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Husband cheated on me, advice

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:55 PM
  • 30 Replies



Question: Should I leave him and move on?




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Total Votes: 46

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Ok I know I have heard once a cheater always a cheater, and what I am going through at the moment sounds like I shouldn't even be asking this question, why I am, I don't really know, I am confused, and hurt. Ok here goes my story, it is long, I appreciate all those of you that read it and actually try to help me because I can use all of the advice that I can get:

I had a kid at 16, was a single mom, worked took care of him, etc. I then had another kid at the age of 20. I was a single mom. No I did not purposely have two kids and to be a single mom, but I did. When I turned 21 I met a man fell in love and got pregnant with my third child. I found out when I was 2 months pregnant with our son that he was cheating on me and had been from the beginging, I was crushed but we decided to make it work seeing as how he was a great father to my other two children and we were very happy. When I was 6 months pregnant, I got off work one night only to discover he had been cheatng on me with our next door neighbors sister, and my neighbor who I was friends with had hooked them up. He told me he never slept with her just was talking, well I believed him and moved on, we got married shortly after our son was born.

I thought everything would be better, we were very happy and having a good life. I went a while before I started going through his email one day and found he had been talking to other women, I told him to leave and I went to my moms with the kids 600 miles from home to get away. He came down a few days later and said he didnt do anything was just looking for friends. After a week of him being there, I kept getting calls from a woman who was his friends gf trying to get a hold of my husband, he swore he never touched her and I believed him since I think his friend would have kicked his butt if he tried anything. Anyways its been a few years since then and everything was basically good, we spent a lot of time with eachother, our family, etc...stupd little fights, nothing major really. In November of last year I was lying in bed next to him and woke up to a light, I seen he was on his phone at 2 am looking on married websites, I kicked him out and figured we would go to counseling.

He had gotten a job in June of last year as a tow truck driver and never has any time off, even on his days hes supposed to get off, he still gets calls from work, I assumed that because we hadnt spent much time with eachother because of that he was just feeling whatever, so I took him back.  Now here is the bad part to me, I am NOT  cheater, I have never cheated on anyone, but since I was feeling low, he was looking for other women, etc, I ended up cheating on him in December at a motel with my friend. I felt ashamed, disgusting, and couldn't look him straight in the eyes, as horrible as it sounds, I thought that by cheating I would feel some sort of "evenness" and I could forgive, instead I became a wreck and was so guilty, so I decided to take my kids to my moms for Christmas, we don't have very much money but we had saved for me to go so I went. I left  a few days before Christmas and boy did I feel guilty leaving my husband all alone on Christmas,, but since he works all the time, he said he wouldn't have much time anyways and he would spend Christmas with his parents who live not far from here, only about 29 minutes. While I was at my moms, my husband called me everyday, all day and texted me all day (he usually over the last years sends me like 100-200 texts a day, one of our HUGE arguments) and I got upset but dealt with it, then he kept calling all my friends (something he does ALL THE TIME for no reason-another big arguement) and I got mad and told him to quit doing this, again. Anyways.....I spent 19 days total away, I never get to see my family and they all live far away, but I missed my husband and came home early to surprise him the day before our three years wedding anniversary, he had tried to keep me away untill a few days after, I thought it was for a surprise or something, but wanted to surprise him myself.

When we got home after a 13 hour trip, the kids were all excited to open their presents from Santa that he had left while we were gone, I called my husband and told him to come home, he didn't show up for 4 hours saying he had a tow. The kids were hurt but I let them open presents, etc. After they had gone to bed he showed up and said he had been on a call, sorry whatever, then he started yelling at me for comming hom early, I told him to go to a freinds house and we would talk in the morning, our anniversary. He came and met us for breakfast on our anniversary, and then said he was going to a friends. When I got hime I noticed that we had a shut off bill from the electricity company, he hadnt paid bills in months, and we were up to 1000! I freaked called him, he started yelling at me so I told him to move out for a few days while I figured everything out since he wouldn't help me, he ended up paying 800 and I paid the rest but we were arguing, etc. Anyways he ended up coming over almost every day for a few days, then stopped. I called him about a week after he left and he came got me, we had sex, and he left.

Then a week ago was my daughters father daughter dance, she was all excited and was ready 2 hours before the dance, he didnt show up until late. When he came home I asked him to stay the night, I was going to ask him to come home. He was in the shower and his phone started going off, I looked at his texts, and there was a message from a woman named Nicole telling him she was horny. When he got out of the shower I confronted him, he said he never touched her, etc. The next day he came over trying to tell me that he never cheated on me etc, I said then call her and put her on speakerphone and I want to know. He called her and she said that she had been screwing my husband since the day I left, even in our bed. She said she would come over and show me pictures. I begged my husband to tell me the truth, he said that she had sex with with him 2 times but never in our bed. When she got her I seen pictures of her having sex in my bed with my husband and in his tow truck, then she told me about the day I got home, he was with her, the day of our anniverasry, he was with her, he was with her on the father daughter dance, and he had left her house to come to my house and have sex with me then went back to hers.

She said that the day I left, the old friend we had that introduced my husband to her sister when I weas preganant, had called my huasband and asked him to tow her other sister home, he did the went over the next day back to our old "friends" house and got her sisters number, she then stayed at my house for the whole 2 weeks I was gone. I made my husband come out and confronted him, he said that yes everything she said was true. I told them to leave and started crying, I felt betrayed, hurt, sad, angry, jealous that he spent that time with her, in my bed, our bed, in our home. Hell he even showed her pictures of the kids and I, she knew he was married too and didnt care. Since then I have been crying non-stop, and hes coming over telling me how much he loves me, hes sorry, he never meant to hurt me, etc. I hate myself for missing him, I love this man, but hes cheated on me before I forgave, this time I can't stop thinking that everywherew in my house that woman was, etc. My shower, did she use it, when, did they have sex after, etc, all these questions come to mind everytime I am in my house, I have no job so I can not just up and move right now, I did replace my bed though.

I have enough money and should have a job by next week to pay my bills, I filed for divorce last week, but hes been here the last two nights and I keep hating myself for missing him, plus I feel guilty that I cheated too, but I never brought someoneone into our bed! I don't know what to do! There were many issues before this, but not enough that we could not have worked out, for the most part, we had a relashonship people were jelous of.....the woman in 43, not attractive (no not just becase he hurt me) but shes not pretty, she doesnt have a job, sleeps on someones couch, WILLINGLY slept with a married man in his and his wifes/kids home, yet I am 25, almost 26, we have a kid together, I am a full time college student, I am not that ugly, I give everything to my husband and loved him with all my heart, even when he didnt shower all the time, even thought most people dont find him attractive, even though he is almost 400 pounds, I loved him, I gave him everything and I feel as though he took my life from me and the kids without asking me, I never got to make a decision......I just need some advice....has anyone else been through this?

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:59 PM
therapy for you. you have horrible taste in men
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:00 PM
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I would say kick him to the curb and move on.  Or if you don't like that suggestion then maybe sit him down and ask why he cheated on you.  Seek marriage counseling if you want to stick it out.  I'd also get tested for diseases just in case he got something from the neighbor's sister (what a bitch by the way-your neighbor). 

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I can't tell you what you should or shouldnt do bc you are the one who has to live with the choice either way, not me, I can only tell you if it was ME I would leave for sure even if I still loved him and cried my heart out over it bc as I've mentioned before I believe if you are faithful you deserve someone who is faithful and I also believe you cant have a healthy relationship without trust and I personally would never be able to trust someone like that ever again, actually I wouldnt even be able to look them in the eye without feeling sick.  I would rather be in no relationship than in one where my s/o doesnt make me a priority and cherish me and my feelings more than his own instant gratitifcation. If he's horny when I'm not with him he could always jack off there is never an excuse.

I am so sorry you are going thru this and I wish you the very best whatever that may turn out to be for you. Good luck HUGS


by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:08 PM

 I have not been through this. I never would go on and on with him. Your kids deserve a stable environment and neither of you are providing that. Let him Go ! He doesn't want you ! He only wants sex with you. Sorry I don't mean to be so harsh but momma c'mon. You will be better off without him and maybe down the road find a "real man" not another douche like this one.

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Aside from the fact that he's clearly lying to you whenever he says something nice, he really chose to have sex with some chick than spend time with your little girl? He chose her over your kids a few times. He's no good for you guys. I hope you move on.
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:14 PM
You never had trust there for you never had a solid relationship

He obviously never cared
i know it sounds harsh but. I have been there done that minus the kid part an i wish someone would have given me a dose of reality

Move on maybe get some counseling for yourself figure out who you are learn to love who you are

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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:17 PM
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Girl you deserve so much more. No way would i put up with that bullshit over and over and over. If it was maybe one time maybe but this is years of cheating. Get rid of him he doesnt deserve you. He doesnt respect you or your relationship. Hes not sorry either. Hes sorry he got caught.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Why are you in love with someone who has done nothing but cheat on you since you got together? I think its ridiculous you keep taking him back after he keeps cheating on you over and over again and I cant for the life of me figure out why you feel bad about the ONE time you cheat on him when hes never told you one ounce of truth. Leave him because this is not even a real marriage, he dont care about you and continues to cheat because you always take him back.

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:34 PM

Well that is real sweet, I don't have a bad taste in men thank you very much, I am not the one who did this, and I loved him, maybe you should quit being so judgemental and not post rude comments? I asked for advice on the situation, not rude comments so if that is your thing I would appreciate you not posting on my question?

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:39 PM

I appreciate what you guys are saying and yes I sound stupid but honestly I was in love and chose to try to make it work, obviously people should not be with someone who cheats all the time, its just hard for me, and honestly I have no idea why, if it was anyone else I would be like seriously why., but he still is the man I married most of the time, and it hurts. I know I am better off without him, I will call counselors next week and leat get some help. I do provide a stable home for my kids, although he has been the one working, I am always there with the kids, emotionally as well, I have tried very hard to keep this crap out of their lives, but because of them I kind of feel as though I should try to make it work, but I know everytime he doesnt answer the phone I think he is with someone else, it is just hard, I kind of feel like, what do I do from here?

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