have been very excited to resume an active sex-life.  My birth was probably one of the easiest births on the planet.  I did not tear and pushed the kid out in around 7 minutes (please dont hate!  My first one was a lot harder!).  So anyways, a couple days ago (before I got on birth control) my boyfriend and I were laying in bed and I told him how excited I was to be able to have sex with him again.  He seemed not too enthused by the conversation and actually told me "Well I hope when I put it in it isnt like "is it in yet?"  Yes...he actually said this to me!  I just gave birth to his child for crap's sake!  I told him that it would not be like that.  He then had the nerve to ask if I have tested things out just to check.  I told him no but I have had a child before and although things were not exactly pre-baby tight, that it would be just fine.  I coult not beleive he would say something this insensitive.  I mean, ok, I get it...he is 39 and this is his first child, of course he wont know some things about having a baby, but come on!  From my perspective, why the hell would you ever say thing to the woman you love and who just had your child????  I mean thinking it is one thing but to say it?  REALLY?  My issue is that during the pregnancy the fact that he was not attracted to me really hit my confidence hard. (he says it is me being too sensitive).  Now, the fact that he is questioning my ability to [pleasure him at all is really hurting me.  I dont know what to do!  I dont even feel like having sex with him anymore.  Please help!

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:41 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:46 PM
He is being a insensitive asshole and stupid to boot.

I'm sorry. He seriously needs to grow up and not off the bullshit ..

BTW My second was out in 3 pushes.; )
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:49 PM

I had 3 pushes also!  See, I knew I wasnt just crazy.  I have had some friends tell me I need to just tell him how I feel but I know he will just tell me I am too sensitive. (like that has anything to do with it!)  I just dont feel sexy now.  How am I supposed to have a sex life with him if I am worried about if I am "too loose"?


by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:13 PM

Wow!How insensitive! 

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Maybe HE needs to talk to your gyno about post-birth sex.  

He really is being insensitive. You two need to talk this out.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:24 PM

 I hate to say this, but he's being really insensitive about this whole thing.  He should not have made the comment referring to the fact that you might be a little stretched out.  Like you said, you just had his baby.  My dh was 39 when we had our son (I had a dd from a previous relationship), his first baby, and he didn't act like that at all.  He loved me being pregnant and the bigger I got, the more he liked it.  His brother, on the other hand, turned into a jerk when his wife was pregnant.  He didn't like the look at all and, in fact, he was turned off by her after he watched her give birth.  Which I thought was pretty crappy.  She  felt the same way you are now.  You definitely need to tell him that his comments are hurtful and, frankly, I think he owes you a big huge apology.  I hope, for you, he snaps out of it and realizes how amazing this whole thing  really was, and is.  I feel bad for you.  Hugs and good luck.  Talk to him!  Tell him.

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 4:30 AM

He's being a total knuckle-dragging Neanderthal. I'm not sure how to fix this, if it can be. My husband was totally hot for me when I was pregnant all three times and thought I was sexy as hell. He was even turned on by my lactating boobs, and couldn't wait until I got the go ahead. That being said, when I didn't feel ready after just 6 weeks (I had stitches all 3 times), there was no pressure or complaints until I was ready. Sorry, hon. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)