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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How do i ever get through this pain

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 Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my son was hit and killed by a car. My husband ,who i met when my son was 10, and my daughter acts like nothing has happened. My husband says he has already dealt with it. But i don't think my daughter has. She hasn't talked about her brother since the memorial on Jan.19th. Last week i bought a card for her telling her how sorry i was that she lost her brother and that if she needed to talk i will be there anytime or place. She got mad at me. She said she doesn't want to talk about it,she just wants to forget. She doesn't like that i have a memorial set up in the living room.Yet she asked me, "what's going to happen when I turn 18 and move out? How am i supposed to have Clayton with me?" I wish she would have said something when we had him cremated,because we could have gotten her some ashes too. She's always been a very shy withdrawn girl and this has made it worse. I don't want her to live a depressed life but i don't know what to do. (Counseling is torture to her. We've tried 5 times now. After her older brother hurt her in a horrible way. Dec.2012 ,after 6 months of counseling, her therapist said no more. That it was making things worse than better.So that's not an option.) I know she talks to her friends on warriors.com, so that helps her a little. But i really wish she would talk to me. She says the reason she won't talk to me about it is she doesn't want to see me cry.

I wonder when this pain will get better. I think about him in EVERYTHING i do. Things you would think you wouldn't think about him while doing,i do. Like cooking, eating, showering, going out in public, sleeping, waking up,when i see a boy from birth to 18 years old, etc.......... I know it's only been 3 weeks but i hate this pain. Not to mention i can't find a support group. I know that would help but there's nothing in Korea and the one's I've found on-line either aren't active or they cost. Please lord make this get better soon.

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:22 AM
Replies (11-20):
24clark
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:59 PM

There are no words that I could say to help ease you or your families pain. This may be true for a long time to come. I have never lost a child and cannot imagine the amount of pain you must be feeling. However, I can say that I am SO VERY SORRY. 

Pray to God for your strength & peace. Try to hold onto the knowledge that He has sacrificed His own son so He can understand your pain. Allow you daughter to grieve in her own way. Give yourself permission to grieve, at all hours of everyday if need be. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. As MixedCooke says, everyone grieves differently, so just as you cannot be asked NOT to think or talk about your son, try not to expect others to grieve the same way you do.

May the memories of yesterday help carry you through all of your tomorrows. May God grant you the strength to get through each minute until you can get through each hour, then each day...

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore said this:

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this 'injury' is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

Just know that there will come a day, when you will be able to think about Clayton and smile again. All of my love, condolences and prayers go out to you. <3

xoxRachelxox
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:09 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.

boshs1andonly
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you right now. people grieve differently though, I know you are trying to help but maybe you should just give her some space. When she's ready she might talk to you about it, or find some other way of dealing with it. 

earthangel1967
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Yesterday at 1:35 AM
by YVONNE on Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:13 PM

 HUGGSSSS be gentle and patient with yourself and your loved ones too. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, each individual grieves in their own way. I personally believe Clayton is with each of you, ashes there or not and always will be.


YVONNE

midjet117
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:07 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You have to remember everyone handles loss differently. After my dad died I didnt really talk to anyone. I still dont talk about it much. I've acklowleged it and thats it. I guess its sort of a defense mechinisim I really can't say if things will get better or not. I guess you just kinda adjust. 

Nunyabusiness
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:32 PM

I am so sorry for your loss mama. I wishi had more for you :(

GELiz
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:50 PM

OH honey, I'm so sorry for you and the pain you have. It will likely take years for the pian to not be so sharp. You will never not have pain about it, though. Do you understand the greiving process and what to expect?

Also, everyone grieves differently, Do not worry about those who get over it quickly, nor should you judge them because of it.  You are the mamma. It will be harder on you, and I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through. I will pray for you. hugs,

nbgg8687
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:05 PM

Honey, its only been three weeks. It was your child, its not going to effect anyone else like its effected you. His sister is going to handle things differently then you and right now, its important to deal with your emotions and seek help yourself so that you can be of help to others. Dont expect too much, you are grieving. Your daughter may be hurting to see you hurting and knows that her talking to you may not make things better. 

biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:16 PM
*********Hugs********
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JennPearce
by Jenn! on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Hugs!
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