Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

HELP...DO i listen to my guts or take his word ...what would you do?

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:49 PM
  • 28 Replies

Hello  ladies  i have a dilemma  and

asking for some feed back ..when i was 8 years old  i had a Lil boyfriend  lived down the street  from me he was the first boy that ever tried to kiss me  he was 9 ...I moved away and didn't see that Lil boy again , until 18 years later  , and we ran into each other thru a mutual friend ...and couldn't believe how we had grown, well we exchanged numbers but we were both in some very unhealthy relationships at the time so it was a  Lil while before we would make contact again.But when we did  we fell in love   we came to find out that we had pretty much grown up together but never running across one another  knew all the same people and circles , small town (SPOKANE) well turns out we had both got caught up in some baa-ad behavior that would ultimately lead to his arrest,conviction .and sentence of ten years in the federal pen .and that left me to be a single mother of one beautiful Lil boy  out here in the cruel world by myself ...without much support from  family on his side NONE whatsoever , and on mine a Lil when things were crucial if at all ...so its been him and i against the world for the last eight years and we've been to hell and back.but i wouldn't change it for anything ...over the past eight years i have kept my son in contact with his dad ,(i promised him i would not take his son from him )because although he was not do-in right he still tried to be a good dad and kept me and his kids out of the mess he'd gotten into so over the past eight years(our son was eight months old when he was busted) they have developed a relationship  and him and i remained friends although i denied the fact that i was and always have been in love with him  and even more now than ever , this man is my twin flame well he was released this nov and decided he doesnt want to come back to spokane he has gotten a job and is still  under electronic bracelet  monitoring he hasnt seen his boys(he has a fourteen year old son from a previous as well )in eight years and i took them to seattle to see there dad and when i laid my eyes on him  i fell in love so hard  i cant explain it there are no words and it was mutual  well we live in different towns we are planning on moveing up there soon i hope and will  be married  it makes us both a lil nervous  not being able to have each other  he seems to be very controlling and   overbearing   well hes been behaving strangely      and my insides  say hes been seeing someone  his family hates me  unjustifiably    and  in the beginning we were so close now it feels like  hes pulled away    or  is preoccupied    with someone or something else   my intuition is stronge  and ive learned to trust my gut feelings     or maybe im just paranoid i dont know but hes staying with his sister who hates me  they wont let me and my son come there to visit him which is makeing my son hate his family even more and he hasnt had sex in  8 years  i told him he should sow his oats but he told me he wouldnt   i thought it would be selfish of me to expect him not to    but something inside me lately is telling me  hes not being 100% and  i know that i have  been and will continue to be     im about to move me and my child and everything i own someplace  we know noone  but the few  freaks he has to call family  i wanna know if anyone has any feedback  or should i hire a p.i to check it out first or WhAT    ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:25 AM
3 moms liked this

i dont see a question here and as long as he doesnt resume his criminal activity, maybe your love will conquer all.

raegan1221
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this
This...good luck!

Quoting MixedCooke:

i dont see a question here and as long as he doesnt resume his criminal activity, maybe your love will conquer all.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly I have never been in a situation like this so I am not sure what I would do.  And or course in the long run the chose is yours but if I were face with this situation then I wouldn't jump right back into a relationship with him.  I would need to see that he has changed his ways and I would just remain friends with him until I knew for sure he wasn't going to go back to his old ways. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

pitremom
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Best of luck 2 u guys! Jail will make you or break u! An hopefully after ten years he has come 2 appreciate the small things in life!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
printerr
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:50 AM
2 moms liked this

He was in the federal pen?  So his conviciton was a felony?  Just something to keep in mind....although he has a job now, he could struggle a lot with finding a new job if he ever loses this one.  People with felonies have a much more difficult time finding employment then others.  You need to consider if you are willing to face that risk (of course, even people with great histories can have difficulty finding work, so I know that is a risk with anyone, but it could be more so for someone with a felony).  I know I am one who tends to follow my heart a lot, but I do think it is important to think things through, also, and look at things wisely.  In the end, only you can decide what is right for you and your son.  Good luck making the right choice!

CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:30 AM

 O.o

I don't know what you are asking.... 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Just throwing this out there, because I live in Seattle, I don't know how you could possibly live decently in this city with kids on a convicted felon's hourly pay. It's too expensive, you're better off in Spokane or somewhere in the middle. 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:41 AM

 I couldn't do it. I listen to way too many prison phone calls. I hear way too many sob stories. I read way too much discovery in which fucked up things happen. I couldn't be with that man but my job puts me in an interesting position. Honestly, I've never understood the women who stood by these guys staunchly denying they'd done anything wrong. If they could hear what they said about them while they were in the pen it might change their minds. Bet you were putting money on his commissary account too. That's usually why they're nice to family on the phone, money. Behind their backs though........................

Anyway you don't say what he did. I've honestly known some fairly decent meth dealers. Some of them have really high moral codes which sounds funny. That's not the norm though. The norm is as I stated above, users of people and drugs.

I'd be VERY cautious with this guy. If he can keep himself clean then I'd consider it. If he broke his probation even once I'd not waste my life on him.

You sound like you have an unhealthy amount of emotional dependency on this guy. He's in the slammer 8 years and you see him once and fall madly in love?? Have you no common sense. You are pretty much guaranteed a world of pain unless you step back and take this cautiously.

SassyLaLa85
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:34 PM

Good Luck.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am sure you know what you want to do

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)