I just need an outside veiw. please no bashing *LONG*
So i will try to make this a short as I can, but get my point across. I'm married, but i think im in love with someone else.
My DH got together when i was 18 and he was 28. It was on of those things where i saw him and thought i loved him. We were good friends for a little while and had a lot of mutual friends. But one day something just clicked, i wanted to be more than friends.
So after about two weeks of bugging him, he finally agreed to go out with me. Things went very well for the first few months. But then things went down hill. Long story short, he just was not there for me like i wanted. he would be there when he had to, or when he wanted, but never the little things. So i kinda got close to another man. A very old friend that i had known for years. We hung out a few times, and it was amazing. But a few weeks later, i find out im pregnant, only two months after we started dating. So i told the other man that i wanted to make it work with my childs father and be a family. Yes i know its my husbands because i never slept with the other man.
So he got exited about the baby. Got us a little apartment together and things went pretty well. He seemed like he really wanted to be a family. Well then i started talking about marriage and moving forward. He said not yet. So i let it go till after My DD was born. But a few months after she was born, i started to feel weird about having a baby and not being married. So every few months, i would bring it up, and he would get very upset with me. I know i shouldn't have bugged him, but all i have wanted was a family. I grew up in a very bad situation. A whole nother story. lol. So that went on for about a year and a half. Then i brought up that maybe we should try for a second child. That caused so many fights, so many night of tears and falling asleep upset. It became to wear i was never happy. I was always so sad about it. All i wanted was a family. I wanted a husband. children and to be happy. He finally got mad enough that gave in and said fine if it will shut you up, i will marry you. Then a few months later, he finally said the same thing, if you wont give it up, go off your pills and you can have another baby.
So thats how my life has been the last 3 years. always looking at my marriage like it means nothing to him. When we get into a fight, he always brings it up. And its a horrible feeling to look at my 8 month old son, and think that i had to make my husband have him. I love my children more than anything. I dont regret for one second ever having them. They are my whole world. He just treats me like im nothing to him. i feel lower in his eyes then his friends. He makes me feel worthless. He works, comes home and sits on his computer. Never spends time with me. If i ask him to sit with me or do anything, it always im doing something or im tired. I just want a little attention to from him. To feel like i mean something. When he does get up from his desk, i go up to him and try to give him a hug or kiss, he does not return it. It feels like hes thinking maybe if i just stand still, she will let go. I never get loving embraces. I would love for him to come up beind me and wrap him arms around me and love on me, but he never does. When we go to bed, i would love to be in his arms, but no, he may let me lay with him for 3 minutes, then its like im tired goodnight. And rolls over away from me. It always feels as tho im living with a roommate that i have sex with every one in a while. Sex is so bad between us. It always about him getting off. Its never romantic or sweet. It always to the point and were done. He gets up right after, no kissing, cuddling, and goes and smokes and goes to sleep. Its always im to hot to cuddle or i want to go to bed.
But this other man is my dream come true. He begged me to stay with him when i found out i was pregnant. He kept telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me and raise the baby with me. But i couldn't. He was the type that when we were together it was always about me. Holding my hand, hand on my leg, sweet kisses. Anytime he got the chance, he had me in his arms. I remember one night i had just found out i was pregnant and was not feeling the best, and we were over a friends house watching a movie, and he laid the long way on the couch and i sat between his legs laying back on him. His hand on my belly trying to make me feel better. My husband never one in 4 1/2 has ever made me feel the way he did that night. We were hanging out with friends one night and i was stupid and had to much pop and candy at once and put me into some kind of contractions, i tried calling my husband, boyfriend at the time and he never answered. He ended up calling an ambulance and going to the hospital. i remember him sitting there rubbing my back until they got there. Then when they had me on the stretcher, i remember looking back at him and him saying i love you. He never once left my side in the hospital. My DH finally answered his phone and all he said was ok keep me updated on the baby. I was pissed.
So now here we are 3, almost 4 years later and he moved 26 hours away about 3 years ago. We kinda lost contact, but now for about 2 months, we have talked every day, all day. He makes me feel 100 times better being that far away than m husband does right by me. I have a lot of issues from when i was a child and young teen, that im just now at 22 working through. And all my husband does it tell me to get over it and move on. The other man has stopped whenever he was doing, woke up in the middle of the night, just to talk to me for hours wen i needed someone. He really wants to be with me and my kids. He wants to give me the whole world. To be that rock i need to get over my issues im trying to work through.
But my problem is my kids. My husband is an amzing father most of the time. My kids just think the work of him. And he does great caring for them, and he does great providing for us money wise. But i need more. I need to feel loved, that i mean something to the man i share my life with.
So i guess my question is, am asking for ti much from my husband? Am i to needy? Should i be unhappy to give my kids there dad everyday. I dont want to be one of thoes moms that their kids look at 10 years down the road and say why did you take my dad from me. I grew up like that. HELP!!!!