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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I hate feeling shut out from my spouse when he's depressed

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:11 PM
  • 14 Replies
Need advice ladies. When he's in this mind frame he totally shuts me out and seems so distant and cold. What can I say to him? I feel when there are problems you should saw closer together.
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:26 AM
3 moms liked this

spike his drink with St Johns Wort, Omega 3, iron and Vitamin D which all help with depression.  Men dont like to show emotion generally so distancing themselves is easier for them.  Give him comfort by being there if he decided he does want to talk, keep him fed, make him his favorite sweets and comfort foods and maybe a glass of wine as well.  Knowing you are there gives him comfort in it of itself.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Has he been diagnosed with depression? Is he taking anything?

SarineLewis
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:32 AM
Same here! Not sure if dh is depressed lately, but he is super stressed with school, work and the new baby coming. After work all he wants to do is lock himself in the office and 'vege' on the computer. I miss his energy!
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pristine729
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:34 AM
All you really can do is continue to be supportive and remind him that you're there for him.
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Swt7
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Sometimes when dh is in such a condition i provide room for him to settle his mind,then later i softly initiate a conversation about sth different then btn it i fix the question "why are you like this Honey?"
He sometimes hesitates though he later speaks out and we find solution to it together.
tiredmama42
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:06 AM

We have reverse roles.. My DH gets so upset when I get down or stressed.  I am quiet.. crabby etc.  He says there are walls between us and takes it personally.  Maybe DH just needs a little breathing room to but le thim know you are there and you love him be supportive. I know its hard because you feel shut out just like DH feels but I cant help it. sometimes I just need a little breathing room to sort things out on my own.  Breathing room for me is not going out or anything just a little quiet time to relax without stress from anything. 

IrishGem87
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Don't say anything than. Just try to go up and give him a nice massage and maybe finish with a happy ending so you can help him to relax and unwind

annasmom1234
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I have depression problems, and sound kind of like your dh when I get in one of my moods.  I tend to just shut myself off from everyone because I don't want to subject them to my depression.  Just letting him know you are there for him and love him unconditionally.  Do "little" things for him like bring him a cup of coffee, rub his back, give him a hug.  He will talk when he's ready. 

GELiz
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:22 AM

Lots of nuts to eat- my husband like this for years- finally has e out of it a bit. I finally just let him have his space and I have GF to meet my social needs.

chloesmommy777
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:38 AM

It's about timing... let him "veg" (check in a little to make sure he's all right) and go about your business--do something you enjoy. When he emerges, lightly tell him how you feel over a nice home cooked supper =) If these types of ideas don't help or if he worsens, have him screened and perhaps seek counseling from a marriage therapist a/o clergy, etc.

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