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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How do i ever get through this pain

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:22 AM
  • 23 Replies

 Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my son was hit and killed by a car. My husband ,who i met when my son was 10, and my daughter acts like nothing has happened. My husband says he has already dealt with it. But i don't think my daughter has. She hasn't talked about her brother since the memorial on Jan.19th. Last week i bought a card for her telling her how sorry i was that she lost her brother and that if she needed to talk i will be there anytime or place. She got mad at me. She said she doesn't want to talk about it,she just wants to forget. She doesn't like that i have a memorial set up in the living room.Yet she asked me, "what's going to happen when I turn 18 and move out? How am i supposed to have Clayton with me?" I wish she would have said something when we had him cremated,because we could have gotten her some ashes too. She's always been a very shy withdrawn girl and this has made it worse. I don't want her to live a depressed life but i don't know what to do. (Counseling is torture to her. We've tried 5 times now. After her older brother hurt her in a horrible way. Dec.2012 ,after 6 months of counseling, her therapist said no more. That it was making things worse than better.So that's not an option.) I know she talks to her friends on warriors.com, so that helps her a little. But i really wish she would talk to me. She says the reason she won't talk to me about it is she doesn't want to see me cry.

I wonder when this pain will get better. I think about him in EVERYTHING i do. Things you would think you wouldn't think about him while doing,i do. Like cooking, eating, showering, going out in public, sleeping, waking up,when i see a boy from birth to 18 years old, etc.......... I know it's only been 3 weeks but i hate this pain. Not to mention i can't find a support group. I know that would help but there's nothing in Korea and the one's I've found on-line either aren't active or they cost. Please lord make this get better soon.

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:33 AM

I am sorry you are going through this.  Im still getting over a miscarriage from last May and I didnt even know that baby so I am sure this is a million times worse.  I hope they caught whoever did it!  Again I am so sorry you are going through this.  Everyone does grieve differently though so for some it is better not to talk about it in order to get through it.

cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:43 AM

((hugs)) I am so sorry your having to go through this hun.

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:44 AM
1 mom liked this

here isa group on Cafemom for grieving Mothers that may help you some:

http://www.cafemom.com/group/118490/?ct=search_group

Poohy1975
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:19 AM

 The guy that hit him was the one that called 911 .He had been at meetings all day ,it was late at night and my son was in all dark clothing. But the friend that was with him did have a flashlight. So it was considered a accident. At first i didn't blame the driver at all. But while i was in CA i went to the crash site. From what i remembered from living in Redbluff,close to Redding where he died, the road he died on was curvy.But not in the area he was hit. Their were no blind spots and him and his friendwas on the shoulder, which wasn't small. Now i don't know how to feel about the driver. I don't blame him for it and i know emotionally he's probably still having a rough time, but i just wonder why he didn't see them. Plus i wonder how my son was  even hit because he was on a bike riding in front of his friend who was walking behind him.

Quoting MixedCooke:

I am sorry you are going through this.  Im still getting over a miscarriage from last May and I didnt even know that baby so I am sure this is a million times worse.  I hope they caught whoever did it!  Again I am so sorry you are going through this.  Everyone does grieve differently though so for some it is better not to talk about it in order to get through it.

 

pitremom
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:41 AM
Prayers coming your way! Can't even imagine the pain you feel! Speechless don't know what to say! May god bless you an your family in your time of need!
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JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:47 AM

This has to be unimaginable pain. Are you religious? If so, can you connect spiritually where you're living right now? I think you're doing the best thing by talking about it and not suppressing your pain.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Maevelyn
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:26 PM

neither of them are over or have delt with it. they are dealing with it. 3 weeks isn't long at all I think you just need to remind her that you're there to talk to. I honestly understand why she doesn't want to talk to you though. She doesn't want to make you sad she wants space to be sad in (if that makes sense?) Talking to other people who are sad but arent' devastated might be good for her now. I'm sorry. 

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:44 PM

 ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

ShannaBee
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:51 PM
I am sorry for you and your family's loss.
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CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:54 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to fully understand the pain you are feeling. One moment at a time is all that you can do.

Your daughter is not ready to deal with this. Just remind her how much you love her and how much she means to you. When she's ready you will be there.

Something we did when my dad past was bought all the children and grandchildren necklaces that are hollow pendants. Each pendant has some of my dad's ashes in them.

Maybe something like this is what she needs.
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