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At what year did your true self and your partner's true self come out?

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Couples Show Their True Selves After Only 3 Years of Marriage but Is That So Bad?

Posted by Kiri Blakeley on February 8, 2013 

When is the honeymoon officially over? Ah, the perennial question. For some, it never ends. For some, it never starts. But what about the rest of us? A new poll claims that the "honeymoon period" is over after three and a half years. Sheesh. Not a very long honeymoon, eh? After this amount of time, couples apparently start showing some very worrying signs -- preferring sleep over sex, going to bed at different times, eating in different rooms, and gazing adoringly at the television screen instead of at their spouse.

But some other signs that couples are no longer in the "courtship" phase and have moved into the "Who are you and what are you doing in my living room?" phase seem like just normal living together to me. For instance, it's after three years that couples begin showing their true colors. They wear sweats to bed, fart in front of each other, leave the toilet seat up, stop wearing makeup around the house, stop shaving, and begin watching what they want on TV and not giving a crap what the other person wants.

But isn't this what marriage is about?!! You mean you have to keep up that whole charade of pretending to like college basketball AFTER you're married?! You have to continue to hold gas until your stomach hurts?! You have to continue to buy expensive lingerie?!!!

If that's the case, then why not just stay single and at least get the benefit of a new sex partner once in awhile? Dang.

But other things -- well, it's a shame they have to end so soon. Apparently along with the farts and hogging the TV, couples also stop saying "I love you"; aren't excited to spend time with each other; and celebrating Valentine's Day goes by the wayside. If it's that way only three years in, it's gonna be a loooooong marriage.

I say some things you have to hold sacred: Saying "I love you" should be one. Spending time alone, another. I also happen to be big on not watching TV in separate rooms, and eating dinner together when possible. Date nights? Huge!

But other things couples should just accept about each other. If you don't know by year three that your spouse farts, then I can't imagine what kind of partner you're going to make for the long haul. There will probably come a time when your wife or husband has an illness and you'll see/hear some less than pleasant bodily functions. Uh, hello, not to mention childbirth. There's something that will make you realize you're not married to a Barbie doll.

And that's a good thing. That's what real love is. It's not something out of a rom-com or glossy magazine. But if you want to shut the door when you crap, I'd be totally cool with that.

At what year did your true self and your partner's true self come out? What did they do?

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Replies (21-29):
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I think my husband and I were really comfortable with each other from the get go... We have been together for over 4 years.... In the beginning I think the only difference was we never argued, I never let him see me with out makeup and we never passed gas or went #2 in front of each other... Haha sorry for tmi. But that only lasted for the first few months... Ever sense then we have been comfortable enough to be ourselves around each other. :)

by Alexandra on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this

According to the author's definition, we have shown our true selves from day one. Yet 24 years later, we are still in the honeymoon phase.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Well if by true you mean more relaxed and able to poop when he's near the bathroom, then 2 yrs lol.
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 6:36 PM

From the beginning. I have always just been who I am and he has always been what he is. 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:04 PM
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We said the same thing! A piece of paper won't make a difference, we already are totally committed to each other.  Hundreds of years ago there were no weddings, you just were married.

I really wanted to change my name.  DS is from my first marriage and has a different last name, then SD has DH's name (we have full custody, I am mom to her), and I had my maiden name.  So I was just sick of being different from everyone.  And I HATED going to school or anywhere and saying "my fiance" or "her dad", I really wanted to be able to say "my husband".  I didn't think it would make any difference other than that. 

We went to the town hall and signed the paper, us and the kids and DHs family.  I really didn't think it would be a big deal at all.  But I have noticed, the past almost two years have been the best years of our relationship.  And nothing else has really changed except actually being married.

Quoting MommaTasha1003:

right. before we got married we both said "its a peice of paper, that wont change anything. yada-yada"... Then we said I Do, and something did change. Things got better & just felt right..

We also didnt spend much on rings, didnt plan to really wear them alot except for formal stuff.. DH now wears his almost daily. And I wear mine out of the house :) ... Who knew!

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

Lol.  My DH and I have been together for 9.5 years, but only married for almost 2.  I swear as soon as we were actually married, things got better and worse.  Not really worse, but we farted in front of each other and didn't walk on egg shells about certain topics.  I think signing that paper made us really sure that the other wouldn't leave if we farted or if we called them out for farting ;)  But our relationship really is so much better I think.  We trust each other more, we are more open and communicate about everything.  I get nervous to tell him something and then I think why am I nervous?  I didn't do anything wrong! He won't judge me, he is always there for me even when he shouldn't be.  He supports me in everything I do even if he doesn't agree with my decisions.

I think coming out of the honeymoon phase can be great, it means you really are in it for the long haul and you really love your spouse even with all their faults ;)

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:08 PM

From the start- I don't change my behavior to make a good impression.  "I yam who I yam" lol.  Besides I had to prepare him for my crazy family ;P

by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Whew! We are wayyyyyyyyu past that time frame!
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:54 PM

We have been married 10 years this June and we both still feel like we are in the "Honeymoon" stage. Even our friends comment and tell us we are like love sick newlyweds. In the 12 years we have been together, nothing but us getting older has changed...

Everytime we say goodbye, whether it be in person or on the phone we say I love you. We are constantly holding hands while we are out and about or out for a walk.We always kiss each other goodbye. We are always willing to help the other one out, for example the last year I was working 6 days a week so DH took it upon himself to start doing the laundry, dishes and housework. =) We always cuddle on the couch while watching TV. And we always fall asleep with DH's arms around me. Nothing has changed in the last 12 years at all. I am more in love with him now then I have ever been, after all he has given me 12 wonderful years and 2 beautiful children. =)

by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:59 PM

 We have been married almost 22 years. I don't remember anything different now than the day we were married. I guess we have always just been "us". We didn't meet until we were both 27. By then, we were both done playing games and wanted someone that loved us for who we were.

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