Filled with confusion, despair, don't know what to do.
I'll try to make this short. I left my so after many years together and 2 children (we share custody) for quite a few reasons. He treated me like crap; talking down to me in front of the kids, yelling at me in front of the kids, never wanted to actually commit. We were engaged but that was as far as he was willing to take things. After I left him he admitted to all the things I'd been trying to tell him all those years but I felt it was too late to turn back. Fast forward a bit. I meet and fall in love with what I believe to be a wonderful man. He proposes almost overnight and we are married quickly. Not long after the wedding his real personality emerges. Yeah, yeah, i got involved to quickly. Let's not state the obvious here people. He laughingly tells me now that he was very very careful about concealing certain aspects of his addictive, controlling, jealous type personality until AFTER I was wearing the wedding ring. Now he feels comfortable in my commitment to our vows so he can be his true self. A recovering alcoholic he now has bi-weekly binges where he gets drunk for 3 days and lays on the couch smoking (I don't allow smoking in my house but when he's drunk he doesn't care) calling off work cuz he's too hung over to go, not doing a single thing to be a part of this family. Meanwhile, my ex (the father of my children) has moved in with a woman. He is doing ALL the things with her that he would never do with me. They take the kids to parks, amusement parks, events, outings, etc. He is the total family man in a way that he admits now he was too emotionally stunted to be before. He said my leaving him made him realize what he was missing out of with his daughters and so he has stepped up (with the new woman). I am miserable in my marriage. Even when my dh is apologetic for his behavior and makes yet another promise that things will get better I know they wont. And all I can think is that if I was going to be unhappy why the hell didn't I stay with my ex. At least then I wouldn't have to be seperated from my dd's half the time. I'm sinking into depression and don't know what to do to pull myself out. I'm not exactly financially independent. I'm only a secretary at a small company. I don't want to put my children through yet another life changing event and yet I'm also certain that staying with my dh wont make things any better in our life. I don't know what to do or where to turn.