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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Views on marriage???

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:11 AM
  • 16 Replies
Has anyone ever ha bad views towards marriage due to bad relationships that you have seen or been in?
I don't have any good views on love of marriage in my opinion. I don't see myself married or getting married. My child's father I care about him so much but I don't think I can actually say I love him yet. I have high hopes that things or my views on marriage will change.

Has anyone ever had bad views but they changed and is now married?
Just curious. I'm working on my issues and having my dd broadens my views and I am hoping for the best. So your stories will be good to hear. Give me more hope.
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by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
twinpicks
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:30 AM
5 moms liked this

Then its time you thought about leaving your childs father and finding someone whom maakes you feel loved and you learn to love him back.Poor man give him an opportunity to find someone whom loves him.

Amybelle
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:33 AM
2 moms liked this

Nope......My In-Laws 60 Happy Years, My Parents 53 Happy years, DH & I 28 Happy years & going strong!

redrose_12
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I should have explained better I do care for him I'm just afraid to give him my all. He has kids from a previous relationship that didn't work out and that also scares me. I can see myself with him in the far future but not married. I do care for him more then anyone before that is for sure.

Quoting twinpicks:

Then its time you thought about leaving your childs father and finding someone whom maakes you feel loved and you learn to love him back.Poor man give him an opportunity to find someone whom loves him.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
redrose_12
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:56 AM
Mostly everyone that I know has cheated and left their family that's also why marriage scares me. I know that in time I will be able to give this man my heart completely but its that marriage part that I have an issue with.

Quoting Amybelle:

Nope......My In-Laws 60 Happy Years, My Parents 53 Happy years, DH & I 28 Happy years & going strong!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Eshadowgirl
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:05 AM
1 mom liked this

 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.

However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.

His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.

So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 

redrose_12
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I can see myself with him years from now growing old but marriage is another thing. We do have problems like every other couple but I still see myself with him having a family. We started off as friends then started a relationship and had dd. I was single for a while before him because I had walls up and I was so used to being by myself he brought something to my life I have been letting walls down since I met him. But I'm my past all important men have left like my father my grandfather they l left for other women and I don't talk to either of them not because I don't want to. So marriage to me is not life long because divorce and cheating is what I see as a pattern. I don't see him doing this to me but hen again I didn't see my grandpa doing it to my grandma. I just thought I'd hear some stories like yours and know I'm not the only one that's afraid of marriage.

Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.


However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.


His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.


So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Eshadowgirl
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:18 AM

 You dont have to up and marry him tomorrow. Theres nothing written in stone stating this.  But you need to keep communication open.  You love him...and he loves you.  You have a child together...Its a good thing. :)

Have you looked into some counseling? Sometimes having someone to listen and not pass judgement....and give some advice isnt a bad thing.

Just take things 1 day at a time. Marriage is a scary deal, but it can also be the most awesome thign in the world. I love being a Mrs. and marrying my husband was the most complete feeling for me.

Relationships take trust, honesty, communication,fidelity and LOVE. If you have those....Then everything else falls into place :)

Quoting redrose_12:

I can see myself with him years from now growing old but marriage is another thing. We do have problems like every other couple but I still see myself with him having a family. We started off as friends then started a relationship and had dd. I was single for a while before him because I had walls up and I was so used to being by myself he brought something to my life I have been letting walls down since I met him. But I'm my past all important men have left like my father my grandfather they l left for other women and I don't talk to either of them not because I don't want to. So marriage to me is not life long because divorce and cheating is what I see as a pattern. I don't see him doing this to me but hen again I didn't see my grandpa doing it to my grandma. I just thought I'd hear some stories like yours and know I'm not the only one that's afraid of marriage.

Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.


However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.


His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.


So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 

 

redrose_12
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:23 AM
Yes I have thought about counseling but never actually looked into it. I have discussed my feeling about this towards him and he is aware. He wants to get married one day, and yes I have all these things and I can't see myself with no one but him even though he drives me crazy at times as I do him. But I think I should be looking into counseling to get all my feeling out and see how better I feel after letting all out in the open. Thank you for sharing your story and giving advise.

Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 You dont have to up and marry him tomorrow. Theres nothing written in stone stating this.  But you need to keep communication open.  You love him...and he loves you.  You have a child together...Its a good thing. :)


Have you looked into some counseling? Sometimes having someone to listen and not pass judgement....and give some advice isnt a bad thing.


Just take things 1 day at a time. Marriage is a scary deal, but it can also be the most awesome thign in the world. I love being a Mrs. and marrying my husband was the most complete feeling for me.


Relationships take trust, honesty, communication,fidelity and LOVE. If you have those....Then everything else falls into place :)


Quoting redrose_12:

I can see myself with him years from now growing old but marriage is another thing. We do have problems like every other couple but I still see myself with him having a family. We started off as friends then started a relationship and had dd. I was single for a while before him because I had walls up and I was so used to being by myself he brought something to my life I have been letting walls down since I met him. But I'm my past all important men have left like my father my grandfather they l left for other women and I don't talk to either of them not because I don't want to. So marriage to me is not life long because divorce and cheating is what I see as a pattern. I don't see him doing this to me but hen again I didn't see my grandpa doing it to my grandma. I just thought I'd hear some stories like yours and know I'm not the only one that's afraid of marriage.


Quoting Eshadowgirl:


 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.



However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.



His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.



So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 


 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Eshadowgirl
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:36 AM
1 mom liked this

 Your very welcome :) I hope things work out.

 

Quoting redrose_12:

Yes I have thought about counseling but never actually looked into it. I have discussed my feeling about this towards him and he is aware. He wants to get married one day, and yes I have all these things and I can't see myself with no one but him even though he drives me crazy at times as I do him. But I think I should be looking into counseling to get all my feeling out and see how better I feel after letting all out in the open. Thank you for sharing your story and giving advise.

Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 You dont have to up and marry him tomorrow. Theres nothing written in stone stating this.  But you need to keep communication open.  You love him...and he loves you.  You have a child together...Its a good thing. :)


Have you looked into some counseling? Sometimes having someone to listen and not pass judgement....and give some advice isnt a bad thing.


Just take things 1 day at a time. Marriage is a scary deal, but it can also be the most awesome thign in the world. I love being a Mrs. and marrying my husband was the most complete feeling for me.


Relationships take trust, honesty, communication,fidelity and LOVE. If you have those....Then everything else falls into place :)


Quoting redrose_12:

I can see myself with him years from now growing old but marriage is another thing. We do have problems like every other couple but I still see myself with him having a family. We started off as friends then started a relationship and had dd. I was single for a while before him because I had walls up and I was so used to being by myself he brought something to my life I have been letting walls down since I met him. But I'm my past all important men have left like my father my grandfather they l left for other women and I don't talk to either of them not because I don't want to. So marriage to me is not life long because divorce and cheating is what I see as a pattern. I don't see him doing this to me but hen again I didn't see my grandpa doing it to my grandma. I just thought I'd hear some stories like yours and know I'm not the only one that's afraid of marriage.


Quoting Eshadowgirl:


 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.



However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.



His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.



So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 


 

 

redrose_12
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:40 AM
Thank you.

Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 Your very welcome :) I hope things work out.


 


Quoting redrose_12:

Yes I have thought about counseling but never actually looked into it. I have discussed my feeling about this towards him and he is aware. He wants to get married one day, and yes I have all these things and I can't see myself with no one but him even though he drives me crazy at times as I do him. But I think I should be looking into counseling to get all my feeling out and see how better I feel after letting all out in the open. Thank you for sharing your story and giving advise.


Quoting Eshadowgirl:


 You dont have to up and marry him tomorrow. Theres nothing written in stone stating this.  But you need to keep communication open.  You love him...and he loves you.  You have a child together...Its a good thing. :)



Have you looked into some counseling? Sometimes having someone to listen and not pass judgement....and give some advice isnt a bad thing.



Just take things 1 day at a time. Marriage is a scary deal, but it can also be the most awesome thign in the world. I love being a Mrs. and marrying my husband was the most complete feeling for me.



Relationships take trust, honesty, communication,fidelity and LOVE. If you have those....Then everything else falls into place :)



Quoting redrose_12:

I can see myself with him years from now growing old but marriage is another thing. We do have problems like every other couple but I still see myself with him having a family. We started off as friends then started a relationship and had dd. I was single for a while before him because I had walls up and I was so used to being by myself he brought something to my life I have been letting walls down since I met him. But I'm my past all important men have left like my father my grandfather they l left for other women and I don't talk to either of them not because I don't want to. So marriage to me is not life long because divorce and cheating is what I see as a pattern. I don't see him doing this to me but hen again I didn't see my grandpa doing it to my grandma. I just thought I'd hear some stories like yours and know I'm not the only one that's afraid of marriage.



Quoting Eshadowgirl:



 I never thought Id find someone after my ex and I split(many years ago). I dated, but always kept up a wall. I saw my parents divorce after 20yrs,following a lot of abuse(my father to my mom). I saw my younger sister marry at 18 and divorce at 22.   Ive seen some disasterous marriages.




However, at 33 I found my Dh. We met and started as friends. Slowly over 5yrs he took the walls down, and i grew to trust him unlike no other.  Hes truly my best friend, partner and love of my life. We got married 6 months ago, and while we arent perfect...and have our quirks.  We love each other unconditionally....and I see us in it for the long haul.




His exwife left him 6yrs or so ago after 30yrs of marriage. She decided she was a lesbian, and found herself a girlfriend..... she then tried to ruin his life. He has 3 children(Now 24,18 and 17)....and they have their own lives. He got his 2nd chance at happiness with me and that in itself makes it worth everything.




So you need to decide what you want. If you truly love the man your with...Take that chance and jump for it. If you do not truly love him, let him go so HE can find that love.  Don't let other experiences shape your life....its too short. 



 


 

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