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save my marriage

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:56 AM
  • 24 Replies
I could really use some advice to make a new marriage work, with a new baby..we don't agree on anything on any subject, I feel like were failing:(
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lapcounter
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Did you agree before marriage and baby?
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Mya62412
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:59 AM
I wish I could give you wise advice but I'm going through a new marriage also that is failing. So here is a bump so someone else can help you out.
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Bethie_perez
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:00 AM
2 moms liked this
The love dare try it do it I'm in the same boat and it's working for me

Fyi I'm the only. One doing it dh is not
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edelweiss23
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Start writing him love notes. Stick them in his pockets, around the house. Etc.

Any relationship takes work to make things go smoothly.
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krodden87
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:03 AM
Realize that you dont have to agree on everything to love each other and still make a martiage work.
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Colie68
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:03 AM
2 moms liked this

My marriage suffered tremendously with the birth of each of my 2 children then around 6 months after each baby things calmed down again and we got along. Hormones played a big part of it on my part but he was also not acting like himself. Having a baby changes your life so much it takes time to settle in and be ok. Give it some time and I bet you guys will be ok again.

armstrong7984
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:08 AM
2 moms liked this

most times arguments arent really dissagreeing at all, its the way its worded. Lots of times my husband will say something and ill say okay say that again, and he'll re word it. But lots of things can cause aguring, in your case it sounds like stress. Take some 'me' time out and go do something by yourself or go out on a date night.

Communication is probably one of the most important things in a good marriage. Try sitting down and having a heart to heart and have him repeat back what you are saying. Always stick to I feel or I dont like, always stick to how it makes YOU feel in a situation, dont tell him how he feels, ever. Dont raise your voice and take turn hearing each other out, be patient and kind.

marriage takes lots of work everday and you both have to fight for it, not just one in order to make it a good marriage.

shann77
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:10 AM

not always but i found our diffences kept things exciting. he pulled me out of my comfort zone and i gave him a domestic home life. Now im being mom and he's still being single. I want him home and he wants to play. He thinks he doesnt do much and i feel i have to fight to keep him home on the weekends (our biggest issue). We just plain dont agree on anything and cant see eachothers point of view. i want to make it work i love him but when you cant communicate without a fight is so frustrating!

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Comnunicate. Talk start talking. If you cannot do anything else sit down and say ok look we are married we have to HAVE TO figure this out. We have no option.

A new baby and a nee marriage, how stressful. Omg I couldn't imagine. Take a breather and try and relax. Set a date to talk . And go for it. Talk about everything that is on your mind. If you feel yourself getting upset or see him getting upset quit. Walk away. Say ok tomorrow lets reapproach this with clear minds.
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Graidyn
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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Having a new baby is incredibly difficult. You're sleep deprived, you're miserable, you're overwhelmed. You'd give anything for 2 hours of PEACE, but you can't let the baby out of your sight that long because no one else takes care of it correctly. If it's your FIRST baby it's even worse because you're scared of all the responsibility even if you won't admit it even to yourself. Your angry that your husband doesn't seem to understand how exhausted you are, doesn't help enough - or when he does help he does it WRONG. 

Men get frustrated because they feel they do everything wrong, they can't read your mind, or the thing that needs to be done RIGHT THIS SECOND to you - just isn't that big of a deal to them and they don't understand why it IS such a big deal to you. Most of them (but not all) are afraid to be alone with the baby until it's a week or two old (if it's their first) but don't want to admit it so will make stupid comments like "Isn't it your job?" or " Can't you just wait til she's sleeping?" Which makes us go insane because we didn't make this kid by ourselves and we need an effing shower!

In my experience it helps to actually listen to why they feel something should be done a certain way. Sometimes it's not worth fighting over. If his belief that thing A should be THIS way is an 8 and your belief that thing A should NOT be that way is only a 2 - well..... he wins. And vice versa. If he holds the baby in a way that looks funny to you, but she stops crying and it's not hurting her - it doesn't matter if that's NOT the way it's SUPPOSED to be, it's the way he bonds with his baby. 

This all may be completely useless info, but took me awhile to learn and you didn't give specifics so... hope this helps some...  


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