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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Counseling question

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:31 AM
  • 8 Replies
My husband and I have a great relationship although there is huge barrier. He watches porn and it's gotten to be too much. I'm pregnant with our second daughter. We have sex at least 3 times a week but for the past week he has had zero interest. He has been staying up late on the computer instead of coming and laying down with me. I haven't gone through his computer to see how far he has gone with porn. We are a Christian family. Would counseling help? Or should I just seek someone to talk to within my church by myself? I doubt he will be all for counseling. I need this to stop. I have talked to him about it and told him how much I dislike it!! He knows that I find it disgusting and out of line. I need some advice.

Also, I will not say it's ok nor will I watch with him!!!
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:31 AM
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Replies (1-8):
hudson.maggie
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I'd sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him tht you feel that the porn is starting to interfere with your relationship
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motherofjb
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:40 AM
I have. Thats why I'm lost. I've explained to.him that it hurts me and I feel that he is hurting our relationship but it hasn't stopped.

Quoting hudson.maggie:

I'd sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him tht you feel that the porn is starting to interfere with your relationship
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hudson.maggie
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:41 AM
Would he go to counseling? I'm sure it would help. Ask your church sometimes they do counseling for free for church members.

But if he doesn't try to fix it I would personally give him an ultimatum. He obviously doesn't see what he's doing.


Quoting motherofjb:

I have. Thats why I'm lost. I've explained to.him that it hurts me and I feel that he is hurting our relationship but it hasn't stopped.



Quoting hudson.maggie:

I'd sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him tht you feel that the porn is starting to interfere with your relationship
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SlightlyPerfect
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Yesterday at 10:16 PM
by Slightly Perfect on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:53 AM

You have to figure out why he's watching it. Have you asked him?

slightlyperfect

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:04 AM

Well, I guess you have to decide how much it's bothering you. Is this something you can live with? If you've spoken to him and told him how you feel, but he still won't stop, I'm not sure what more you can do. He's a grown man. 

anotherandree
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:12 AM

It sounds like he is a sex addict and is getting his fix through porn.  This is a real addiction and one that his is not just going to "get over" or "will his way through."  He will not see it as a problem just as many alcoholic do not see it as a problem until their world falls apart.  I have worked with clients who have spouses that have lost their jobs because they started looking at porn at work.  I would confront your husband and then insist that he go seek counseling either at the church or in the community.  He is going to adamantly resist because, to be frank, it is crazy embarrassing, and he is going to swear that he does not have a problem.  Come to the conversation armed with information and checklists.  Expect to be attacked but know that you are planting a seed.  Do not expect him to just admit that you right (although that would be great!) but leave the information with him, but remember that men want bullet points and checklists.  Not 10 page reports.  Also, a church we went to in WI, did a study using this book:

Pure: A Guys' Guide To Freedom From Sexual Sin

Thought it might be helpful. Good luck.

gonecrazi
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:13 AM

 I agree

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Well, I guess you have to decide how much it's bothering you. Is this something you can live with? If you've spoken to him and told him how you feel, but he still won't stop, I'm not sure what more you can do. He's a grown man. 

 

motherofjb
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:49 AM
Thank you!!

Quoting anotherandree:

It sounds like he is a sex addict and is getting his fix through porn.  This is a real addiction and one that his is not just going to "get over" or "will his way through."  He will not see it as a problem just as many alcoholic do not see it as a problem until their world falls apart.  I have worked with clients who have spouses that have lost their jobs because they started looking at porn at work.  I would confront your husband and then insist that he go seek counseling either at the church or in the community.  He is going to adamantly resist because, to be frank, it is crazy embarrassing, and he is going to swear that he does not have a problem.  Come to the conversation armed with information and checklists.  Expect to be attacked but know that you are planting a seed.  Do not expect him to just admit that you right (although that would be great!) but leave the information with him, but remember that men want bullet points and checklists.  Not 10 page reports.  Also, a church we went to in WI, did a study using this book:

Pure: A Guys' Guide To Freedom From Sexual Sin

Thought it might be helpful. Good luck.

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