Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Leave your spouse? Sickening?

Posted by   + Show Post

Does anyone else get so sick of society's tolerance, actually of their encouragement, to leave one own spouse? Aside of abusive or dangerous behaviors, (common sense please folks) I really don't see leaving as a justifiable solution to "finding happiness." 

I find it disturbing that the most common response to anyone's complaint that their marriage has hit a rough spot is: You deserve better, dump him/her. 

What happened to self accountability? What happened to showing support with solid suggestions as to how to build a better marriage? Like most skills in life, these have to be learned, implimented and practiced.

Why are we so happy to encourage and excuse one from a life long committment they made to someone, themselves and commonly God? We are not so tolerant of folks that neglect their kids "because it is too hard today." How about "I just don't feel like it anymore." Or better yet, "I've changed my mind." Then why do we suggest that someone bail when the going gets tough in a marriage?

If you don't build the foundation, the building will crumble. Telling someone that the next "relationship" will be better because it will be with someone else, just doesn't make sense. 

Do most people really think that "finding" is the key and not "building?" 

UPDATE:

Please do not read too much into this post. I am not judging people who divorce. I am trying not to judge at all. What I am trying to do is find out how many people cherish the vows they took and suggest that we consider offering support and encouragement to married folks. As I have been guilty of suggesting to a freind that "she deserved better" I am not trying to put anyone down for doing so. Instead, I am trying to share my current opinion that there are other alternatives to these suggestions. Ultimately, to be married or not, is up to the couple themselves. I choose to offer words of encouragement and support. (Remember, not in all cases should a marriage be saved.) Just generally speaking. Many blessing to you all and hug your spouse. :-)




by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Replies (41-50):
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree, my husband and I hit a rough patch this summer. We worked through and still kind of are, we are stronger, better for what we have been through. I think too many people have the delusion that relationships are supposed to be all rainbows and lollipops.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:32 AM
2 moms liked this

 Some of these women should leave them. It takes 2 people to improve a marriage. I see no reason for a woman to stick with a man who has no intention of ever improving himself and his relationship with his wife and kids.

tiredmama42
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:34 AM
2 moms liked this

Being already divorced (due to abuse) I am always trying to encourage people to stay married.   Its really hard starting over and especially with kids its awful.   I tried to fix my marriage and was a statisic of abused women who return at least 7 times.  I dont recommend that but  I dont wish divorce on anyone. 

Anryan
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:52 AM
1 mom liked this

i agree, i think alot of people are part of that "throw away" society mentality.  "oh this isn't what i envisioned, lemme get a new one" and move on like it was a dress they didn't like. 

Marriage takes work, daily.  Hard work. compromise, communication, introspection, and respect....these things take time and effort and since people are always evolving you always have to work on your relationships....

LMFAO try being poly...THAT takes work lol

cherylam
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this

you hve an excellent point.  People are too quick to think of only want they want, not how it will affect anyone else.  Marriage is commitment for life, and leaving it because you're not happy, or change your mind just isn't right.  Abuse?  no question, and I've seen the results from both sides beating the hell out each other, sad but true.  Kids should never grow up thinking physically  hurting someone is the only way to deal with anger or frustration.

unsuspected
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this
*applause* I totally agree.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
CjEmmemommy
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree its very sad! I was just talking to Hubby about that the other day. He said I am glad we are both so stubborn, referring to that fact that many could or would have left bc we have had hard times.

 I looked and said I dont think its bc I am stubborn..Maybe a little but I would feel like I have failed! Divorcing to me is failing you, me and our children. I would be embarrassed to say I walked away when there wasnt a huge issue!

 He agreed, saying most of the time its the okay and accepted thing even if its more damaging than good! I understand that sometimes life just doesnt work out how you expected. People change and it can even be dangerous but most of the time, it just take work. Trying something new, focusing on the good and not that bad!

 For us its a communication issue, when I get frustrated and thing geez I dont want to deal with this forever. I remember that I have 3 small children with him and if anything divorce would make that harder. We would likely have to communicate even more with everything involved in dual parenting, schooling, new spouses ect.

 We love each other and even when its hard divorce has yet to be the right choice. It may have been an fix for a min but for us at least there isnt anything it would truly solve. I wish more people would think about the real issues and not seek happiness with others or work or friends ect over their marriage. There is a good reason you married, focus on that for a min and you might realize there is another side even if it felt far away!

Armywifeholcomb
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:54 PM
1 mom liked this
My DH stayed w his Ex for 13-14 years. They separated numerous times. She was physically and mentally abusive. They both had affairs (tho it's unknown who had the first) she treated him like shit. He tried to make it work for the kids but in the end it just didn't work. He tried counseling. She is a selfish person that thought she could have her cake and eat it too. He just wanted more of a real relationship and be treated with love and respect.
I was with DD's dad for 7 years, I left him before she turned 3. He was not respectful of me, selfish, we fought all the time and then couldn't remember why the next day. So nothing would ever change. I decided that our house was not a home that I wanted DD to grow up in with the fighting unhappy, unloving parents. We never were married tho.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
nicole2884
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Amen
People dont take marriage serious enough (not everyone but some)

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)