Married Couples Who Have Sex Less Than Once a Week Are in Trouble
Every couple is different.
It's something we are all told from the moment we start to consider
marriage and babies, and the reality is, it's true. Every couple IS
different. We have absolutely no way of knowing whether we are looking
at a happy couple or a miserable one from the outside. The truth is,
there are rarely any absolutes in life. But there might be in sex.
Married couples who have "sexless marriages" are, indeed, unhappier than those who have plenty of the between the sheets action. But just what constitutes a "sexless marriage"? I know for my husband, if we fall below once a week, he starts to get pissy.
It may sound bad, but it's true. There is a lot of door slamming and whining and "why aren't you paying attention to me?" But you know what? I'll take it. There are worse things that can happen.
Having known many couples over the years and having heard some of their intimate stories, I know that every couple has their magic number. Whether it's once a week or once a year, there is a bare minimum that is required to keep the magic alive.
Once you fall below that number, you start to feel less desirable, less attractive, and generally less. And that is NOT good for any marriage.
Having spoken off the record with a few friends on this subject, I am aware that once a week isn't the norm. But every couple has their "hmmm, why are we not being intimate?" moment. For me, I would start to get antsy around two weeks. I would start to feel neglected and like he didn't love me or find me attractive.
Once you reach that point, there is trouble. And if you go beyond that point? Look out. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances when people get sick or have a baby or travel for work, but in general, even in busy times, couples need to find their magic number and stick to it. If yours is one week like mine, you better find the time to get between the sheets even if it isn't what you want to do at that moment.
The person with the higher sex drive or who needs it more often is the one who wins in this case. Even if you don't feel like it, once you get started, it's usually true that sex is pretty fun.
So figure out your magic number and figure out your spouse's and then make your sex happen that often. Trust me. It will save your marriage.
How often do you and your spouse need to have sex?
Quoting KyrinM:I bet, we are TTC right now, so we will eventually find out about that too, but I imagine that time after baby is born will be tough.
Quoting Kaybean:
The longest we've ever gone was 2 weeks after my youngest was born because I had stitches. We waited 2 long weeks and went for it when I finally felt healed enough. Those 2 weeks sucked! LOL.
Quoting KyrinM:If we don't get to for more than 2 days, we start plotting. LOL! Seriously, I think the longest we have gone is 4 days, & we were miserable.
That would be nice, with my son, against my wishes, they gave me one, which I suspect is why I tore with my daughter, because the scar tissue from the first unwanted episiotomy wouldn't stretch. So at this point, I doubt I can avoid another one. It's okay, I can deal, won't be the first time. Though admittedly, with my ex, not getting sex for me was not a big deal, with my DH now that is a different story. Isn't it funny how with one person you hate sex & then with another you want it all the time? And here I had been told my sex drive was low, nope, just with the ex. LOL!
Quoting Kaybean:
Yes, lol. I suggest researching ways to avoid an Episiotomy. That's what kept us from sex for 2 weeks. Next time I have a baby, I will do everything in my power to avoid needing stitches. They say to wait 6 weeks and we did it at 2 weeks anyway. Perineal massage with oils I've read can lessen the need to be cut :)
Quoting KyrinM:I bet, we are TTC right now, so we will eventually find out about that too, but I imagine that time after baby is born will be tough.
Quoting Kaybean:
The longest we've ever gone was 2 weeks after my youngest was born because I had stitches. We waited 2 long weeks and went for it when I finally felt healed enough. Those 2 weeks sucked! LOL.
Quoting KyrinM:If we don't get to for more than 2 days, we start plotting. LOL! Seriously, I think the longest we have gone is 4 days, & we were miserable.
At least every other day... Once upon a time it was about twice a day we did it, I LOVED it lol.... Now really once or twice a week is it, and I go nuts in between... Maybe it's to much? Maybe I have a problem? But really, I don't care, Momma needs her lovin'!
I'm happy with 3 times a week. 1 time a week makes me feel unattractive.
not often. the past few months has been hard on us. we have an amazing sex life when it's there but lately it's been 1-2x a month. not normal for us.
Dh and my argument today made me so mad, and realized he is lazy
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- Cafe Steph
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:46 PM