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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Leave your spouse? Sickening?

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Does anyone else get so sick of society's tolerance, actually of their encouragement, to leave one own spouse? Aside of abusive or dangerous behaviors, (common sense please folks) I really don't see leaving as a justifiable solution to "finding happiness." 

I find it disturbing that the most common response to anyone's complaint that their marriage has hit a rough spot is: You deserve better, dump him/her. 

What happened to self accountability? What happened to showing support with solid suggestions as to how to build a better marriage? Like most skills in life, these have to be learned, implimented and practiced.

Why are we so happy to encourage and excuse one from a life long committment they made to someone, themselves and commonly God? We are not so tolerant of folks that neglect their kids "because it is too hard today." How about "I just don't feel like it anymore." Or better yet, "I've changed my mind." Then why do we suggest that someone bail when the going gets tough in a marriage?

If you don't build the foundation, the building will crumble. Telling someone that the next "relationship" will be better because it will be with someone else, just doesn't make sense. 

Do most people really think that "finding" is the key and not "building?" 

UPDATE:

Please do not read too much into this post. I am not judging people who divorce. I am trying not to judge at all. What I am trying to do is find out how many people cherish the vows they took and suggest that we consider offering support and encouragement to married folks. As I have been guilty of suggesting to a freind that "she deserved better" I am not trying to put anyone down for doing so. Instead, I am trying to share my current opinion that there are other alternatives to these suggestions. Ultimately, to be married or not, is up to the couple themselves. I choose to offer words of encouragement and support. (Remember, not in all cases should a marriage be saved.) Just generally speaking. Many blessing to you all and hug your spouse. :-)




by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Replies (11-20):
Nunyabusiness
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I will always fight for my marriage. We have had a couple rough patches but never once did I contemplate divorce. Murder maybe, but never divorce. J/k! ;)

ttc1rainbow
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with you 100%. Sadly I was one to fall into the crowd telling me to "Just leave" last year...We had been married just over a year and hit a rough spot and so many kept saying "leave", "You've done more for him & don't deserve his disrespect" etc, so I gave in and left and you know what, one of the worst mistakes of my life. I'm 27 years old, left my new marriage and really had no idea why, other than following the crowd and I'm embarrassed I did that! BUT, leaving also was the best thing for me because I was able to step back, alone, and objectively look at the situation and realize that I'm a huge believer in fighting for marriage and that I needed to be accountable in the issues because it wasn't all him! At all...we took vows, vows to which we both take very seriously. So, we started therapy as a couple and I OWNED my mistakes, as did he and I have to say, things have been amazing since I came back. 

We also made a deal that, never again will I threaten to leave because things are getting a little tough, because I don't want too! I was just scared and didn't know what to do and was afraid of failing as a wife. So, anyhow...Sorry I rambled! But yes, I do agree that people are too quick to give up in todays society. It's sad :( 

ttc1rainbow
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 May I also add that I feel some of the problem is also that too many young people (teens/very early twenties) are too quick to get married because they think it's a quick fix to a rocky relationship?? I know a couple of 19 yr olds that are in pain because their BF's will not "pop the question"...Telling me "I know we'll have a good life, if he'd just marry me!" Um.....NO! But, that's my opinion.. :)

24clark
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so happy to hear about your journey. Makes my heart warm. Bet of all, you both now have a deeper more rewarding relationship. Many prayers to you both in this challenging yet rewarding journey. 


Quoting ttc1rainbow:

I agree with you 100%. Sadly I was one to fall into the crowd telling me to "Just leave" last year...We had been married just over a year and hit a rough spot and so many kept saying "leave", "You've done more for him & don't deserve his disrespect" etc, so I gave in and left and you know what, one of the worst mistakes of my life. I'm 27 years old, left my new marriage and really had no idea why, other than following the crowd and I'm embarrassed I did that! BUT, leaving also was the best thing for me because I was able to step back, alone, and objectively look at the situation and realize that I'm a huge believer in fighting for marriage and that I needed to be accountable in the issues because it wasn't all him! At all...we took vows, vows to which we both take very seriously. So, we started therapy as a couple and I OWNED my mistakes, as did he and I have to say, things have been amazing since I came back. 

We also made a deal that, never again will I threaten to leave because things are getting a little tough, because I don't want too! I was just scared and didn't know what to do and was afraid of failing as a wife. So, anyhow...Sorry I rambled! But yes, I do agree that people are too quick to give up in todays society. It's sad :( 



bpryce
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:52 PM
Thank you for saying what i've been thinking for years! I do not understand when people started to view marriage as anything but permanent. I married my husband because i want him by my side until death. Of course there will be rough times at some point but we will work through them no matter what. It saddens me that people see marriage as disposable.
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ttc1rainbow
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Thank you very much!! I certainly don't regret leaving because of what we learned from my doing so, it just saddens me sometimes still that I was so quick to follow the crowd and listen to everyone else but ME!! We're so happy today, and continuing to build our foundation of frienship & love, and falling in love a little more with each other every day. It's amazing! <3 

Quoting 24clark:

I am so happy to hear about your journey. Makes my heart warm. Bet of all, you both now have a deeper more rewarding relationship. Many prayers to you both in this challenging yet rewarding journey. 

 

Quoting ttc1rainbow:

I agree with you 100%. Sadly I was one to fall into the crowd telling me to "Just leave" last year...We had been married just over a year and hit a rough spot and so many kept saying "leave", "You've done more for him & don't deserve his disrespect" etc, so I gave in and left and you know what, one of the worst mistakes of my life. I'm 27 years old, left my new marriage and really had no idea why, other than following the crowd and I'm embarrassed I did that! BUT, leaving also was the best thing for me because I was able to step back, alone, and objectively look at the situation and realize that I'm a huge believer in fighting for marriage and that I needed to be accountable in the issues because it wasn't all him! At all...we took vows, vows to which we both take very seriously. So, we started therapy as a couple and I OWNED my mistakes, as did he and I have to say, things have been amazing since I came back. 

We also made a deal that, never again will I threaten to leave because things are getting a little tough, because I don't want too! I was just scared and didn't know what to do and was afraid of failing as a wife. So, anyhow...Sorry I rambled! But yes, I do agree that people are too quick to give up in todays society. It's sad :( 

 

 

 

MrsShipley21
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 Wow! Words of the wisdom right here. I completely agree with you. I have been with my husband since I was 14 and let me tell you. . . we have been through it all. I am now 24 and we are not the same people we were back then. We have grown so much as to how to argue in a healthy way and learning each others personalities and adjusting to certain things that just won't change. However our requests of each other are reasonable. We are a team. It is not easy but I made a commitment to this man and I will fight till the end of my days for this marriage.

Jessica0930
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:07 PM

THANK YOU!!!!!!! I couldn't agree with you more! I was just complaining to my husband about this like an hour ago. Its terrible. It seems like we are in a something breaks live it generation. What happened to the when it breaks fix it generation? And now it lets me know that most of these people who say their vows are just saying them and not listening to what they are saying. They have made a promise for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, through sickness and in health. Till death do us part. They made a promise before Christ, witnesses and each other. It is so sad. It makes me mad. I am 21 years old been married to the most amazing man for 2 years and my husband and I still know better. If it gets hard and you cant handle it on your own, find help! First and foremost. Love is not a fairytale. It is a commitment. And obviously alot of people have no idea what a commitment is anymore.

MrsShipley21
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:08 PM

shake hand 

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:11 PM
I agree with you. So many think marriage is easy and then when it gets hard they run.

Being married is harder than being a parent. Hands down.
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