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Guilt about ending a relationship...

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:10 PM
  • 2 Replies

A few months ago I ended a relationship. I let the relationship go on for over a year even though I knew some time before that I wasn't happy. I mostly ended it because I was not sexually or physically attracted to him (I found myself looking at other men as potential partners all the time and stopped wanting to have sex with him). I also ended it because he had some radical beliefs that were not in line with my own, had a temper, and would get into physical fights with other men over perceived insults. These things coupled with the attraction issue finally made me end things, despite the fact that he treated me very well... more or less like a princess, honestly.

He was completely surprised when I ended things. He even cried a bit, which eventually turned into anger. After a series of text messages in which I wished him well and expressed a desire to salvage some sort of friendship, I didn't hear from him for a month or so. To make it worse, most of the people I had introduced him to really liked him and were not shy about letting me know that they were a bit bummed when I chose to end things. Shortly after, I began dating someone else, who I am still seeing.

One night I came home and found a trash bag full of things I had given to him or had let him borrow sitting on my doorstep, and a very long, unpleasant letter addressed to me. In this letter he went on to say how much he had loved me, insulted the person I am dating now, and told me I am an evil person. He said quite a few other things as well, all of which seemed to be meant to hurt me like I had hurt him.

Despite the way he acted at the end of things and the feelings I had been letting build up that eventually led to our breakup, I can't help but feel bad for hurting him. He really is a nice person despite his flaws (we all have them), but he is just not the person for me.

I don't want to feel bad about it anymore. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this where they knew they made the right choice, but still felt guilty/bad about it?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:10 PM
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by Trica on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:18 PM
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No I never been in that situation before. If you weren't happy? Then you shouldn't feel guilty. You only have one life to live.
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by Casey on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:28 PM
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I have, and more than once. I let things progress for way too long before breaking it off when I knew very early on that things wouldn't work. Rather than be direct and say, "Hey, this isn't working for me", I played it coy and aloof which I guess works wonders because it only made the other parties fall harder and get more desperate and try harder, which in turn made me feel more guilty. After ending it with two people in particular it got worse, one turned into a psycho stalker who broke into my place and stole things and vandalized my truck, and the other called me one night at 3am suicidal and saying it was all my fault. 

It's ok to feel bad, you're human. Feeling remorse is a good thing, you aren't a cold hearted witch. You have to do the right thing for you, and if you knew that this man wasn't right for you then you did a good thing stopping it before it went any farther. 

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