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Do you regret changing your name when you were married?

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I Seriously Regret Taking My Husband’s Last Name

Posted by Jeanne Sager on February 5, 2013

nameWhen I let it slip to people that I sometimes regret taking my husband's last name after we were married, a panicked look crosses their face. They're expecting, I can only guess, a diatribe about a good-for-nothing bum of a husband. I'll give you the good news now. We're 12 years in and going strong.

It's not the marriage I regret. It's the name.

I never expected to be here. Twelve years ago, I was excited to dump my 10-letter mouthful of a maiden name for one that was half as long. I was ready to say goodbye to years of having to correct the spelling and the pronunciation of the very German name passed down through my father's family for generations.

My new name was short and cute, and wouldn't you know it, my husband and I now had the same exact initials -- all the way through. And then seven years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl.

She got my husband's last name, and I felt a twinge of sadness. The name I so proudly learned to write out in kindergarten had no business here. It had been erased.

The twinge got worse two and half years later when my grandmother died, and then last summer when my grandfather passed away, I found myself feeling adrift. As a friend interviewed me for a newspaper story after his death (he was a muckety-muck in local politics), I realized I wasn't "an Eschenberg" anymore.

But it's just a name, you say? I'm still "related" to these people? It's true. And yet, having to qualify myself by asking the reporter to add my maiden name, to make sure I "fit" hurt.

It forced me to ask why I took his name in the first place. I realized I didn't think at the time about the consequences. I was excited to show the world that I'd married the man I loved, but I didn't truly consider what the name change meant to me, to my identity.

Twelve years into marriage with my "new" last name, I've established myself in my career as a Sager. People know me as a Sager, even in a small town where they still slip up and call me "Eschenberg" (and I admit I get a secret charge every time it happens). The name links me to my husband and to my daughter, both of whom love. I see no reason to go backward.

And yet, if I had it to do over again, I don't know that I would be a Sager today.

How about you? Do you regret changing your name when you were married?

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:41 PM
Replies (101-107):
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:00 PM
I love my married last name!
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:07 PM

 I dont regret taking my husbands last name i just wish i had hyphinated. But i get to share my best friends last name and if i ever really felt the need i could legally change it so to hyphinate it with my maiden name :)

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:15 PM
No way! I was so happy to get rid of my last name my mother bc it the wrost to have my family are drunk an my was very mentally abusive an she allow something happened to me and she stuck with this guy since 2 My husbands side are respectable people an a,lil crazy but I'm glad to have his last name and be rid of my old last name an I'm so ashamed of my mother's last name even if I get a divorce with my husband's ill never get rid of his last name
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I think I am going to talk to DF about this. I have struggled repeatedly about whether I am going to change my last name or not. My dads side of the family, my last name, is dwindling. His boys have all the kids they are going o have and they just have girls. My sisters both took their husbands last names. And it absolutely breaks my heart that the name will not be carried on. I want so badly for my boys to have this last name. I am proud of where it came from. But I feel horrible when I think about DFs name not continuing (though it could, he has 2 brothers that still have lots of time to have kids). I dont want to lose my last name, but I want to be the same as him. Thank you for the idea !

(I have always been against my kids having hyphenated names, or even myself, but I think this way, I would be perfectly fine with, for the simple fact we will all still be the same)

Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I didn't change mine. I added his and he added mine so we carry both names happily together.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Nope. My maiden name lives on in my oldest daughter. I also have hope that my twin brother will one day have the kids he wants.
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:47 PM

i got married in Dec. i still haven't changed my name on my drivers license. i dont want to. legally my last name is Garza. but I prefer to still be called by my maiden name... maybe because I'm not hispanic? idk, but right now i have no plans to change it.

by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:30 PM

I don't regret it at all. My married name is so much easier to pronounce and spell, than my maiden name is. I got so sick of people butchering my last name all through school, that it was a very easy decision to change to my husband's last nam when we got married.

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