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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Leave your spouse? Sickening?

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:34 PM
  • 76 Replies
22 moms liked this

Does anyone else get so sick of society's tolerance, actually of their encouragement, to leave one own spouse? Aside of abusive or dangerous behaviors, (common sense please folks) I really don't see leaving as a justifiable solution to "finding happiness." 

I find it disturbing that the most common response to anyone's complaint that their marriage has hit a rough spot is: You deserve better, dump him/her. 

What happened to self accountability? What happened to showing support with solid suggestions as to how to build a better marriage? Like most skills in life, these have to be learned, implimented and practiced.

Why are we so happy to encourage and excuse one from a life long committment they made to someone, themselves and commonly God? We are not so tolerant of folks that neglect their kids "because it is too hard today." How about "I just don't feel like it anymore." Or better yet, "I've changed my mind." Then why do we suggest that someone bail when the going gets tough in a marriage?

If you don't build the foundation, the building will crumble. Telling someone that the next "relationship" will be better because it will be with someone else, just doesn't make sense. 

Do most people really think that "finding" is the key and not "building?" 

UPDATE:

Please do not read too much into this post. I am not judging people who divorce. I am trying not to judge at all. What I am trying to do is find out how many people cherish the vows they took and suggest that we consider offering support and encouragement to married folks. As I have been guilty of suggesting to a freind that "she deserved better" I am not trying to put anyone down for doing so. Instead, I am trying to share my current opinion that there are other alternatives to these suggestions. Ultimately, to be married or not, is up to the couple themselves. I choose to offer words of encouragement and support. (Remember, not in all cases should a marriage be saved.) Just generally speaking. Many blessing to you all and hug your spouse. :-)




by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CJsMommy92
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:40 PM
4 moms liked this

Yeah, people are way to quick to leave their spouse or encourage others too. Relationships aren't always happy or exciting especially after years but for some reason people expect them to be and when they arent anymore they just move on

alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:42 PM
3 moms liked this

I tend to agree with you. I believe that marriage is something to be worked on and not given up on. Marriage should be fought for.

amylovesnick07
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. If we hit a rough spot I will do everything I can to fight for my marriage. My husband feels the same way. If we've tried everything we can to make it work then we'll go our separate ways.
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anotherandree
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:46 PM
5 moms liked this

I feel like a hypocrite agreeing with you because I left my first marriage without looking back.  I was miserable and it was a terrible match.  Today, I have a marriage worth fighting for and I believe that nothing is an "unforgivable offense."  However, my life stance has changed as well between that marriage and this (I have become a follower of Christ).

krystyneh
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I think divorce is only necessary in abusive situations and in situations where you've tried everything to fix the marriage. My husband has "text cheated" on me 3 times and we still work on it. He as an 11 year old plus our 5 year old together and another one on the way. He's an over the road truck driver and we've done couples counseling 2 times so far. Marriage isn't easy you have to work on any relationship.
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KyrinM
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I stuck it out in my first marriage for 21 years, by the end it had become very abusive & both of us were miserable & near hating the other.  We finally accepted that all our efforts to stay together were just making everyone unhappy, so we divorced. But we did try. 3 years later, we are both very happy, I remarried & he is dating a really nice gal & we are friends again.  But I agree, a lot of people just throw it all out the door the minute it gets tough, I am not for taking the easy way out, but I do acknowledge that you can only hit your head on a brick wall so much too.  I think it really depends on what the problems are & how hard they will be to overcome.  Sadly for a lot of folks, any kind of work or effort means they won't even try.

24clark
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:06 PM
3 moms liked this

If your views have changed due to any reason, growth, knowing Christ, I don't think it make you a hypocrite. I think in this case it makes you wiser. :-) 


Quoting anotherandree:

I feel like a hypocrite agreeing with you because I left my first marriage without looking back.  I was miserable and it was a terrible match.  Today, I have a marriage worth fighting for and I believe that nothing is an "unforgivable offense."  However, my life stance has changed as well between that marriage and this (I have become a follower of Christ).



24clark
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for your input. I am just so sick of the first thing out of someone's mouth is, "leave." I really needed to hear that there are still people out there that believe in the institute of marriage and that it doesn't just fall into your lap. Some people spend more time planning a vacation then how to continue to build, or heck, just plain and simple build the marriage to begin with. 


Quoting KyrinM:

I stuck it out in my first marriage for 21 years, by the end it had become very abusive & both of us were miserable & near hating the other.  We finally accepted that all our efforts to stay together were just making everyone unhappy, so we divorced. But we did try. 3 years later, we are both very happy, I remarried & he is dating a really nice gal & we are friends again.  But I agree, a lot of people just throw it all out the door the minute it gets tough, I am not for taking the easy way out, but I do acknowledge that you can only hit your head on a brick wall so much too.  I think it really depends on what the problems are & how hard they will be to overcome.  Sadly for a lot of folks, any kind of work or effort means they won't even try.



edelweiss23
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:16 PM
4 moms liked this
I only left my first marriage because he kept cheating and was starting to get physically abusive.
I realized I didn't want my daughters to think that the guy can cheat all he wants and still keep coming home. I fought tooth and nail to keep my marriage together and then one day, I realized he wasn't going to change, so I left.
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dallascowboys82
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I have to agree..me and my ex were not ment to be. I left without thinking twice..now i am married and we are perfect together. Finally i am happy and have something i love to hold on to.


Quoting anotherandree:

I feel like a hypocrite agreeing with you because I left my first marriage without looking back.  I was miserable and it was a terrible match.  Today, I have a marriage worth fighting for and I believe that nothing is an "unforgivable offense."  However, my life stance has changed as well between that marriage and this (I have become a follower of Christ).


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