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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

HELP...DO i listen to my guts or take his word ...what would you do?

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Hello  ladies  i have a dilemma  and

asking for some feed back ..when i was 8 years old  i had a Lil boyfriend  lived down the street  from me he was the first boy that ever tried to kiss me  he was 9 ...I moved away and didn't see that Lil boy again , until 18 years later  , and we ran into each other thru a mutual friend ...and couldn't believe how we had grown, well we exchanged numbers but we were both in some very unhealthy relationships at the time so it was a  Lil while before we would make contact again.But when we did  we fell in love   we came to find out that we had pretty much grown up together but never running across one another  knew all the same people and circles , small town (SPOKANE) well turns out we had both got caught up in some baa-ad behavior that would ultimately lead to his arrest,conviction .and sentence of ten years in the federal pen .and that left me to be a single mother of one beautiful Lil boy  out here in the cruel world by myself ...without much support from  family on his side NONE whatsoever , and on mine a Lil when things were crucial if at all ...so its been him and i against the world for the last eight years and we've been to hell and back.but i wouldn't change it for anything ...over the past eight years i have kept my son in contact with his dad ,(i promised him i would not take his son from him )because although he was not do-in right he still tried to be a good dad and kept me and his kids out of the mess he'd gotten into so over the past eight years(our son was eight months old when he was busted) they have developed a relationship  and him and i remained friends although i denied the fact that i was and always have been in love with him  and even more now than ever , this man is my twin flame well he was released this nov and decided he doesnt want to come back to spokane he has gotten a job and is still  under electronic bracelet  monitoring he hasnt seen his boys(he has a fourteen year old son from a previous as well )in eight years and i took them to seattle to see there dad and when i laid my eyes on him  i fell in love so hard  i cant explain it there are no words and it was mutual  well we live in different towns we are planning on moveing up there soon i hope and will  be married  it makes us both a lil nervous  not being able to have each other  he seems to be very controlling and   overbearing   well hes been behaving strangely      and my insides  say hes been seeing someone  his family hates me  unjustifiably    and  in the beginning we were so close now it feels like  hes pulled away    or  is preoccupied    with someone or something else   my intuition is stronge  and ive learned to trust my gut feelings     or maybe im just paranoid i dont know but hes staying with his sister who hates me  they wont let me and my son come there to visit him which is makeing my son hate his family even more and he hasnt had sex in  8 years  i told him he should sow his oats but he told me he wouldnt   i thought it would be selfish of me to expect him not to    but something inside me lately is telling me  hes not being 100% and  i know that i have  been and will continue to be     im about to move me and my child and everything i own someplace  we know noone  but the few  freaks he has to call family  i wanna know if anyone has any feedback  or should i hire a p.i to check it out first or WhAT    ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:49 PM
Replies (21-28):
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:34 AM
1 mom liked this

There are red flags all over the place here, his weird family (you really want to marry into that?) Just back the truck up and take your time, don't be moving yet. If you can hire a PI do it.

vebsbaybe
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:34 AM

  i apologize  for not finishing the [post  but i have now and would still like some feedback

vebsbaybe
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:45 AM

thanks i think i might just do that or im leaning that way  i appreciate it...

amanda81919
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Id hire a pi, just to make sure you don't go up there, leave everything and move everything and your child, to nothing but heartbreak.
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vebsbaybe
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:25 AM
1 mom liked this

UPDATE, WELL  ive done some investigateing  and it turns out  that  this man realy loves me  and          weve worked thru our insecurities  and hes still doin what he should   and everything seems to be working out the way   weve planned it   ive been in a few bad relationships and ill admit that  i expected him to be  like the rest  but  .... hes not ... i have never loved someone so much  and it seems that  i  was turning nothing into something  and i almost ruined  what we have  and i would have regretted that for the rest of my life    my son loves his dad and his dad loves him and i and i feel more secure in that everyday   i dont feel he will give us up again     and we are a family  finally ,,,

lancet98
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 7:25 AM

Basically, what I get from your post is one very clear thing:

1.) You are the type of person who, if you feel really strongly attracted to a guy, you can be sure that he is someone who you should NOT BE WITH.  

You are showing an extremely strong tendency to 'latch on' - really quick, too.   That's not good.  

He is already getting distant and weird.   Sounds like he has already hooked up with someone else or someone elses.

He has a felony conviction - and you probably didn't say what it was for, because you realize if you told us, we would say HELLS NO.

My advice, and I hope you take it, is 'don't move somewhere to be with this guy'.

If after two years, he is still out of jail and still clean, and is no longer being distant and weird, I'd say MAYBE.  But a felony conviction for 'something' is really, really really, not something anyone with a half a brain would encourage you to ignore.

I get the impression 'love conquers all' is the LAST thing you need to hear right now.  If you feel 'love at first sight' with an ex con and want to move you and your kid somewhere to be with him, and he is already acting distant...you REALLY need someone to go upside your head and tell you something realistic.  And you having a kid and him having a felony, really are not two things that have any similarity to each other or create any common ground between you.

 "We dated when we were nine" is really not a valid reason to be with someone.   People can change a lot over that many years. 

vebsbaybe
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 1:47 PM
yep


Quoting vebsbaybe:

UPDATE, WELL  ive done some investigateing  and it turns out  that  this man realy loves me  and          weve worked thru our insecurities  and hes still doin what he should   and everything seems to be working out the way   weve planned it   ive been in a few bad relationships and ill admit that  i expected him to be  like the rest  but  .... hes not ... i have never loved someone so much  and it seems that  i  was turning nothing into something  and i almost ruined  what we have  and i would have regretted that for the rest of my life    my son loves his dad and his dad loves him and i and i feel more secure in that everyday   i dont feel he will give us up again     and we are a family  finally ,,,


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
vebsbaybe
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 1:57 PM
yep


Quoting vebsbaybe:

UPDATE, WELL  ive done some investigateing  and it turns out  that  this man realy loves me  and          weve worked thru our insecurities  and hes still doin what he should   and everything seems to be working out the way   weve planned it   ive been in a few bad relationships and ill admit that  i expected him to be  like the rest  but  .... hes not ... i have never loved someone so much  and it seems that  i  was turning nothing into something  and i almost ruined  what we have  and i would have regretted that for the rest of my life    my son loves his dad and his dad loves him and i and i feel more secure in that everyday   i dont feel he will give us up again     and we are a family  finally ,,,


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