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After my first marriage I promised myself I'd never do it again. I've been with my bf, who I have my little girl with, for 3 years and those girly wedding thoughts are trying to creep in and I can't stop them. I'm so close to going insane because I know it will never happenand I'm at a loss. Any tips to control the girly thoughts of happily ever after?
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:00 AM
Replies (21-30):
mommashiv2012
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:59 PM
Lmfao, amazing



Quoting CrazyLife1996:

My husband can remember even when he was 11 his mom bringing home a different guy every single night from the bar some nights more.



He got really tired of hearing the bed creak that he loosened the bolts. Bed started moving and crash. It was the highlight of his year.




Quoting mommashiv2012:

Wow, female version of my dad before he met his newest gf.






Quoting CrazyLife1996:

My MIL is a whore. She couldn't keep her legs closed if they were super glued shut.








Quoting mommashiv2012:

Just have to say that I love the Erica Kane comment. Only soap I ever watched.










Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I have only been married this one time and very happily.











My husband and I had decided in the beginning that we would never ever get married. We both grew up watching happy relationships end shortly after marriage. His mother has been married more than Erica Kane.











We even had our first two children before we got married and were pregnant with our third when we said I do.











The thought of wedding crossed my mind several times throughout the years. Just one day my husband told me on the phone 2000 miles away that he knew we would be together forever. Will you be my wife?











That was 7yrs after we got together and married 2yrs later.











All I am trying to say is just because you have seen failure doesn't mean you will fail again.











Whether or not the two of you decide to say your vows doesn't mean it won't work.












Quoting mommyspalace:

My bf and I have been together almost 4 years, we started dating because we both agreed neither of us wanted to get married, my reason was bad first marriage. I'm in the same boat as u though. I talked to him that for some reason the marriage "never again" cards needed to come off the table, he stands by his decision so here I am playing house :-/ good luck hon xo






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CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:03 PM
I seriously can say I hate her.

She continuously called me a whore. But all my children have the same father.

She has 3 and we don't know who the father is of any of them.


Quoting mommashiv2012:

Lmfao, amazing






Quoting CrazyLife1996:

My husband can remember even when he was 11 his mom bringing home a different guy every single night from the bar some nights more.





He got really tired of hearing the bed creak that he loosened the bolts. Bed started moving and crash. It was the highlight of his year.






Quoting mommashiv2012:

Wow, female version of my dad before he met his newest gf.








Quoting CrazyLife1996:

My MIL is a whore. She couldn't keep her legs closed if they were super glued shut.










Quoting mommashiv2012:

Just have to say that I love the Erica Kane comment. Only soap I ever watched.












Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I have only been married this one time and very happily.













My husband and I had decided in the beginning that we would never ever get married. We both grew up watching happy relationships end shortly after marriage. His mother has been married more than Erica Kane.













We even had our first two children before we got married and were pregnant with our third when we said I do.













The thought of wedding crossed my mind several times throughout the years. Just one day my husband told me on the phone 2000 miles away that he knew we would be together forever. Will you be my wife?













That was 7yrs after we got together and married 2yrs later.













All I am trying to say is just because you have seen failure doesn't mean you will fail again.













Whether or not the two of you decide to say your vows doesn't mean it won't work.














Quoting mommyspalace:

My bf and I have been together almost 4 years, we started dating because we both agreed neither of us wanted to get married, my reason was bad first marriage. I'm in the same boat as u though. I talked to him that for some reason the marriage "never again" cards needed to come off the table, he stands by his decision so here I am playing house :-/ good luck hon xo







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Swt7
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Yesterday has come and gone focus on the future,i think you know why the first failed,meaning the second should be entered with a renewed mind free from will it be or won't be.
Because if you love him then things will work themselves out. Good luck.
mrswynn88
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:43 PM
honestly my first marriage was horrible my ex cheated on me and was both physically and mentally abusive i said i would never get married again after i left him but i did get remarried and it's wonderful we have been married almost 5 years i wouldn't let the fact that my first marriage was terrible ruin my future happiness but that's just me
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earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:44 PM

 My first marriage of 16 yrs was a living nightmare and something I will regret all my life and so was my current husband Todd's first marriage of 12 yrs , just HORRIBLE! 

We both had made up our minds no marriage ever again or even no exclusive relationship for that matter, we were just CASUALLY online dating and let anyone we dated know that is all we wanted was casual relatinships ever.

ANd also we didnt believe in soulmates or anything either, UNTIL we met in person the two of us, now we do, to our utter shock and scary surprise we fell in love hard and fast and deeply, we ended up raising my 4 bio kids and his 1 bio daughter as OUR own 5 kids together (they are young adults now) and here almost 10 yrs later we ARE BEYOND happily ever after married and our marriage is the complete opposite of what we each experienced the first time around with other people.

 


YVONNE

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:51 PM

Would you perhaps settle for a "commitment ceremony"? Give him an out on the legal marriage but still have an event you could have your friends and family witness? I wouldn't personally be comfortable having a second child with someone who wasn't willing to marry me, so I do understand how you feel I think.



Quoting mommashiv2012:

It will never happen because he saw all the marriage troubles from his Mom's past and never wants to be in those shoes. He has no other children than our little girl, though he has said he wanted more children with me.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Why do you think it will "never happen"? Lots of people have bad first marriages and go on to have great seconds. Does he have kids other than your daughter?




stargazerwolf
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:32 PM

See even after my awful first marriage I know I still want to get married again. My ex husband was sort of abusive, especially emotionally. He never even cared to be home with me and our daughter and it was so miserable. After that marriage I knew I did want to get married again someday, but that I would be much more cautious and not rush into anything, with my first we were married after 6 months of dating because we had known each other in highschool and I was pregnant and thought I loved him.

Me and my boyfriend (we have a 9 month old together) have been together almost a year and a half and I find myself fantasizing about a wedding, but nothing big, a nice simple ceremony with our familys. Maybe outdoors...anyways lol, I kick myself because I know I want to wait longer and I don't think he's quite ready either. We have a wonderful relationship, far better than any relationship I've ever been in including my marriage, I just didn't realize how stupid I was back then (young and stupid). We already plan future events together (like taking the kids to Disneyworld when they are 8 and 4, currently 9 months and almost 5) and we plan to buy a house together and things like that, but I want to be with him longer before we get married, just to be sure.

I understand your hesitation very much, I do want to get married and I hope it is to my boyfriend one day, but I feel like I want to take a lot of time to make certain we are both really in it for the long haul. Don't keep your distance just because you are afraid. I even find myself doing tiny hints like I bought myself a cool pretty wolf ring and mentioned how I thought I was a size 5 and used to be, but apparently I need a 5 1/2 or 6 now lol, and yet I just want it out there for his future reference, I don't think we'd get engaged just yet.

Also make sure all plans and ideas are discussed, even if he says he will never marry, it doesn't mean he won't change his mind, have you discussed it recently? My boyfriend wasn't totally sure about marriage because he's seen a lot of divorce, but I know he does want to get married some day. We even got on the topic of future children and I don't think he'd be ok having more if we weren't married, I certainly would like to be married before we have another one. I think its important though to discuss number of kids wanted, if you'll stay home or work (if there are more kids with cost of daycar...), finances, goals in life, plans for the future and even wants in life like owning a house in the country or city or whatever, even if you never marry this will be important for any long term relationship.

I do suggest talking to him about the future though. If he doesn't ever want to get married regardless of anything, you will have to decide if you will be ok with that forever, or if you will eventually have to move on...

mommashiv2012
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:50 PM
Omg! I never even thought of that! This is a beautiful idea. How does the ceremony work though?


Quoting Lindalou907:

Would you perhaps settle for a "commitment ceremony"? Give him an out on the legal marriage but still have an event you could have your friends and family witness? I wouldn't personally be comfortable having a second child with someone who wasn't willing to marry me, so I do understand how you feel I think.




Quoting mommashiv2012:

It will never happen because he saw all the marriage troubles from his Mom's past and never wants to be in those shoes. He has no other children than our little girl, though he has said he wanted more children with me.





Quoting Lindalou907:

Why do you think it will "never happen"? Lots of people have bad first marriages and go on to have great seconds. Does he have kids other than your daughter?







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Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:33 PM

 (((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

GELiz
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:36 PM

Interesting. Here is the logic. Because someone else who made a committment broke that committment, I will decide to not make a committment, but will live with them make babies with them so I can be free to leave when I'm tired of it, so I do not make a commitment? I guess I just don;t understand. It is exactly the same thing, and same result.

Why not say, because someone I know  broke their committment, and it made my life miserable, I will make and keep my committment so that I do not make the people I love miserable.?

Just askin.


Quoting mommashiv2012:

It will never happen because he saw all the marriage troubles from his Mom's past and never wants to be in those shoes. He has no other children than our little girl, though he has said he wanted more children with me.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Why do you think it will "never happen"? Lots of people have bad first marriages and go on to have great seconds. Does he have kids other than your daughter?




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