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Do you regret changing your name when you were married?

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Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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I Seriously Regret Taking My Husband’s Last Name

Posted by Jeanne Sager on February 5, 2013

nameWhen I let it slip to people that I sometimes regret taking my husband's last name after we were married, a panicked look crosses their face. They're expecting, I can only guess, a diatribe about a good-for-nothing bum of a husband. I'll give you the good news now. We're 12 years in and going strong.

It's not the marriage I regret. It's the name.

I never expected to be here. Twelve years ago, I was excited to dump my 10-letter mouthful of a maiden name for one that was half as long. I was ready to say goodbye to years of having to correct the spelling and the pronunciation of the very German name passed down through my father's family for generations.

My new name was short and cute, and wouldn't you know it, my husband and I now had the same exact initials -- all the way through. And then seven years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl.

She got my husband's last name, and I felt a twinge of sadness. The name I so proudly learned to write out in kindergarten had no business here. It had been erased.

The twinge got worse two and half years later when my grandmother died, and then last summer when my grandfather passed away, I found myself feeling adrift. As a friend interviewed me for a newspaper story after his death (he was a muckety-muck in local politics), I realized I wasn't "an Eschenberg" anymore.

But it's just a name, you say? I'm still "related" to these people? It's true. And yet, having to qualify myself by asking the reporter to add my maiden name, to make sure I "fit" hurt.

It forced me to ask why I took his name in the first place. I realized I didn't think at the time about the consequences. I was excited to show the world that I'd married the man I loved, but I didn't truly consider what the name change meant to me, to my identity.

Twelve years into marriage with my "new" last name, I've established myself in my career as a Sager. People know me as a Sager, even in a small town where they still slip up and call me "Eschenberg" (and I admit I get a secret charge every time it happens). The name links me to my husband and to my daughter, both of whom love. I see no reason to go backward.

And yet, if I had it to do over again, I don't know that I would be a Sager today.

How about you? Do you regret changing your name when you were married?

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:41 PM
4 moms liked this

nope, i don't get junkmail in spanish anymore

by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:45 PM

I don't regret it atall. My side of the family is full of trashy people, lawbreakers and just so full of people I'm ashamed of. My husbands side has faults but are respectable people. I'm glad to be a Spivey and be rid of my old last name which I'm so ashamed of being I don't want to say what it once was
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Nope.... I'm old fashion and feel that its part of getting married :-)
I do however regret dropping my last name instead of my middle name.
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by Amy on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:53 PM

Nope.  I kind of like being a white girl with a Taiwanese last  I'm sure that people are a bit surprised when they see me in person! ;)

by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:54 PM

I never changed my name.  I never felt a need to. 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:55 PM

 I hyphenate my last name. I would have just taken his, but he was married to someone with my same first name before, and she kept his last name when they divorced. Bitch. haha.

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:05 PM

No way! I was so happy to get rid of my last name... My mom gave me her roommates last name (he was abusive and she felt for whatever reason it was the best decision). I never knew my biological dad and when my mom married my step dad, they all had the same last name and I was stuck with some random guys name. I've always felt like an outsider and like I didn't belong because of my name... The day I got married ans changed my name I was so ecstatic!! I am proud to say I am now a Cloud! Haha I think it's an awesome last name.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:09 PM

Not even a little bit

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:12 PM

No, I welcomed it!

my maiden name is Russian so not only is it hard to spell, people could never pronounce it.. My married name is only 6 letters long, and people only screw it up 10% of the time!! LOL

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:14 PM

Only when I'm mad at DH. But, I think it is important for the kids to have us all have the same name. OTherwise- its just up to the person. My MIL put her last name as her middle way back before hyphens. She's 84 now.

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